My wedding cost a fortune - it wouldn’t have if it was just my preferences but DH family immigrated here with nothing other than a student visa and our wedding represented the culmination of everything they had worked for to his parents. They’d come here, worked hard, built community, thrived professionally, and now their only child was getting married. The wanted everyone there, wanted no expense spared on flowers and food to make an exceptional party etc. Sure it might have been a little of their showing off but I think more a giant celebration for them that all their difficult choices and hardships had been worth it.

So it can represent so many different things to different people. If they have the cash and want to do it a particular way, who cares. To them it’s clearly how they want to spend their money vs a waste (unless they don’t have the money but that’s a broader issue….)

Anonymous wrote:I had a city hall wedding and it was the worst day of my life. I wanted the big event with everyone I loved to celebrate and the photos of my wedding day for myself and future family/kids. Had daydreamed about it all my life. Husband insisted it was a waste and it broke my heart. I fell down crying when we left the building.

I hope you do something about it soon. My mom had this and she is still in regrets today at 65.

The saving grace of weddings is that most of the money spent is pumped into small businesses. The catering, venue, staff, flowers, coordinator and even the jewelry are usually small biz.

Anonymous wrote:I’m watching friends who had nice smaller covid weddings have vow renewals and expensive second weddings.

Why?

We have very few rites of passage and formal ceremonies in our culture anymore. It wedding is one of the remaining ones. Plus, it is a fund event and not depressing like a funeral.

Anonymous wrote:I’m watching friends who had nice smaller covid weddings have vow renewals and expensive second weddings.

Why?

You mean the $200k Indian weddings? Its ok because each of these guests give $500+ and it’s a fun get together.

I suspect gatherings the next couple years will be great since everyone was coupes up for 18 months due to govt shutdown.

Anonymous wrote:My DH and I had a very modest wedding and we were both fine with it. Both our daughters weddings were in the $75-100k range which is crazy but they were wonderful celebrations. My husband thought it was insane but we can afford it. Both my daughters and I loved all of the planning and the time we spent together.

We were going to do a small-ish wedding with budget in the 15k. But our in laws think it's not celebratory enough and sent us another 20k.

So yeah we went all out (in a relative sense).

My DH and I had a very modest wedding and we were both fine with it. Both our daughters weddings were in the $75-100k range which is crazy but they were wonderful celebrations. My husband thought it was insane but we can afford it. Both my daughters and I loved all of the planning and the time we spent together.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh I did. I wish I didn’t. I’m so embarrassed by it. But it’s over. My DH loved it. My parents loved it.

Define "big." I spent an average of maybe $50-$60k on each daughter's wedding. Is that considered big? It seemed like money well spent. They were happy.

That is INSANE. That is a HUGE wedding. Nuts. Just nuts.

I agree, unless this person is really well-off.

But hey, we all do weird things.

Yea, I'm pretty well off.

Anonymous wrote:Loved my wedding and regret nothing. Can’t wait to see my dd try on my wedding dress on my 10th anniversary this year!

Is she 11 years old??

Anonymous wrote:We had a $10k 80 person wedding. It was a fun party that nobody went in debt over. Was much more fun than some of the very expensive ones I've attended over the years.

Spend whatever you want, but don't be silly enough to take on debt to throw a party for others.

That's because it was YOUR wedding. Ask the bride and groom of the expensive ones if they think yours was more fun than theirs.

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people have these expensive weddings just to show off--even when they really can't afford it. Same goes for many luxury purchases.

+1

NVM having a "certain" house for when the IL's visit from South Asia!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had a $10k 80 person wedding. It was a fun party that nobody went in debt over. Was much more fun than some of the very expensive ones I've attended over the years.

Spend whatever you want, but don't be silly enough to take on debt to throw a party for others.

This, for sure. No one should ever go in debt for a wedding.

And money doesn't mean everything. I've been to $100k weddings that were ho-hum and $10k weddings that were a blast. Everything depends on the people and the "vibe."

+1

So true!

Because it’s their money, time and energy, to do with as they please.

Here’s one for ya: Why do people start threads about things that are literally none of their business, that they don’t need to concern themselves with?

We had about 100 people and spent about 5 grand 35 years ago.

It was a lovely afternoon wedding, all outdoors at an elegant home designed by a famous designer of the area. The ceremony was under a gazebo filled with balloons and all the tables had champagne buckets on them.

We had a dance floor, DJ and croquet set up. It was a great day of fun and really unusual at the time.

I had a city hall wedding and it was the worst day of my life. I wanted the big event with everyone I loved to celebrate and the photos of my wedding day for myself and future family/kids. Had daydreamed about it all my life. Husband insisted it was a waste and it broke my heart. I fell down crying when we left the building.