Anonymous
Post 06/29/2021 10:24     Subject: Uncomfortable in a bikini
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the feedback. I am glad to know there are others who feel uncomfortable like me in a bikini.

I understand it is me who needs to change or adapt. I want to be just like other women who are in a bikini with a drink in one hand and can confidently chat with men. I grew up in a culture where this is just not the norm.

So my question I guess really is, if this something that women just grow into it and if so, there is some hope for me. In that case maybe if I try wearing a few times I might slowly get comfortable after a while.

DH is white and is supportive of me in whatever I am comfortable. It is just as likely I am imagining things when I said checking out other women. But it how I feel.

Thanks for putting up with my rant and all the helpful suggestions!


I am in my 50s and a tall size 18. I gained weight over the last year and feel so gross. I recently went to a nude beach and it was life-altering. I took it all off and frolicked on in the waves. I had never been naked in front of anyone but a doctor or men I dated. A guy in his 20s came to hang out with us on the beach (it wasn't creepy). I also wore a bikini for the first time since I was 13. I suggest you follow Lizzo on her IG. Every body is a beach body. if someone is grossed out by me they don't have to look.


NP, I'm happy you got out there. I do follow Lizzo. While every body is a beach body, not all of of use are comfortable in binikis or at a nude beach. Whether it's board shorts and a swim shirt, one-piece, tankini, or bikini, we need to wear what we are comfortable in. Period.
Anonymous
Post 06/29/2021 10:14     Subject: Uncomfortable in a bikini
OP here. Thanks again for the replies. It is very helpful. It really is so helpful to read the various opinions.

I agree, that it is 100% my issue and mine alone. Just trying to find help to better myself. That is all.
Anonymous
Post 06/29/2021 10:14     Subject: Uncomfortable in a bikini
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the feedback. I am glad to know there are others who feel uncomfortable like me in a bikini.

I understand it is me who needs to change or adapt. I want to be just like other women who are in a bikini with a drink in one hand and can confidently chat with men. I grew up in a culture where this is just not the norm.

So my question I guess really is, if this something that women just grow into it and if so, there is some hope for me. In that case maybe if I try wearing a few times I might slowly get comfortable after a while.

DH is white and is supportive of me in whatever I am comfortable. It is just as likely I am imagining things when I said checking out other women. But it how I feel.

Thanks for putting up with my rant and all the helpful suggestions!


I am in my 50s and a tall size 18. I gained weight over the last year and feel so gross. I recently went to a nude beach and it was life-altering. I took it all off and frolicked on in the waves. I had never been naked in front of anyone but a doctor or men I dated. A guy in his 20s came to hang out with us on the beach (it wasn't creepy). I also wore a bikini for the first time since I was 13. I suggest you follow Lizzo on her IG. Every body is a beach body. if someone is grossed out by me they don't have to look.
Anonymous
Post 06/29/2021 10:12     Subject: Re:Uncomfortable in a bikini
I’m also not really comfortable in a bikini. I’ll do it on a beach with a lot of space and some anonymity, or maybe on vacation again with anonymity. Most of the time I wear a rash guard for sun protection anyway.
Anonymous
Post 06/29/2021 09:36     Subject: Uncomfortable in a bikini
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the feedback. I am glad to know there are others who feel uncomfortable like me in a bikini.

I understand it is me who needs to change or adapt. I want to be just like other women who are in a bikini with a drink in one hand and can confidently chat with men. I grew up in a culture where this is just not the norm.

So my question I guess really is, if this something that women just grow into it and if so, there is some hope for me. In that case maybe if I try wearing a few times I might slowly get comfortable after a while.

DH is white and is supportive of me in whatever I am comfortable. It is just as likely I am imagining things when I said checking out other women. But it how I feel.

Thanks for putting up with my rant and all the helpful suggestions!


Just buy some bikinis and just do it! I swear you will be confident after like two times! You will feel amazing. Seriously. I used to feel self conscious and then I just decided to wear them. I’m fit and in my mid 40s. Not a super model, but I think I look ok!! Don’t do this tankini nonsense. Get out there and just do it!


Tankini nonsense? Many women are comfortable in them. It's not nonsense. MYOB
Anonymous
Post 06/29/2021 09:28     Subject: Uncomfortable in a bikini
Just came here to defend the husband. Sounds like he was just chatting with the neighbors.

