Anonymous wrote:People are losing focus -- the kid's 4.5 !!! Of course they need to learn to swim. But a 4.5 yr old should not be under this pressure. Brides?? Punishment?? The parent needs to assure his safety. That's on her. Until he's a little older and is a good swimmer.

+1000 Both my kids are great swimmers now but didn't figure how how until past 5. The more you push, the more your kid is going to hate swimming/the pool etc. So make the pool about fun this summer and try lessons again over the winter or next summer.

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Anonymous wrote:Does he actually know how to swim? I.e can he get in pool and get around without floaties? If so I would back off. If not I would say he has to take lessons until he reaches a milestone that lets him swim on his own.

He has a fantastic foundation from just a few lessons before he quit and can sort of swim. But no, he needs supervision and floaties.

No child needs floaties. He needs a parent in the water with him at that age either way, and floaties will just hinder the swimming.

People eventually need to know how to swim. 4 year olds do not need formal lessons. I wouldn't have this power struggle with a 4 year old.

I have two-year old triplets. You bet your bum they all have floaties on even though I am in the pool with them. No way I could hold them all. They absolutely get benefits from being in the water (splashing, putting face in water, blowing bubbles etc) even with the floaties on.

Floaties aren't a safety device. Kids go in life jackets unless (in which they can do all of that) and until someone can supervise 1:1.

Call me crazy but I only have one kid, no extras.

This is a safety issue and not discretionary to the child. Stop discussing and explaining. He goes to class and you get out of the way.

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Anonymous wrote:Can you be in the pool with him during the class? Maybe doing what they’re doing in a different section?

Just pay for one on one.

But I think it’s weird that you are punishing him by making him sit with you rather than getting in the pool with him during the class and trying to help him learn in another area of the pool. Making him sit out will make him even more stubborn and hating of the pool.

I have a new baby. The pool is awesome because it basically includes 45 minutes of swim instruction every morning. We have done group classes in the past. This is totally different and much better. I simply don’t have the luxury to swim with him, especially when lessons are offered.

Oh GOOD GRIEF, OP. Even if your kid is able to swim, at 4.5 you need to be able to supervise the kid in the pool. If you can't do that you shouldn't be taking him to the pool at all.

The kid doesn't want to do the lessons. He's FOUR. He can learn to swim next year. I feel like the reason you want him to do this is so you can get some free babysitting, not because you care whether or not he swims. That is not a valid reason to push this.

Back off.

+1. It's clear OP just wants free stuff and to be rid of her kid for 45 minutes. That's not what swimmining lessons are for OP, if you really wanted them to swim you'd fork over for the private lessons.

Anonymous wrote:Former lifeguard here, so I'm a bit biased--but no, I wouldn't compromise. Bribes, rewards, whatever it takes... but if it were me, I'd get that kid back to learning.

I grew up learning to swim, and have seen the other end of that spectrum (of not knowing how to swim), not having your kid know how to swim is a terrible disservice that you're depriving your kid of of a potential lifelong (and lifesaving!) skill. So I draw the line with swim lessons.

Swim lessons aren't the ONLY way to teach a kid to swim, but they're certainly the best.

I'm not sure how not knowing how to swim at 4 years old translates into a lifetime of not swimming. A bit dramatic don't you think? Plenty of kids can't swim yet at that age.

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Anonymous wrote:Can you be in the pool with him during the class? Maybe doing what they’re doing in a different section?

Just pay for one on one.

But I think it’s weird that you are punishing him by making him sit with you rather than getting in the pool with him during the class and trying to help him learn in another area of the pool. Making him sit out will make him even more stubborn and hating of the pool.

I have a new baby. The pool is awesome because it basically includes 45 minutes of swim instruction every morning. We have done group classes in the past. This is totally different and much better. I simply don’t have the luxury to swim with him, especially when lessons are offered.

Oh GOOD GRIEF, OP. Even if your kid is able to swim, at 4.5 you need to be able to supervise the kid in the pool. If you can't do that you shouldn't be taking him to the pool at all.

