Anonymous
07/01/2021 12:21
Subject: Angry about DH’s work situation
Echoing others that it's the length of his workday that is the problem, not his commute.
My commute is 45-55 minutes each way, depending on traffic. I need to be home by 6 to pick the kids up from camp / after-school care. So I (or DH) drop them off at 7:30 and hit the road. In the office by 8:30, work through lunch or at most take a maximum 30 minute lunch break, leave by 5. Home in time to pick up kids and make dinner. If I need to, I can get back on my computer after they are in bed.
I would tell DH that you really need him home by 6. How he works that out is his problem to solve.
My commute is 45-55 minutes each way, depending on traffic. I need to be home by 6 to pick the kids up from camp / after-school care. So I (or DH) drop them off at 7:30 and hit the road. In the office by 8:30, work through lunch or at most take a maximum 30 minute lunch break, leave by 5. Home in time to pick up kids and make dinner. If I need to, I can get back on my computer after they are in bed.
I would tell DH that you really need him home by 6. How he works that out is his problem to solve.
Anonymous
07/01/2021 12:06
Subject: Angry about DH’s work situation
Anonymous wrote:An hour commute is common. This board seems to skew towards people who live two minutes from their jobs, but that's not the reality for most of us. What I don't understand is that he's working ten hour days then stacking an hour on each way. He needs to cool it with the ten hour days. If he worked 8 hours then commuted he'd be fine.
I will say it is not uncommon for an hour lunch to be built in (unpaid), so 8-5 (or 9-6) is a standard schedule. But people with long commutes generally cut the lunch as short as possible.
The problem in this case is that OP and husband did have short commutes, and that was working for everyone. Now they don't, and it isn't working. There a several options, but I'd be very angry if my husband just threw his hands up and acted like the new normal was fine. It is not fine.
Anonymous
07/01/2021 08:48
Subject: Re:Angry about DH’s work situation
Anonymous wrote:Can you outsource some things to make your life easier? Cleaning? Cooking? After school child care? My brother works very long hours and travels a lot. SIL has after school child care. She works part time and brother doesn’t get it but he doesn’t understand how much there is to do (if not clear, I’m in favor of the child care). In terms of the kids, can your dh come home earlier and then work at home later in the evening (if he isn’t the type to get in early)? Also, it may not be forever and policies may become more flexible eventually. Dh said his ceo stated that everyone must be back in the office bc he thinks people are more productive in the office. But flexibility may come back at some point (although I have no crystal ball).
DH needs to arrange for this care and a back up plan.
Anonymous
07/01/2021 08:42
Subject: Angry about DH’s work situation
An hour commute is common. This board seems to skew towards people who live two minutes from their jobs, but that's not the reality for most of us. What I don't understand is that he's working ten hour days then stacking an hour on each way. He needs to cool it with the ten hour days. If he worked 8 hours then commuted he'd be fine.
Anonymous
07/01/2021 08:23
Subject: Re:Angry about DH’s work situation
Can you outsource some things to make your life easier? Cleaning? Cooking? After school child care? My brother works very long hours and travels a lot. SIL has after school child care. She works part time and brother doesn’t get it but he doesn’t understand how much there is to do (if not clear, I’m in favor of the child care). In terms of the kids, can your dh come home earlier and then work at home later in the evening (if he isn’t the type to get in early)? Also, it may not be forever and policies may become more flexible eventually. Dh said his ceo stated that everyone must be back in the office bc he thinks people are more productive in the office. But flexibility may come back at some point (although I have no crystal ball).
Anonymous
07/01/2021 08:04
Subject: Angry about DH’s work situation
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:The far flung suburbs suck. The pricing usually reflects this.
Cities suck. The crime rates usually reflect this.
oh boy. the obsession and exaggeration with crime rates in cities are so exaggerated.
Anyway Op, you're in a bad situation.
You're practically a married single mother lol
Anonymous
07/01/2021 07:48
Subject: Re:Angry about DH’s work situation
Yeah, start here and see if that change helps. DH has a 45 minute commute (my company is one of the magical ones that promised WFH and delivered), but he’s home for dinner every night.Anonymous wrote:Why does he work 10 hour days? (7:30 AM - 7:30 PM minus 2 hour of commuting)
He needs to knock that s*it off.
Anonymous
07/01/2021 07:41
Subject: Angry about DH’s work situation
Anonymous wrote:The hour commute is common place in the DC area. Plenty of others make it work, you can too.
No, SHE shouldn’t. THEY should. And he is not contributing. Don’t be a doormat.
Anonymous
07/01/2021 07:35
Subject: Angry about DH’s work situation
The hour commute is common place in the DC area. Plenty of others make it work, you can too.
Anonymous
07/01/2021 07:32
Subject: Angry about DH’s work situation
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Can you scale down to part-time work as a compromise?
Why should she be the one to scale down to part-time? He's the one living the dream--gets to stay out all day and abdicate the child care and household responsibilities, and gains the time he needs to pursue an affair. Win for him.
Exactly — let him go part time and step it up on the home front.
This is honestly what I’d ask him to do. Go 80% so he can be home by 5. Or hire a nanny.