Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why I would cause physical pain to a child because I wasn’t willing to teach them to behave? At that point I would just not have children? Because things like biting, traffic, grabbing knives are all behaviors parents teach children not to do all the time, all over the world, without hitting them. Hitting them would just mean I was a failure and that hardly seems the fault of a child.

Let me guess you either don’t have kids or don’t have defiant non-docile kids.

Haha I have an extremely strong willed toddler. But that doesn’t make it less my job to teach her how to behave. That’s like letting a kid sleep outside and when someone tells you you’ve failed your child saying “I bet
Your kids make their bed every morning!”

All kids generally are and labeling your child extremely strong willed isn't the answer. It sounds like parentign is a challenge. 2 year olds need lots of supervision and support.

Only if you consider being extremely strong willed a negative trait. Personally I think it will serve her well. It’s still my job to teach her to live in this world without hitting people, so I don’t see any reason that I should hit her. Why would I have a kid if I wanted to hit them?

And yes it was just a swat to the but.

health/safety (like running out into the street) or serious property destruction.

I think part of the problem is some people think spanking is a quick swat to the butt, over the kids pants, in the moment of the serious transgression. And some people think spanking is bringing the kid inside and using a belt.

To me, the first one happens to most parents at least once if their young child does something truly dangerous (road, jumping into the lake, pulling a random pitbulls tail at the park, etc). The second one is abusive.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For behavior that is truly dangerous and often a surprise, like running into the road or climbing a bookcase, I have created a really scary story about why you can't do those things. Monsters of various forms, make it visual, make it gripping. You can tell when you have a three year old's attention. I have found it totally eliminated the running into the road / bookcase climbing, for years so far.

New misbehavior that is also dangerous, like around siblings, I try to focus on time outs and removing attention from the bad behavior. It requires a few deep breaths sometimes, for sure.

Or, for things like running in the road and climbing, you heavily supervise and make sure those things never happen. When mine would run, they either would stay home or in a stroller. I wouldn't take them out for a few weeks and they'd stay with Dad.

How nice for you to have that option!

^^oh and for the traffic one my toddler randomly sprinted into the road just yesterday, when he was by my side on the sidewalk, after having been spanked (lightly obviously) for it about 6 months ago and never trying it again. A car slammed on its breaks, I lost maybe 20 years off my life, and I screamed so loud i am sure it traumatized him more than the spank that he clearly forgot about since he tried it again. I have heart palpitations just thinking about it again. Some toddlers just do insane and unpredictable things (like sprinting across the neighborhood, not busy, road when I’m RIGHT THERE speaking with my other child, before I can grab him and when the one car of the hour happened to go by) and if a quick spank means he won’t do it again for a few months, then Jesus, getting a spank is better then getting run over.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why I would cause physical pain to a child because I wasn’t willing to teach them to behave? At that point I would just not have children? Because things like biting, traffic, grabbing knives are all behaviors parents teach children not to do all the time, all over the world, without hitting them. Hitting them would just mean I was a failure and that hardly seems the fault of a child.

Let me guess you either don’t have kids or don’t have defiant non-docile kids.

Haha I have an extremely strong willed toddler. But that doesn’t make it less my job to teach her how to behave. That’s like letting a kid sleep outside and when someone tells you you’ve failed your child saying “I bet
Your kids make their bed every morning!”

All kids generally are and labeling your child extremely strong willed isn't the answer. It sounds like parentign is a challenge. 2 year olds need lots of supervision and support.

Anonymous wrote:For behavior that is truly dangerous and often a surprise, like running into the road or climbing a bookcase, I have created a really scary story about why you can't do those things. Monsters of various forms, make it visual, make it gripping. You can tell when you have a three year old's attention. I have found it totally eliminated the running into the road / bookcase climbing, for years so far.

New misbehavior that is also dangerous, like around siblings, I try to focus on time outs and removing attention from the bad behavior. It requires a few deep breaths sometimes, for sure.

Or, for things like running in the road and climbing, you heavily supervise and make sure those things never happen. When mine would run, they either would stay home or in a stroller. I wouldn't take them out for a few weeks and they'd stay with Dad.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why I would cause physical pain to a child because I wasn’t willing to teach them to behave? At that point I would just not have children? Because things like biting, traffic, grabbing knives are all behaviors parents teach children not to do all the time, all over the world, without hitting them. Hitting them would just mean I was a failure and that hardly seems the fault of a child.

