I don't mind people in my room, its a nice room to be in but kids are not hanging out in there. I don't remember telling anyone its off limits. What I have a major issue with is a kid jumping or walking across the furniture. I would say over half playdates require my correction and two kids mine love get less invites because they don't listen and jump on the couch. I am worried they will fall and get hurt. Why is prancing across the couch and coffee table ok with other families?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So surprised so many people have outside locks on bedroom doors.

It's not normal. It's only for people who are not doing a good job of raising their kids.

+1. Well-mannered children know to stay out of private spaces, especially in other people’s homes. And if they don’t know that, they CERTAINLY should know to obey the parent when they are over for a play date.

My kids obey the adult in charge, whether it is at school, at grandma’s house, or on a play date. That’s how my kids are raised.

+1

I would find it really weird, or (the other kids') home life really weird, if the kid was dyin gto do something at my house that that kid could not do at their house.

We used to have play dates with a kid every week, and he would go to inappropriate Youtube channels and raid the pantry. My kids aren't perfect, but they knew appropriate boundaries. You could tell that the parents had issues at home. The mom tried to correct ME (!!!) about HER kids' behavior. I said I have no idea what (that kid's) home rules are, but my kid doesn't do that when your kid is not around, so it sounds like a "you" problem. If the kids are old enough to be on their own during a playdate, they simply should not be doing inappropriate things at someone else's house. It's not on me.

Anyway, lock your door, if you must, OP. But keep an eye on that kid, too. You don't need to be the free babysitter.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP never came back to talk about the age of the kids and what her own child is doing when the other kid goes in her bedroom. I think that's pretty telling - OP's kid is the instigator, not the guest.

Hi, OP here. Sorry to disappoint, I was at an outdoor dinner last night and am just catching up.

The age of my daughter (who does not enter my bedroom with the visiting friend) and the friend are 8.

Here’s what happens: They’ll both be upstairs playing in my daughter’s bedroom, and then I’ll hear my bedroom door open, and when I go up, sure enough Visitor Jane is in my bedroom. Again. So I tell her not to go in my bedroom. Again. This happens at least once a play date.

Based on the responses here, I am inclined only to invite Jane for meet-up-in-the-park play dates and such, and (when things get a little more normal) birthday parties, if we do a birthday party in our home. No more our-house play dates. We’ll still socialize with her, but if she can’t obey the rules of the house, no more invites for play dates.

I mean that’s fair and your response is reasonable. Not sure why we all had to spiral into layers of judgment, but that’s what we do here. Anyway, I wouldn’t judge a kids for doing it once, but repeatedly is an issue. I would tell the parents too. Hopefully they’ll help her learn from the natural consequence of not being invited over.

She could be a naturally curious kid but not listening repeatedly is odd.

I hate it when kids wander around my house. Takes a lot of correction. If kid doesn’t listen the first few times, no more play dates at my house. This may vary depending on layout of one’s house. Tell the guest and your kid it’s not allowed. I refuse to use what little leisure time I have enforcing rules on others’ kids, so habitual offenders wouldn’t be invited back. Your house, your rules. There a way to be stern and matter of fact without being mean.

Anonymous wrote:OP never came back to talk about the age of the kids and what her own child is doing when the other kid goes in her bedroom. I think that's pretty telling - OP's kid is the instigator, not the guest.

Hi, OP here. Sorry to disappoint, I was at an outdoor dinner last night and am just catching up.

The age of my daughter (who does not enter my bedroom with the visiting friend) and the friend are 8.

Here’s what happens: They’ll both be upstairs playing in my daughter’s bedroom, and then I’ll hear my bedroom door open, and when I go up, sure enough Visitor Jane is in my bedroom. Again. So I tell her not to go in my bedroom. Again. This happens at least once a play date.

Based on the responses here, I am inclined only to invite Jane for meet-up-in-the-park play dates and such, and (when things get a little more normal) birthday parties, if we do a birthday party in our home. No more our-house play dates. We’ll still socialize with her, but if she can’t obey the rules of the house, no more invites for play dates.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So surprised so many people have outside locks on bedroom doors.

So surprised so many people don't understand how interior door locks work.

People don't have outside locks on their bedroom doors, PP. They have the kind of doors when you can push the button or twist the lock on the inside knob and then close the door - voila, it's locked from the outside! Then you either use the little stick or bobby pin or coin or guitar pick or whatever you use when your toddler accidentally locks himself in the bathroom to get in.

Those of us who have good manners and who properly raise our children do not need to know so much about locks. We use locks when we are inside our bedroom for sex only. Our children have been raised to knock, and not to enter the private spaces of someone else’s home without first asking for permission.

OP never came back to talk about the age of the kids and what her own child is doing when the other kid goes in her bedroom. I think that's pretty telling - OP's kid is the instigator, not the guest.

Anonymous wrote:I’m honestly baffled by this thread. What is in there?? A large collection of s*x toys?

You seriously don't see why someone wouldn't want a young child in their bedroom? Let me tell you why we wouldn't want a friend of our kids in our own bedroom (YMMV):

- My home office is in a nook of the room. I don't want anyone mixing up or coloring on the important papers on or in my desk.
- I don't want children getting into my jewelry, makeup, other personal items
- And yes, I don't want kids finding my vibrator, etc.

You can use the word SEX, PP, it's not banned.

Anonymous wrote:So surprised so many people have outside locks on bedroom doors.

So surprised so many people don't understand how interior door locks work.




People don't have outside locks on their bedroom doors, PP. They have the kind of doors when you can push the button or twist the lock on the inside knob and then close the door - voila, it's locked from the outside! Then you either use the little stick or bobby pin or coin or guitar pick or whatever you use when your toddler accidentally locks himself in the bathroom to get in.

Anonymous wrote:I teach my kids not to go upstairs at all unless invited. If it's a rambler, they are not to go into bedrooms for the same reason.

That's how I was raised and raised mine. Part of learning how to behave as a guest in someone else's home.

Kids who don’t listen and follow my house rules don’t get invited back.

Anonymous wrote:I’m honestly baffled by this thread. What is in there?? A large collection of s*x toys?

I feel sorry for your husband if you are “baffled” that some of us do, indeed, have toys.

Anonymous wrote:My kids go in our bedroom all the time, and I know at least one parent of a friend also lets her daughter in often, so it would truly never occur to me to give this instruction. In fact it would often be most appropriate for them to come use our bathroom instead of the other second floor bathroom, like if the au pair were in the other bathroom getting ready to go out.

Do you get that other homes are different? We have four bathrooms, so there would never be any need for a guest to go in the master bathroom.

Anonymous wrote:My kids were always welcome in my room but rarely went in because I didn’t make it a big deal. Some of you are so uptight.

Here is what is “uptight”: being so rigid as to think that your personal preferences and viewpoint are The Only Way that should be followed by everyone else.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So surprised so many people have outside locks on bedroom doors.

It's not normal. It's only for people who are not doing a good job of raising their kids.

+1. Well-mannered children know to stay out of private spaces, especially in other people’s homes. And if they don’t know that, they CERTAINLY should know to obey the parent when they are over for a play date.

My kids obey the adult in charge, whether it is at school, at grandma’s house, or on a play date. That’s how my kids are raised.