It would have been worse if he refused to look in their direction when speaking, because they were in a bikini. Think about how DCUM would have responded to that.
Anonymous
Post 06/29/2021 08:39     Subject: Uncomfortable in a bikini
Wear what you feel confident in. Period. No one cares but you really shouldn't miss out of fun experiences because you are too self conscious. that is just sad.
Anonymous
Post 06/29/2021 07:58     Subject: Uncomfortable in a bikini
I wear a short sleeve rash guard and swim shorts. I have basically a bikini body with a large chest. Its just not comfortable for chasing kiddos or having to put on sunscreen on my back. Dh doesn't care, he also doesn't flirt with other women. Talks to other moms and people he knows of course.
Anonymous
Post 06/29/2021 07:56     Subject: Uncomfortable in a bikini
Agree with the previous poster who recommended a beautiful cover up. I have some designer ones that I love. I can pull off a bikini, and I do when I'm vacationing just the husband and I, but at the club/community pool with kids, I need to protect myself from the sun. I've never felt out of the loop or self conscious because I'm in a cover up!
Anonymous
Post 06/29/2021 07:53     Subject: Uncomfortable in a bikini
Anonymous wrote:BIkins are show off, be sexy swimwear, they aren't practical swimwear. That does not mean you deserved to be sexually harassed, but let's not pretend that they are something else.



Lots of women aren't comfortable in bikinis. I don't like them because other forms of swimwear fit better, and are actually useful for swimming and sun protection.

If you truly want to wear a bikini wear one, you can start slow by following one of the suggestions listed here.

However if your husband is being disrespectful by oogling and flirting with women a bikinis in front of you and the kids that's not going to change no matter you wear because you have a husband problem.


DP. Characterizing bikinis as "show off, be sexy swimwear" is pretty weird. They're a majority of the bathing suit market, and IMO more comfortable and practical than a one-piece, which is a pain when you have to use the bathroom. But also, given OP's extreme hangups about swimwear and statements that she doesn't actually know if her husband is ogling women, it sounds like that may not be an accurate description of what's happening.
Anonymous
Post 06/29/2021 07:23     Subject: Uncomfortable in a bikini
BIkins are show off, be sexy swimwear, they aren't practical swimwear. That does not mean you deserved to be sexually harassed, but let's not pretend that they are something else.



Lots of women aren't comfortable in bikinis. I don't like them because other forms of swimwear fit better, and are actually useful for swimming and sun protection.

If you truly want to wear a bikini wear one, you can start slow by following one of the suggestions listed here.

However if your husband is being disrespectful by oogling and flirting with women a bikinis in front of you and the kids that's not going to change no matter you wear because you have a husband problem.
Anonymous
Post 06/29/2021 07:06     Subject: Uncomfortable in a bikini
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Oh ok so DH is gross because he may take a few glances at a beautiful women in a bikini. Get real. Obviously OP is way jealous and thinks her DH is checking them out based solely on the fact he is wearing sunglasses and isn’t being anti social with the other parents.


I have to agree here. does he only talk to women who are wearing bikinis? You’re saying he doesn’t talk to any men? Only women in bikinis and staring at their bodies? Something doesn’t sound right here, definitely sounds like OP is a little insecure.


+1. We talk to men and women at the pool. The primary discussion is how long they've lived here, what part of the neighborhood, how old kids are and generally other stuff about the kids. Totally normal to talk to people at the pool.
Anonymous
Post 06/29/2021 07:06     Subject: Uncomfortable in a bikini
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the feedback. I am glad to know there are others who feel uncomfortable like me in a bikini.

I understand it is me who needs to change or adapt. I want to be just like other women who are in a bikini with a drink in one hand and can confidently chat with men. I grew up in a culture where this is just not the norm.

So my question I guess really is, if this something that women just grow into it and if so, there is some hope for me. In that case maybe if I try wearing a few times I might slowly get comfortable after a while.

DH is white and is supportive of me in whatever I am comfortable. It is just as likely I am imagining things when I said checking out other women. But it how I feel.

Thanks for putting up with my rant and all the helpful suggestions!


I'm not comfortable in a bathing suit either, they're just not that flattering on my body. But, I think it's really important that kids learn to swim, and get exercise in the water, so I put one on every damn summer and try and enjoy myself. For me, I'm doing it for the kids, maybe if that's your mindset you will feel more comfortable. Your kids aren't going to remember what your body looked like, or what your wore, but they will remember if mom never played with them at the pool.
Anonymous
Post 06/29/2021 06:54     Subject: Uncomfortable in a bikini
You should wear whatever you want, and as others have pointed out there are lots of options. I do think you should find something that works for you so you can enjoy this with your husband and kids. But to answer your question, I feel perfectly comfortable around a pool in a bikini or other bathing suit, including with men around, and always have. I'm comfortable in my skin and don't feel that my body is inherently sexual as it simply exists and moves through the world.
Anonymous
Post 06/29/2021 06:45     Subject: Re:Uncomfortable in a bikini
Anonymous wrote:Wear a one piece and a coverup. Only take it off for the 30 seconds to get in and out of the water.


That’s what I do.