Anonymous
Post 07/07/2021 13:47     Subject: Racist relative wants to see my kids
OP you got all this information 3rd hand 20 years ago. Just because 3 people repeated it doesn’t make it true or accurate. Ever heard of embellished gossip? Oh that Aunt Becky she’s so racist. She said “ xxxxx” to her neighbor!
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2021 13:44     Subject: Racist relative wants to see my kids
20 years is a very long time to be unforgiving of a few remarks. If Aunt Becky wants to make amends you should try. Or font if you still want to hold your grudge snd hurt feelings.
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2021 12:36     Subject: Racist relative wants to see my kids
Aunt Becky would need to speak with me first and apologize.
Also I don't think you have enough heat for your MIL here. Your MIL knowing what Aunt Becky said and did has kept up a friendship with her and now wants to take your kids over. She's essentially telling you she doesn't think racism is a big deal.
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2021 11:39     Subject: Re:Racist relative wants to see my kids
Anonymous wrote:So, 20 years ago you heard from someone that she said you were “no good”? Couldn’t she just as easily say: “This woman has hated me for 20 years for something that I said that got twisted and misinterpreted?” This is why with family you should always try to assume best intentions. Have you ever had a real conversation with her?


Explain how this could have been a perfectly innocent statement that was misinterpreted by multiple other family members: "said some very racist things about me to his mother. and others. Aunt Becky said people from my race were no good and that my husband should break up with me and even lobbied some relatives to push for our breakup (for the record, this was seconded by multiple people, so it is not mere hearsay)."
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2021 11:36     Subject: Re:Racist relative wants to see my kids
So, 20 years ago you heard from someone that she said you were “no good”? Couldn’t she just as easily say: “This woman has hated me for 20 years for something that I said that got twisted and misinterpreted?” This is why with family you should always try to assume best intentions. Have you ever had a real conversation with her?
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2021 11:27     Subject: Racist relative wants to see my kids
Anonymous wrote:I think if you were going to be there with the children at the pool and give "Aunt Becky" a chance to make things right, that would be one thing and I would go.

I would not send the children without me, or with just their grandmother.


+1 Im also a minority with a white husband, and I agree with this. I would want to be there if my children were exposed to any racist talk against my race so we could immediately talk about it and they don't develop self hatred or see me in a different light, especially coming from a relative words have meaning.
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2021 11:23     Subject: Re:Racist relative wants to see my kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Agree with above poster. If Aunt Becky wants to meet them, this could be a great move towards education/reconciliation/acceptance.


Then Aunt Becky can apologize to OP. It’s not her kids’ job to educate the old racist.


Well said PP! +100


This isn't a friend she can just demand an apology from or else de-friend. It's a relative, forever. Sometimes it's better to be happy than to be right.

WTF?????
How does that apply in this situation?
Do you understand what racism is???????
Your ignorance is exhausting.


You mean like, being arab and having extended in law say "sand N--" to me? Yes, I do.
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2021 09:48     Subject: Re:Racist relative wants to see my kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Agree with above poster. If Aunt Becky wants to meet them, this could be a great move towards education/reconciliation/acceptance.


Then Aunt Becky can apologize to OP. It’s not her kids’ job to educate the old racist.


Well said PP! +100


This isn't a friend she can just demand an apology from or else de-friend. It's a relative, forever. Sometimes it's better to be happy than to be right.


This is a distant relative that they've lived perfectly happily without for years. Of course she can be defriended. There's no law saying you have to socialize with people just because you happen to share some DNA. I would drop my own parents or siblings without any qualms or regrets if they were racists, and it would be their loss. Some random member of my spouse's extended family would be an easy cut. What does this woman bring to the table? She appears to have had exactly zero positive contributions to OP's family's life.
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2021 09:20     Subject: Re:Racist relative wants to see my kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Agree with above poster. If Aunt Becky wants to meet them, this could be a great move towards education/reconciliation/acceptance.


Then Aunt Becky can apologize to OP. It’s not her kids’ job to educate the old racist.


Well said PP! +100


This isn't a friend she can just demand an apology from or else de-friend. It's a relative, forever. Sometimes it's better to be happy than to be right.

WTF?????
How does that apply in this situation?
Do you understand what racism is???????
Your ignorance is exhausting.
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2021 01:00     Subject: Racist relative wants to see my kids
Anonymous wrote:OP, does Aunt Becky even know that you know what she did 20 years ago? If not, she may have changed and you just don’t know. I would have your husband pick up the phone and call her. Explain that he knows what she did many years ago and isn’t sure he wants his family around her if that’s how she still feels. Gives her an opportunity to apologize then. If she gets all defensive, then you don’t go.

There was a really interesting article a while back about a black guy who spent a lot of time with a KKK member. The racist eventually rebuked his old beliefs but never would have done so without relationships and real dialogue. I’m not saying you should hang out with a KKK member but for me it was just a reminder that dialogue matters.


Still not a situation that children need to be set up to deal with, especially when their parents aren’t present.
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2021 00:42     Subject: Re:Racist relative wants to see my kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Agree with above poster. If Aunt Becky wants to meet them, this could be a great move towards education/reconciliation/acceptance.


Then Aunt Becky can apologize to OP. It’s not her kids’ job to educate the old racist.


Well said PP! +100


This isn't a friend she can just demand an apology from or else de-friend. It's a relative, forever. Sometimes it's better to be happy than to be right.
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2021 00:37     Subject: Racist relative wants to see my kids
Anonymous wrote:How close are you to your MIL? Could you let her know your hesitation? Ask her if Aunt B had changed and if she would treat your kids differently because of their race?

Also, are your kids good swimmers because another concern of mine would be that no one would keep an eye on them and there’s a risk of drowning.


Aunt Becky would be so sad if the mixed-race kids had a swimming accident on her watch.
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2021 00:12     Subject: Racist relative wants to see my kids
Whatever you do, hope it works out, OP. It's so tedious dragging these old racists and homophobes kicking and screaming into the twenty-first century.
Anonymous
Post 07/06/2021 23:13     Subject: Re:Racist relative wants to see my kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Agree with above poster. If Aunt Becky wants to meet them, this could be a great move towards education/reconciliation/acceptance.


Then Aunt Becky can apologize to OP. It’s not her kids’ job to educate the old racist.


Well said PP! +100
Anonymous
Post 07/06/2021 21:58     Subject: Racist relative wants to see my kids
You're comfortable spending time with those relatives who repeated the racist things to you, so I don't see why this is different. And I hope you aren't naive enough to believe those relatives who told you thought any differently.