Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate to sound shallow, but only if child support isn't leaving him broke. Can he afford a home and 2000/month for your kid? If not, I would move on. It is sad, but truth speak.

This isn’t shallow. A relationship with this man where you mingle your finances means that you are underwriting his children from a prior marriage unless he is making a high enough income for money to not be a consideration. Your own children, should you have any, start from an economically disadvantaged position. Unless all the prior-marriage kids would be finished with child support before my hypothetical child started grade school, I would want no part of such an arrangement.

My ex makes 180k; I only get $375 a month in child support total for two kids/ Most men do not have that much financial loss from divorce because most have 50/50 custody.

But the underwriting isn’t just child support. If they have to live in a neighborhood with higher costs because of good schools, that’s more money in housing costs. Food budget is higher. Trips need to be during school vacations. Childcare costs come out of their joint budget. I’m not saying any father should begrudge a penny of this, but it would be foolish for a woman to start out in this financial position when it’s not even benefitting her own child and eilll inhibit her ability to save for her own child.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If something happened to me I would hope that woman wouldn’t write DH off just because he was a dad.

They would be missing out on a great, handsome, funny, caring man and some incredible sex.

You sound insane.

How so? I think she sounds eminently reasonable.

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate to sound shallow, but only if child support isn't leaving him broke. Can he afford a home and 2000/month for your kid? If not, I would move on. It is sad, but truth speak.

This isn’t shallow. A relationship with this man where you mingle your finances means that you are underwriting his children from a prior marriage unless he is making a high enough income for money to not be a consideration. Your own children, should you have any, start from an economically disadvantaged position. Unless all the prior-marriage kids would be finished with child support before my hypothetical child started grade school, I would want no part of such an arrangement.

My ex makes 180k; I only get $375 a month in child support total for two kids/ Most men do not have that much financial loss from divorce because most have 50/50 custody.

Anonymous wrote:You need to look back and figure out why you have not met someone in 15+ years of dating. That’s the first question.

What a stupid “first question” that would be. I married at 25 having two long term relationships before that. Why didn’t I marry at 21? Guy wasn’t the right guy. Why didn’t I marry at 23? Guy wasn’t the right guy. So the obvious answer is, and maybe sound this out to help you understand, she hasn’t met someone she wants to marry yet.

You need to look back and figure out why you have not met someone in 15+ years of dating. That’s the first question.