Let me guess you either don’t have kids or don’t have defiant non-docile kids.

Haha I have an extremely strong willed toddler. But that doesn’t make it less my job to teach her how to behave. That’s like letting a kid sleep outside and when someone tells you you’ve failed your child saying “I bet
Your kids make their bed every morning!”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why I would cause physical pain to a child because I wasn’t willing to teach them to behave? At that point I would just not have children? Because things like biting, traffic, grabbing knives are all behaviors parents teach children not to do all the time, all over the world, without hitting them. Hitting them would just mean I was a failure and that hardly seems the fault of a child.

Let me guess you either don’t have kids or don’t have defiant non-docile kids.

Right? People teach their kids these lessons all over the world every day by either 1) the kid gets cut with the knife by mistake and learns by trial and error, or 2) gets a quick swat on the butt for grabbing the knife and learns to not do it again.

The only people who gently say “no, Henry, no knives please, no thank you!” 743 times over the course of his toddlerhood are helicopter parents whose children never have the opportunity to learn via the other routes. And when they do it at grandmas house a year later their hand will still get cut the same as it would have when they were a toddler.

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why I would cause physical pain to a child because I wasn’t willing to teach them to behave? At that point I would just not have children? Because things like biting, traffic, grabbing knives are all behaviors parents teach children not to do all the time, all over the world, without hitting them. Hitting them would just mean I was a failure and that hardly seems the fault of a child.

Let me guess you either don’t have kids or don’t have defiant non-docile kids.

We spanked for when our then two year old tried to slap DH. They never tried hitting again. Literally one spanking. We aren’t opposed to spanking but our child has never misbehaved enough to warrant it since they were two and tried to hit.

Child is 6.5 now.

For behavior that is truly dangerous and often a surprise, like running into the road or climbing a bookcase, I have created a really scary story about why you can't do those things. Monsters of various forms, make it visual, make it gripping. You can tell when you have a three year old's attention. I have found it totally eliminated the running into the road / bookcase climbing, for years so far.

New misbehavior that is also dangerous, like around siblings, I try to focus on time outs and removing attention from the bad behavior. It requires a few deep breaths sometimes, for sure.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Older child bit the younger child. One hard whack with the belt on the behind sent a strong and clear message to the brain: that is completely wrong. After the spanking, biting never happened again. I would say a spanking is as effective as 500 time outs with whining & pleading to be a good child and behave.

Whack! It works, has worked for thousands of years to correct a child. I have actually had people come up to me and marvel how well behaved my children are. I joke and tell them they are afraid of getting beaten half to death so they know to behave.

When my #1 bit my #2, I picked #2 up and hurried away while saying...WE DO NOT PLAY WITH PEOPLE WHO BITE...and then ignored #1 for a good long time while having lots of fun with #2. Biting never happened again.

Ignoring your little kid while lavishing attention on your other little kid in my mind is more damaging than a simple swipe to the bottom. I’d rather get a swat to the bottom than to have a mother’s love withdrawn and given to my sibling. Jesus.

DC #1 is the cause of multiple threads on DCUM on the spouse that gives the silent treatment.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Older child bit the younger child. One hard whack with the belt on the behind sent a strong and clear message to the brain: that is completely wrong. After the spanking, biting never happened again. I would say a spanking is as effective as 500 time outs with whining & pleading to be a good child and behave.

Whack! It works, has worked for thousands of years to correct a child. I have actually had people come up to me and marvel how well behaved my children are. I joke and tell them they are afraid of getting beaten half to death so they know to behave.

When my #1 bit my #2, I picked #2 up and hurried away while saying...WE DO NOT PLAY WITH PEOPLE WHO BITE...and then ignored #1 for a good long time while having lots of fun with #2. Biting never happened again.

Ignoring your little kid while lavishing attention on your other little kid in my mind is more damaging than a simple swipe to the bottom. I’d rather get a swat to the bottom than to have a mother’s love withdrawn and given to my sibling. Jesus.