Anonymous wrote:There was a thread years ago about the boomer parents locking their refrigerators and portioning out tiny meals that would not sustain growing grandkids. And they also did like the visitors to go out to get any food. It was super weird.

Someone here decided to bring a huge basket of food for their family so they would not be hungry.

OP—Ignore the nasty comments here. Your fil is weird.

My DH’s family are all finger lickers. It’s gross. I brought it up with DH and lots of offense was taken. I kinda eat my own food now when visiting.

I loved that thread. The best thread.

Anonymous wrote:I have the same problem with my FIL, interesting. He also likes to toss items in front of people with no words. It might be something he wants you to read or eat or even a gift. It might be candy. And you must eat and exclaim right at that moment. But he likes to walk over and throw the thing down in front of you at the table. Then you are expected to respond immediately in some certain way. It’s very controlling.

My MIL used to to do this. I learned not to sit within range.
Before I knew better, I got trapped and brought catalogs of muumuus, flower seeds, books, and more. I could not have a single thought because the words did not stop for 45 minutes.

I was new to the family and later realized that everyone else leaving meant they were escaping after dinner. I learned my lesson and would go sit with them. She didn’t seem to do it as much if you were in a group.

Headline is gross. Is he developmentally a 2 yo in other areas too? What did he do during Covid germ time?

There was a thread years ago about the boomer parents locking their refrigerators and portioning out tiny meals that would not sustain growing grandkids. And they also did like the visitors to go out to get any food. It was super weird.

Someone here decided to bring a huge basket of food for their family so they would not be hungry.

OP—Ignore the nasty comments here. Your fil is weird.

My DH’s family are all finger lickers. It’s gross. I brought it up with DH and lots of offense was taken. I kinda eat my own food now when visiting.

Anonymous wrote:Does he use the phrase "Let me fix you a plate" and then get mad when you won't let him "fix you a plate?"

OP here. He doesn’t even offer. He just stands guard in the kitchen and hovers and takes things and takes up all the space. He just muscles around and ends up making plates/serving, etc. DH completely blocks him from making our kids’ plates. DH gets food for the kids, then the dance starts with the adults. I’m just not having it anymore. I’ll sit down with water and say I’m not eating, then when everyone starts eating, I’ll say, “Oh I think I’ll have some after all” and get my own. Or I’ll get food from my stash.

Does he use the phrase "Let me fix you a plate" and then get mad when you won't let him "fix you a plate?"

I have the same problem with my FIL, interesting. He also likes to toss items in front of people with no words. It might be something he wants you to read or eat or even a gift. It might be candy. And you must eat and exclaim right at that moment. But he likes to walk over and throw the thing down in front of you at the table. Then you are expected to respond immediately in some certain way. It’s very controlling.

My dad is the same way. Can't stand it.

Gross. Both my mom and my ILs have disgusting kitchen habits. Thank you, my dad, for being the exception.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone has gross habits then I find ways around it. Don't touch my food with the hands you just licked. I will either fix my own plate, eat separately, or offer to do the serving, or say I'm not hungry just coffee this morning. It has nothing to do with "love" it's just common sense. My parents and in-laws are in their 70s, I end up doing a lot of the serving, getting up and passing things and all the other work anyway. I don't get waited on hand and foot and then complain about it. Sounds lazy.

OP here. I, too, don’t get “waited on hand and food”—I bring my own food and work around it. Nothing “lazy” about it.

Not talking about you necessarily, you have found a solution to your problem. But the weirdo poster who associates being served with being "loved" as if love is measured by a plate of food being passed. But these all sound like passive aggressive games and I would just opt out. Doesn't sound worth it to go along with or fight back by eating a banana in front of FIL.

So OP is supposed to either eat bagels with hus saliva on them, or hide in her room to eat instead of in the dining area with everyone else? What’s your solution? I fail to see why she would have to hide because he can’t keep his paws off people’s food.

-np

OP is not looking for a solution. This was a stupid post to brag about her smug banana eating to show him who the boss was. There really was no point in posting this at all since OP never asked for advice and probably thought she was going to get a bunch of high fives. So my solution is more along the lines of "cool story, bro".

I give her a high five. He sounds both disgusting and controlling. Good for her!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not eat with in laws that have horrible hygiene and control issues OP. Why not stay somewhere else nearby and not be dependant on these people? Show up after breakfast, pack your own lunch, leave before dinner.

+1

Done.

But then OP would have to find another passive-aggressive way to entertain herself!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone has gross habits then I find ways around it. Don't touch my food with the hands you just licked. I will either fix my own plate, eat separately, or offer to do the serving, or say I'm not hungry just coffee this morning. It has nothing to do with "love" it's just common sense. My parents and in-laws are in their 70s, I end up doing a lot of the serving, getting up and passing things and all the other work anyway. I don't get waited on hand and foot and then complain about it. Sounds lazy.

OP here. I, too, don’t get “waited on hand and food”—I bring my own food and work around it. Nothing “lazy” about it.

Not talking about you necessarily, you have found a solution to your problem. But the weirdo poster who associates being served with being "loved" as if love is measured by a plate of food being passed. But these all sound like passive aggressive games and I would just opt out. Doesn't sound worth it to go along with or fight back by eating a banana in front of FIL.

So OP is supposed to either eat bagels with hus saliva on them, or hide in her room to eat instead of in the dining area with everyone else? What’s your solution? I fail to see why she would have to hide because he can’t keep his paws off people’s food.

-np

OP is not looking for a solution. This was a stupid post to brag about her smug banana eating to show him who the boss was. There really was no point in posting this at all since OP never asked for advice and probably thought she was going to get a bunch of high fives. So my solution is more along the lines of "cool story, bro".

Of course OP gets backlash, even when she finds a solution to this gross issue. I would’ve done the same thing so good for you.

OP you should step it up and bring a toaster. I’m dead serious. My MIL does this thing where she “rinses her fingers” under a drop of water and then keeps going- like wipes up the water off the floor the dog spilled, touches garbage to put paper towel in it then “runs fingers under water no soap” and then starts dishing food and roasting rolls. DH and I refuse to go eat meals with ILs. My own mom and dad will not wash hands between handling raw eggs, touching garbage and preparing food. It never bothered me growing up but now makes me ill to think about.

OP, what does your spouse say about it?