As a person descended from poor white trash who went to southern private schools for 16 years, both k-12 and college, I am an outside observer on the subject of southern rich people.

Some are casually racist, some are not. Usually the richer and more well educated they are, the less classist and racist they are (in my experience) and try to make everyone feel welcome.

The warnings:

If the family welcomes all family members, they will usually have a number of eccentric family members they are fine with. And gay uncle Larlo and his partner Miles, for example, will be invited and embraced at family events, even if they aren't completely out. See, at least partially: a famous politician from SC.

Not all rich southern families are casually racist, but again, those with less money and less education than others are more likely to be racist than the richer, more educated families.

Beware any rich southerners who are still South Baptist or evangelical--they are the most likely to be racist. Episcopalians and Presbyterians, less so.

If I were your DD, I would plan for a longer engagement--she will need it if planning a large wedding that includes the groom's whole family and their old friends.

The one thing I have seen trip up people who marry into rich "old" southern families are the expectations: she needs to figure out what expectations there may be before actually getting married.

Does his family expect them to go to the family vacation house every single year, no matter what?
Does his family expect the couple to live near them, no matter what?

Does his family expect her to dress and act a particular way? (for example, many of the wealthier southern women I know have a fairly strict unwritten dress code, unless they are considered "eccentric.") It's fine to be eccentric, but there will be pressure to conform, which may continue on if they family is really conservative.

Does his family expect women to stay home and not work after they have children? Do any of his female family members work after having children?

If his family is old southern money, they are used to getting what they want. Your dd needs to observe his family and especially the female relatives, to see if there are any expectations they might not be talking about, which they assume everyone knows about already.

I've known really welcoming, wonderful, generous "old money" southern families, and then I've known others that could have stepped out of a southern gothic novel from the 1950s.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I live in Atlanta. Moved from DC after grad school. The upper class Southerners are prim and proper to the point that it seems staged or fake imo. This is coming from an UMC woman btw, so these are the Southern version of my people so to speak.

The family I knew like this definitely had a very polished exterior that hid the unhappiness inside. They seemed like such a perfect family that everyone was surprised when they announced their divorce. (I'm not saying in any way that a happy front means an unhappy family inside, just that in a culture where image counts a lot, you'd have to know them very, very well to know if there were issues.)

I married into an upper-class Southern family but my own relatives are working-class Northerners. I’ve heard wayyyyyy more casual racism from my Northerner relatives than from my ILs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gucci is kind of tacky and Eurotrashy, no?

My DH is from a Virginia plantation family. We're one of the original families of this area. Their hobbies are Dog shows, horses, boats, that kind of thing.

Oh...and their other hobby is casual racism.

think of it as an homage to their history

Keep your racist BS to yourself.

How exactly do you think dynastic wealth centered around plantations was created?

Oh shut up. Accusing them of being racists without merit seems to be your typical agenda.

OP has already said they seem to be a very nice family, stop making things up.

People like this can think they are nice AND be racist. Has OP spent enough time with them to determine this?

How many upscale white southern families have non white people in their family/social circle?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the pp who mentioned my in-laws casual racism....They still use the term "colored." I can think of ONE time when they had black people over and they called us before to tell us that they were having black people over, and they should warn us...for what, I don't know.

obviously, it's so that you hide your valuables.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the one with the in laws and they have the upper class Southern accent. They like to make fun of the people from the more Appalachian part of the state (SW VA) and their accent.

They're not the only ones who do that.

but it's not classy.

Anonymous wrote:I am the pp who mentioned my in-laws casual racism....They still use the term "colored." I can think of ONE time when they had black people over and they called us before to tell us that they were having black people over, and they should warn us...for what, I don't know.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gucci is kind of tacky and Eurotrashy, no?

My DH is from a Virginia plantation family. We're one of the original families of this area. Their hobbies are Dog shows, horses, boats, that kind of thing.

Oh...and their other hobby is casual racism.

think of it as an homage to their history

+1 yea.. no thanks.

