Anonymous wrote:I normalize anticipatory anxiety and I remind him (my 14 yo son) of times when he’s been very anxious and resistant and he has tried and things turned out well and he liked it. This and a log of validation of his feelings without giving permission to not try. We also allow him to try it one day. He will sometimes say he will try it one day. If he doesn’t like one day he can stop. He has never not loved the one day. Comes home saying he loves whatever it was he was afraid of. Works for us so far. (I’m a psychotherapist by profession and he is still willing often). Thankfully. Good luck.

Me again. My son has anxiety and adhd. We talk about it ahead of time. Make a plan. Sometimes we do a cope ahead plan (how he would manage if the worst imagined catastrophe happens). It’s a DBT skill.

*lot....of validation

I normalize anticipatory anxiety and I remind him (my 14 yo son) of times when he’s been very anxious and resistant and he has tried and things turned out well and he liked it. This and a log of validation of his feelings without giving permission to not try. We also allow him to try it one day. He will sometimes say he will try it one day. If he doesn’t like one day he can stop. He has never not loved the one day. Comes home saying he loves whatever it was he was afraid of. Works for us so far. (I’m a psychotherapist by profession and he is still willing often). Thankfully. Good luck.

OP, I just read your son did not get out of the car and I'm really sorry. I would ask the coach to recommend a couple teammates who are friendly and influential and meet up 1:1 with those teammates ASAP. I would also try to set up meeting with other kids at that school 1:1 so that your child is more comfortable in the fall.

Everyone keeps talking about what's normal and not normal and I think it is perfectly normal to be socially anxious right now. Many adults are like this too!! It's been a long and scary pandemic and your son seems like a great kid who just needs a little support to get through this.

Think about the playdates you set up when your child was in kindergarten and strategize how you can make friend matches now.

Think of it as exposure therapy. Little by little reintroduce him to how to meet strangers who are peers.

My rising 9th grader did a similar tryout at the high school and was fine. She was nervous about making the team but she did not have any behavior that demonstrated it. OP, I think your son needs help. I am not trying to be insulting at all but just answering your original question. Good luck to him!

My child would be excited, like really excited and happy to be able to meet kids in a setting that's familiar with which is sports.

I think being anxious is actually the normal response.