Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:but it feels stalkery.

Stop making up words. You sound like a 12 year old.

“Stalkery” is a word, it’s an adjective.

I bet you feel dumb, don’t you?

Anonymous wrote:but it feels stalkery.

Stop making up words. You sound like a 12 year old.

Anonymous wrote:Don’t talk about or wear anything that you care about around her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who seems to copy me a lot. If I buy a new pair of shoes or piece of clothing, she will ask me where I got them and then go buy them too. If I take up a new hobby, she will take it up too. If I go on vacation somewhere, she will soon go on vacation to the same place.

We are not close -- we're former colleagues and part of the same friend group. I always get along with her in person and she is a nice person. But the copying is starting to bug me. My BF says I should just take it as flattery, which I get, but it's started to make me feel self conscious and reluctant to share things because I feel like she's just looking for ideas. I'm also getting tired of always hearing "Oh yeah, Larla did/does that too!" or "Larla has that exact sweater!" when I'm talking to other people.

How do I deal with this? I have already really reduced my social media posting because I think she used to stalk it. But I still feel like she is kind of mimicking me all the time. I feel like the only thing I can do is just accept it, but in that case, how do I get it not to annoy me? I seem to be getting more annoyed with time, not less.

“Copying you” seems like a very juvenile way to phrase and interpret this. Most likely she’s just using you as a screener for things she would herself enjoy, an endorsement that cuts down her research work not bc she’s envious / wants to imitate or be you.

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who seems to copy me a lot. If I buy a new pair of shoes or piece of clothing, she will ask me where I got them and then go buy them too. If I take up a new hobby, she will take it up too. If I go on vacation somewhere, she will soon go on vacation to the same place.

We are not close -- we're former colleagues and part of the same friend group. I always get along with her in person and she is a nice person. But the copying is starting to bug me. My BF says I should just take it as flattery, which I get, but it's started to make me feel self conscious and reluctant to share things because I feel like she's just looking for ideas. I'm also getting tired of always hearing "Oh yeah, Larla did/does that too!" or "Larla has that exact sweater!" when I'm talking to other people.

How do I deal with this? I have already really reduced my social media posting because I think she used to stalk it. But I still feel like she is kind of mimicking me all the time. I feel like the only thing I can do is just accept it, but in that case, how do I get it not to annoy me? I seem to be getting more annoyed with time, not less.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're a teenager, right OP? I can't imagine a grown adult being this self-obsessed.

Oh, there are many people like OP out there!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would bug me. It’s like she’s eroding the uniqueness of your life by copying it. And she’s freeloading on your ideas. Don’t tell her where you bought stuff. How many times has she copied your vacation ideas?

Yes, that’s definitely possible. I feel like any time I go anywhere, she will go there within a year. Sometimes they are kind of trendy trips, like going to Iceland, and I feel like it’s not just about me. But like I’ve been doing an annual trip to the same not trendy place for years (since before I met her) and a few years ago she started doing it too. It was really weird because it’s a place I go because it’s near where I grew up. And now it’s like a thing I share with her (even though we don’t go together) but it I don’t feel like there’s any joy in sharing it. It feels like she is competitive about it, like when it comes up she’ll ask me stuff like “oh I discovered [x restaurant] there, you should try it” and I’m like “yes, I have been going to that restaurant for actual decades.” It feels very invasive even though I try to tell myself that it’s not like I own a vacation destination! But it was kind of my thing and now it’s less unique to me, and that does bother me, I have to admit.

Ohhhhh. I get you now OP.

You sound like a know it all narcissist. Nobody can tell you they like anything if you already had it before, and you have to be snarky about it. Really, chances are nobody can share any likes/dislikes with you, because you see everything as a power struggle, win/lose rather than a basic, low key convo.

Friend: You should try Le Pew Restaurant - we loved it

You: I already know that restaurant, been going for decades.

[Your thought = she can't tell ME anything, I know everything, I win this competition in my head that doesn't actually exist. . .]

Normal Person Alternative: Oh I LOVE that restaurant too, especially the pate.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would bug me. It’s like she’s eroding the uniqueness of your life by copying it. And she’s freeloading on your ideas. Don’t tell her where you bought stuff. How many times has she copied your vacation ideas?

Yes, that’s definitely possible. I feel like any time I go anywhere, she will go there within a year. Sometimes they are kind of trendy trips, like going to Iceland, and I feel like it’s not just about me. But like I’ve been doing an annual trip to the same not trendy place for years (since before I met her) and a few years ago she started doing it too. It was really weird because it’s a place I go because it’s near where I grew up. And now it’s like a thing I share with her (even though we don’t go together) but it I don’t feel like there’s any joy in sharing it. It feels like she is competitive about it, like when it comes up she’ll ask me stuff like “oh I discovered [x restaurant] there, you should try it” and I’m like “yes, I have been going to that restaurant for actual decades.” It feels very invasive even though I try to tell myself that it’s not like I own a vacation destination! But it was kind of my thing and now it’s less unique to me, and that does bother me, I have to admit.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does she do this with other people? That’s super weird. I like the thrift store idea. I agree you need to limit interaction as you can.

I do think she does it to other people. Recently I was out with another friend and mentioned an activity the copycat had suggested we all sign up for, and my friend said something like “Actually I suggested that because [her old roommate] works there, but whatever.” I think she has a tendency to pick up other people’s ideas but pass them off as her own. With social stuff this doesn’t really matter (if it’s fun who cares who came up with it) but I do think it’s annoying and feels not friendly.

If she copies other people besides you, she is not a copycat. She is just finding things she likes among her friends.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does she do this with other people? That’s super weird. I like the thrift store idea. I agree you need to limit interaction as you can.

I do think she does it to other people. Recently I was out with another friend and mentioned an activity the copycat had suggested we all sign up for, and my friend said something like “Actually I suggested that because [her old roommate] works there, but whatever.” I think she has a tendency to pick up other people’s ideas but pass them off as her own. With social stuff this doesn’t really matter (if it’s fun who cares who came up with it) but I do think it’s annoying and feels not friendly.