OP, I am in my 60’s and am working up my courage to leave a similar man. We have been married almost thirty years. It will get worse. My kids are adults now - they would have been better off if I had left earlier. They would tell you to go, and so do I!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you feel about 50/50 custody?

I feel fine about it. He will be a controlling and critical parent whether we are married or not, nothing I can do about it now.

How do you feel about another woman co raising your children with you having virtually no control over the situation. My sister's ex has a new live in and it is a CLUSTER.

That’s why my mom stayed and guess what, she and my dad living together another ten years did incredible damage to me and my brother. 50% of the time with a narcissistic, manipulative father is not as bad as 100% of the time with a narcissistic manipulative father and a mother too afraid to stand up to him.

I would never talk to him again. Your poor mother put up with a lot, and he probably did quite a number on her you're not aware of completely.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know any woman who regrets their divorce. Including me.

Yep. My regret is that I stayed long enough to be a trailing spouse. Now stuck single parenting far from my family. Every single aspect of my life ~ finances, sex, parenting, is better. I have primary custody, enough free time, and peace. SO MUCH PEACE without some angry jerk yelling at me constantly

I agree with all this and I am a man. Ex-wife was really pushy and was on her second marriage. controlled everything from what I can do with the kids to letting her sister use our house like it is a bed and breakfast. I love the peace and sex with other women is better and I am a much better father and pretty connected with my kids.

Anonymous wrote:My partner of 22 years left me. I was angry, sad, and miserable at first. Even knowing that neither of us was happy, I didn't want it to end. I think neither one of us wanted to end it which is why we were both miserable for years, but he finally had the guts to do it. My only regret is that I wasn't brave enough to do it 10 years sooner. All those wasted years. Oh well.

Good luck, OP>

That is such a long time to be with someone. How do you get past it?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You will not regret it. You will look back at it as the best decision of your and your kid's life.

Maybe your life, but not your kids.

I don't regret divorcing, but I will regret the pain I inflicted on my kids for the rest of my life.

And no, there's no way to avoid inflicting pain on your kids.

I do not regret pain that the divorce caused my kids, as they didn't deserve to witness his abuse.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you feel about 50/50 custody?

I feel fine about it. He will be a controlling and critical parent whether we are married or not, nothing I can do about it now.

How do you feel about another woman co raising your children with you having virtually no control over the situation. My sister's ex has a new live in and it is a CLUSTER.

That’s why my mom stayed and guess what, she and my dad living together another ten years did incredible damage to me and my brother. 50% of the time with a narcissistic, manipulative father is not as bad as 100% of the time with a narcissistic manipulative father and a mother too afraid to stand up to him.

Anonymous wrote:You will not regret it. You will look back at it as the best decision of your and your kid's life.

Maybe your life, but not your kids.

I don't regret divorcing, but I will regret the pain I inflicted on my kids for the rest of my life.

And no, there's no way to avoid inflicting pain on your kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you feel about 50/50 custody?

I feel fine about it. He will be a controlling and critical parent whether we are married or not, nothing I can do about it now.

How do you feel about another woman co raising your children with you having virtually no control over the situation. My sister's ex has a new live in and it is a CLUSTER.

I feel grateful that my kids are almost of the age to decide where they spend their time. He makes his own bed now (proverbially, that lazy POS do it, I'm sure), he can lie in it.

It makes no sense to stay in a contentious home and marriage to prevent your kids seeing their father contend with someone else someday. This way he does what he wants, and I have been free to have a peaceful home and relationship with my kids, where i am no longer in ANY way implicated in the bad choices their father makes. The kids see very clearly which parents make which choices, I promise.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you feel about 50/50 custody?

I feel fine about it. He will be a controlling and critical parent whether we are married or not, nothing I can do about it now.

How do you feel about another woman co raising your children with you having virtually no control over the situation. My sister's ex has a new live in and it is a CLUSTER.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't regret mine. I regret waiting 10 years to do it. Only you know.

This! I regret waiting 19 years! Oh how I wish I had done it in my 30s and not 40s. Either way, I am so incredibly happy. It would have been better for my kids if I had gotten out earlier.

I am the PP you are responding to. I was 42. I wanted out at the beginning...I waited 8 more years because everyone said to "stay"--when you know, you know.

No, I never regretted it for one second. I divorced an abusive, serial-cheating, pathological-lying narcopath. I filed when DC was only 17 months old and thus has no memory of us together, thank goodness.

I am so thankful that I pulled myself out of the fog of abuse before more years passed and before DC got older.

^^ PP here. I also forgot to mention that anytime either one of us tells people that we have separated they are shocked. I guess we always came off as a happy and well adjusted couple. Nobody really knows what goes on behind closed doors.

My partner of 22 years left me. I was angry, sad, and miserable at first. Even knowing that neither of us was happy, I didn't want it to end. I think neither one of us wanted to end it which is why we were both miserable for years, but he finally had the guts to do it. My only regret is that I wasn't brave enough to do it 10 years sooner. All those wasted years. Oh well.

Good luck, OP>

Anonymous wrote:I don't regret mine. I regret waiting 10 years to do it. Only you know.

This! I regret waiting 19 years! Oh how I wish I had done it in my 30s and not 40s. Either way, I am so incredibly happy. It would have been better for my kids if I had gotten out earlier.

You will sometimes but those sometimes will become farther and farther between as the years go on and you rediscover yourself and write your next chapter.