The kid doesn't want to do the lessons. He's FOUR. He can learn to swim next year. I feel like the reason you want him to do this is so you can get some free babysitting, not because you care whether or not he swims. That is not a valid reason to push this.

Back off.

People are losing focus -- the kid's 4.5 !!! Of course they need to learn to swim. But a 4.5 yr old should not be under this pressure. Brides?? Punishment?? The parent needs to assure his safety. That's on her. Until he's a little older and is a good swimmer.

I get the impression something happened that he is not telling you about, perhaps a near drowning experience (or at least an experience he interpreted that way).

Former lifeguard here, so I'm a bit biased--but no, I wouldn't compromise. Bribes, rewards, whatever it takes... but if it were me, I'd get that kid back to learning.

I grew up learning to swim, and have seen the other end of that spectrum (of not knowing how to swim), not having your kid know how to swim is a terrible disservice that you're depriving your kid of of a potential lifelong (and lifesaving!) skill. So I draw the line with swim lessons.

Swim lessons aren't the ONLY way to teach a kid to swim, but they're certainly the best.

For my kid, even when he says he doesn't want the group lessons, he ends up liking them because his friends are there. So there's the social aspect. Does your kid have friends in the group? Can you connect with a parent friend you know to encourage friendship? My kid has been motivated to do lots of activities just by virtue of having a friend there.

And for us, the "big reward" is getting to go off the diving board, which he desperately wants to do. But he needs to pass the swimming test to go off the diving board, and he needs the classes to do the swimming test.

Otherwise, I'd just stick with what you're doing. Lessons, or sit with mom. I think letting him choose the days is also good. No reason to do every weekday. Once or twice a week should be fine.

The few times that my kid has wanted to end his lesson early, I've told him we are leaving the pool then, and he decides to stay.

Also, yes, as other people mentioned, ice cream afterwards (helps that there's an ice cream truck that parks by our pool).

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Anonymous wrote:My kid got so much more out of 1 on 1 lessons with an amazing instructor (who also coaches special olympics) than a class.

I know but the classes really are good. And they build team community. Plus they’re basically included with the pool membership. I’m really hesitant to pay extra for this.

Why did you ask for advice if every time an experienced parent gives it to you, you just repeat endlessly "but this class is AMAZING and it's FREE?"

Because I did not ask “should we do group or 1:1 lessons?” I asked how hard to push, bribe, or give consequences. We’ve done lessons and have seen many lessons over the years and these group classes, offered every day for 45 mins, are fantastic.

I’m not asking about 1:1. I’m asking what to do with my son. Push him? Let him sit with me? Completely bribe?

None of the above. You cannot physically force him to remain in the pool and participate in swim class. Get over your ridiculous obsession with how GREAT and FREE the class is which your child will not participate in at age 4.5 and either stop whining “bit class is freeeeeeee” and pay for private now or wait until he’s older.

Next question?

+1 Seriously OP your being ridiculous and OBSTINATE.

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Anonymous wrote:My kid got so much more out of 1 on 1 lessons with an amazing instructor (who also coaches special olympics) than a class.

I know but the classes really are good. And they build team community. Plus they’re basically included with the pool membership. I’m really hesitant to pay extra for this.

Why did you ask for advice if every time an experienced parent gives it to you, you just repeat endlessly "but this class is AMAZING and it's FREE?"

Because I did not ask “should we do group or 1:1 lessons?” I asked how hard to push, bribe, or give consequences. We’ve done lessons and have seen many lessons over the years and these group classes, offered every day for 45 mins, are fantastic.

I’m not asking about 1:1. I’m asking what to do with my son. Push him? Let him sit with me? Completely bribe?

None of the above. You cannot physically force him to remain in the pool and participate in swim class. Get over your ridiculous obsession with how GREAT and FREE the class is which your child will not participate in at age 4.5 and either stop whining “bit class is freeeeeeee” and pay for private now or wait until he’s older.

Next question?