-signed a non white person

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds ... a bit like that anecdote about the perfect private school kids in the coffee shop ...

+1

Especially the bit about the Gucci loafers and Kelly bag.

I’m going to sell mine on TheRealReal right now because of this thread. Native Virginian.

Bump the price up 20% because these are the items from the FAMED DCUM thread, sold by a TRUE native Virginian. Don't forget to attach your DAR card with the photos as proof.

LOL. My cats scratched my DAR card and it’s barely legible. Damn.

So - does this mean a black card makes the value drop by 40% and immediately trigger an authentication inspection? LOL

Ah, that mean you've had yours for a VERY long time and it's been passed down generation to generation; it was one of the first DAR cards ever given out. That's an extra 10% added to the price right there.

That is good news because I felt like my kitties were starting to become a bit hostile around my discussion of the loss.

Lol how dare you have kitties. Everyone on DCUM knows fancy people like horses and dogs.

True. Which is funny because dog slobber and horse sweat are not fancy at all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds ... a bit like that anecdote about the perfect private school kids in the coffee shop ...

+1

Especially the bit about the Gucci loafers and Kelly bag.

I’m going to sell mine on TheRealReal right now because of this thread. Native Virginian.

Bump the price up 20% because these are the items from the FAMED DCUM thread, sold by a TRUE native Virginian. Don't forget to attach your DAR card with the photos as proof.

LOL. My cats scratched my DAR card and it’s barely legible. Damn.

So - does this mean a black card makes the value drop by 40% and immediately trigger an authentication inspection? LOL

Ah, that mean you've had yours for a VERY long time and it's been passed down generation to generation; it was one of the first DAR cards ever given out. That's an extra 10% added to the price right there.

That is good news because I felt like my kitties were starting to become a bit hostile around my discussion of the loss.

Lol how dare you have kitties. Everyone on DCUM knows fancy people like horses and dogs.

Oh my in laws gave me some paintings of the dogs they had, which were all prized hunting dogs and show dogs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds ... a bit like that anecdote about the perfect private school kids in the coffee shop ...

+1

Especially the bit about the Gucci loafers and Kelly bag.

I’m going to sell mine on TheRealReal right now because of this thread. Native Virginian.

Bump the price up 20% because these are the items from the FAMED DCUM thread, sold by a TRUE native Virginian. Don't forget to attach your DAR card with the photos as proof.

LOL. My cats scratched my DAR card and it’s barely legible. Damn.

So - does this mean a black card makes the value drop by 40% and immediately trigger an authentication inspection? LOL

Ah, that mean you've had yours for a VERY long time and it's been passed down generation to generation; it was one of the first DAR cards ever given out. That's an extra 10% added to the price right there.

That is good news because I felt like my kitties were starting to become a bit hostile around my discussion of the loss.

Anonymous wrote:I'm the one with the in laws and they have the upper class Southern accent. They like to make fun of the people from the more Appalachian part of the state (SW VA) and their accent.

They're not the only ones who do that.

I'm the one with the in laws and they have the upper class Southern accent. They like to make fun of the people from the more Appalachian part of the state (SW VA) and their accent.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds ... a bit like that anecdote about the perfect private school kids in the coffee shop ...

+1

Especially the bit about the Gucci loafers and Kelly bag.

I’m going to sell mine on TheRealReal right now because of this thread. Native Virginian.

Bump the price up 20% because these are the items from the FAMED DCUM thread, sold by a TRUE native Virginian. Don't forget to attach your DAR card with the photos as proof.

LOL. My cats scratched my DAR card and it’s barely legible. Damn.

So - does this mean a black card makes the value drop by 40% and immediately trigger an authentication inspection? LOL

But...are you related somehow to Robert E. Lee if you're a real Virginian? That's the real test, my friend.

I am. I just can’t find my great great great grandmas birth certificate. You suggesting the 2021 DAR cohort would reissue me a card despite if I show my ancestors birth certificate?

Gettouttaaheeere