Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

No, if kids’ parents are able to pay for any additional pricey extra-curriculars, including additional sports coaching and music lessons on top of music lessons, it’s frowned upon, or should be. So, you desperately want your child to stand out amongst the rest, so you do whatever it takes to make that happen. As long as your child is the best, or one of best. Your kid is nothing special, as a matter of fact, if every child received equal hours of tutoring or coaching, your kid would be average at best. I think you’re too afraid to admit this to yourself.

Hmm... let me see if I understand this: are you saying no child should be given opportunities unless all children are given equal opportunities? Race to the bottom, right?

And moreover, are you saying that a parent who tries to give their child opportunities to better themselves is doing that not to in order to develop a kid's potential, but to stick it to other people?

You are doing it to stick it to other people, yes. Why is a full day of school for your average to above average child not enough? Why is an after school sports practice with the team not enough? Is 6 hours a day really not enough learning for your child? You are unintentionally, or intentionally, setting an unattainable standard for many of the other students whose parents cannot afford unnecessary tutoring. It’s unfair, can’t you see that? There are kids who actually need tutoring, they are barely scraping by, yet can’t afford a tutor. While your child, who does just fine on their own merits, needs a tutor to get further ahead, just because? It’s absurd.

Huh? Why should that even be a reason to forgo tutoring? I can’t give my kid tutoring bc another kid somewhere is struggling? This race to the bottom will get us nowhere. Sorry, life is cutthroat and never fair

Why not just homeschool your child if you feel the need to pay for unnecessary additional help? You realize that your child is unnaturally and unrealistically ahead of his/her peers? You don’t care though, as long as your kid is better.

Why would I homeschool? I have a job. Plus, the social aspect of school is a good thing. And yes, I’m trying to give my kids the best education possible with the resources that we have. Why should I hold my kids back just because other kids aren’t at the same level? It’s not my job to educate their classmates. I raise and educate my kids to the best of my abilities. And no, I don’t care what other parents are doing. Not my business. It’s so strange how concerned you are with how I spend my money, and on education no less.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

No, if kids’ parents are able to pay for any additional pricey extra-curriculars, including additional sports coaching and music lessons on top of music lessons, it’s frowned upon, or should be. So, you desperately want your child to stand out amongst the rest, so you do whatever it takes to make that happen. As long as your child is the best, or one of best. Your kid is nothing special, as a matter of fact, if every child received equal hours of tutoring or coaching, your kid would be average at best. I think you’re too afraid to admit this to yourself.

Hmm... let me see if I understand this: are you saying no child should be given opportunities unless all children are given equal opportunities? Race to the bottom, right?

And moreover, are you saying that a parent who tries to give their child opportunities to better themselves is doing that not to in order to develop a kid's potential, but to stick it to other people?

You are doing it to stick it to other people, yes. Why is a full day of school for your average to above average child not enough? Why is an after school sports practice with the team not enough? Is 6 hours a day really not enough learning for your child? You are unintentionally, or intentionally, setting an unattainable standard for many of the other students whose parents cannot afford unnecessary tutoring. It’s unfair, can’t you see that? There are kids who actually need tutoring, they are barely scraping by, yet can’t afford a tutor. While your child, who does just fine on their own merits, needs a tutor to get further ahead, just because? It’s absurd.

Do you always parent based on how other children might feel? I feel sorry for your kids.

Some of us have to work harder than others. Some of us are born with a silver spoon in our mouths; some of us are born pretty or athletic; some of us are born naturally smart.

Life is unfair. No one owes you anything.

-signed a child of poor immigrants who don't speak English.

I am unwilling to pay for additional unnecessary help for my kids. I am not wealthy so I’m unable to pay for unnecessary frivolities. If my child is a mediocre student or athlete, he will simply have to work harder if he wants to improve. Additionally, it’s fine to be mediocre and it’s fine to fail. My kids may be at a disadvantage in that I view life differently than many other parents. I feel much can be learned from working one’s way up and through difficulty. The results may take longer, it won’t be instant gratification, but the lessons learned will be invaluable.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

No, if kids’ parents are able to pay for any additional pricey extra-curriculars, including additional sports coaching and music lessons on top of music lessons, it’s frowned upon, or should be. So, you desperately want your child to stand out amongst the rest, so you do whatever it takes to make that happen. As long as your child is the best, or one of best. Your kid is nothing special, as a matter of fact, if every child received equal hours of tutoring or coaching, your kid would be average at best. I think you’re too afraid to admit this to yourself.

Hmm... let me see if I understand this: are you saying no child should be given opportunities unless all children are given equal opportunities? Race to the bottom, right?

And moreover, are you saying that a parent who tries to give their child opportunities to better themselves is doing that not to in order to develop a kid's potential, but to stick it to other people?

You are doing it to stick it to other people, yes. Why is a full day of school for your average to above average child not enough? Why is an after school sports practice with the team not enough? Is 6 hours a day really not enough learning for your child? You are unintentionally, or intentionally, setting an unattainable standard for many of the other students whose parents cannot afford unnecessary tutoring. It’s unfair, can’t you see that? There are kids who actually need tutoring, they are barely scraping by, yet can’t afford a tutor. While your child, who does just fine on their own merits, needs a tutor to get further ahead, just because? It’s absurd.

Do you always parent based on how other children might feel? I feel sorry for your kids.

Some of us have to work harder than others. Some of us are born with a silver spoon in our mouths; some of us are born pretty or athletic; some of us are born naturally smart.

Life is unfair. No one owes you anything.

