My kids are in their late 20’s and parental leave didn’t exist when I had them. I received disability which was a fraction of my income. Can you tell me how much time you and your husband have off and was it paid time off?

Oh hell no. My DH didn't do this during our parental leave, but he did seem to view it as an extended vacation from work and would complain when the baby made it harder for him or us to do the leisure things he wanted to do. I had a tough pregnancy and then had PPD and eventually I had to sit him down and explain that unless he was going to focus on taking care of the baby and helping me recover from childbirth, then he should probably just go back to work because that's what the leave was for. Spelling it out clearly for him was good and he wised up after that.

Honestly, before actually going through it, I was all for paternity leave and felt parents should all be getting the same amount of leave in order to encourage dads to take a more active role in their baby's lives. I still think this, but I think we should give people who are recovering from childbirth more time (because they are recovering from an actual medical condition and genuinely need it, physically) and that we should be much more clear as a society that this time is specifically for caring for and bonding with the baby. I think among UMC couples, in particular, the more generous parental leave that our jobs tend to offer have become a de facto sabbatical for a lot of people. And listen, if you have an easy birth and/or lots of help afterwards, maybe it can be. But I used ever minute of my maternity leave to take care of my baby and recover. And it makes me kind of mad that a lot of people seem to think I was "lucky" to get it because of this perception that it's actually just a lengthy vacation.

Wow that sucks OP. I feel like you will just have 3 babies to care for if you don’t let him go though. I’d at least tell him to get tested on the way back.

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Do others’ husbands ask to do similar things when their wife is on maternity leave? Did I marry a jerk?

No. Yes.

I would let him go. It's just a weekend and I assume you would be pretty recovered from birth. It won't be fun for you but it's do able.

Not quite the same by my DH has had business trips when I was on leave with a newborn. Again, not fun, but do able.

My dh wouldn't even ask.

My DH wanted to be there after the births of our 3 DDs. But a weekend away is different from a week. I think it would be totally unacceptable to ask if this were your first baby. But then again you have an active toddler and are still recovering physically. I am sorry, OP, this is a selfish request.

NO.

I would say that in any circumstance but with covid even more so! He could catch covid and give it to your baby. Jesus.

Anonymous wrote:I think he should be able to get some me time on his paternity leave but a weekend across the country sounds awful. He shouldn’t have asked for that, especially if he didn’t offer to arrange help with the kids. But he taking just might not know a) how difficult it would be to take care of the kids in this situation and b) that not considering the burden it places on you is indeed selfish. So I would do my best to be understanding. Easier said than done though, especially when you’re taking care of a newborn.

And this is WHY some people think maternity leave is vacation because you are parroting that this douchebag gets some me time during paternity leave. Im aghast at this response.

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Do others’ husbands ask to do similar things when their wife is on maternity leave? Did I marry a jerk?

NO

If he asked and your response was to unload on him about being selfish and a jerk, then I’d guess the cold shoulder isn’t about not going on the trip and is more about the insults you hurled at him.

I wouldn’t have been upset at the ask. But I would’ve been able to explain to him why I didn’t want him to go in a civil manner without calling him names.

I’d be fine with it if it’s only for a weekend. I don’t see a problem with it.

OP here- not a milestone celebration. Just drinking/gambling for 2 nights. We have each been on separate quick weekend trips with friends since having our first, but the timing of this one is a little offensive. AND he just went a few months ago.

OP, is there any particular reason behind this trip? Has it been planned for a while or is it spur of the moment?

Mine would never ask. And I would not let him unless it was for a major life event for a best friend. I’d be pissed. We have a high energy preschooler and I’m in the third trimester with our second. We have both taken trips with friends during the pregnancy to get some solo time. But you just don’t do that in the first few months. Covid and the delta variant are the icing on the heck no cake.

Sorry OP.

OP

He is a child divorce him now. Later will be much worse.