-signed a child of poor immigrants who don't speak English.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

No, if kids’ parents are able to pay for any additional pricey extra-curriculars, including additional sports coaching and music lessons on top of music lessons, it’s frowned upon, or should be. So, you desperately want your child to stand out amongst the rest, so you do whatever it takes to make that happen. As long as your child is the best, or one of best. Your kid is nothing special, as a matter of fact, if every child received equal hours of tutoring or coaching, your kid would be average at best. I think you’re too afraid to admit this to yourself.

Hmm... let me see if I understand this: are you saying no child should be given opportunities unless all children are given equal opportunities? Race to the bottom, right?

And moreover, are you saying that a parent who tries to give their child opportunities to better themselves is doing that not to in order to develop a kid's potential, but to stick it to other people?

You are doing it to stick it to other people, yes. Why is a full day of school for your average to above average child not enough? Why is an after school sports practice with the team not enough? Is 6 hours a day really not enough learning for your child? You are unintentionally, or intentionally, setting an unattainable standard for many of the other students whose parents cannot afford unnecessary tutoring. It’s unfair, can’t you see that? There are kids who actually need tutoring, they are barely scraping by, yet can’t afford a tutor. While your child, who does just fine on their own merits, needs a tutor to get further ahead, just because? It’s absurd.

Huh? Why should that even be a reason to forgo tutoring? I can’t give my kid tutoring bc another kid somewhere is struggling? This race to the bottom will get us nowhere. Sorry, life is cutthroat and never fair

Why not just homeschool your child if you feel the need to pay for unnecessary additional help? You realize that your child is unnaturally and unrealistically ahead of his/her peers? You don’t care though, as long as your kid is better.

If they homeschooled they wouldn’t look as good. No one would see how far ahead they were of everyone else, no one would care. It’s all about being ahead and looking good. Homeschooling is too solitary, less students playing the stupid game.

If true, this would be really sad... Fortunately, it's not and you're just jealous You're the one who's comparing kids

It is true for many people. I have experienced it firsthand. I am not jealous so much as annoyed and disgusted at the current education climate.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DCs don’t have tutors (in 4th grade it’s a waste of money). But they learn the material before it’s taught in class. I had an Asian student in my HS who aced every single math test, and one day I noticed he had completed all the practice questions in the new unit we were starting. He told me he always did the whole chapter prior to class so that it was essentially review and practice (and he could ask questions if he didn’t understand something). I thought this was brilliant and honestly can’t believe no one else does this. Apparently, this is much more common in other cultures (learning the work before it is taught in class). I do it with my kids now and it is a much more effective way of learning.

Indeed, why bother with the teacher at all? She sounds superfluous.

sometimes I would agree. But the teachers are needed to hand out the materials and test the kids. I don't want to homeschool my kid.

DC is in a HS magnet. DC said DC mostly learned from the videos, presos that the teacher posted, and sometimes on Khan academy for math. DC hardly listened to the teachers drone on in zoom class. DC is a straight A student.

DC and the friends also self studied for AP exams though the materials were provided by the teachers. No tutoring.

When DC was in middle school, DC would do something similar to what ^^PP posted about the kid learning ahead. DC would do the same but mainly because DC was bored in class so DC would look ahead.

DC has never had a tutor.

I don't understand your snark here. Would you say the same thing about a kid who tried to play some music piece that the teacher hadn't covered? I bet you would be impressed by it.

But when it comes to academics, the learning ahead seems to trigger some people.

It’s not only academics, as you suggest. Fine, if a kid adores math so much that he wants to go ahead in the book, fine, good. If your child loves reading mundane stories in the reading book provided, again, great. The issue is with the hiring of extra unnecessary help for the kids. As they say, you get what you pay for. If you pay for a tutor, even though your child is average and not struggling, you are guaranteed to see improvement. Your average kid will become above average. Miraculous :/ That can be said for anything, academics, sports, music, whatever.

^PP here

who are you to say what's necessary or unnecessary for that kid?

You say "that can be said for anything", but I never ever hear people complaining about kids who hire private coaches for sports or tutors for music lessons.

If you want to be the best soccer player, you practice extra and maybe hire a private coach to help you. You are deemed "dedicated" to your sport.

But if you want to be the top in your class and you study extra, maybe hire a tutor to help you achieve this, then it's bad.

Sorry, I don't get the distinction.


I have a friend whose kid wanted to get better at soccer. So, a private instructor worked with him on some skill. My kid was in the same soccer team as this kid, and my kid is not a good player. I realized that if my kid wanted to be better, he was going to also need a private instructor. But that wasn't important to him or to me. So we didn't do it.

It's not that important to me or my kid for them to superstars, whether in academics or sports. So, we don't do those extra things even as DC is in a magnet. But, as a parent, if I felt that this was important, then I'd probably would do it.

I used to be like OP and scoff at people who put their kids in after school tutoring/prep classes. Then I realized that really, this is no different than the soccer situation. I don't judge my friend or his kid for hiring a private instructor, and I wouldn't judge others for putting their kids in a prep class.

I think people like OP feel that their kids won't be able to keep up, and they don't want to put extra time/effort.

But, as they say... you parent your kid; I'll parent mine.

Anonymous wrote:My DCs don’t have tutors (in 4th grade it’s a waste of money). But they learn the material before it’s taught in class. I had an Asian student in my HS who aced every single math test, and one day I noticed he had completed all the practice questions in the new unit we were starting. He told me he always did the whole chapter prior to class so that it was essentially review and practice (and he could ask questions if he didn’t understand something). I thought this was brilliant and honestly can’t believe no one else does this. Apparently, this is much more common in other cultures (learning the work before it is taught in class). I do it with my kids now and it is a much more effective way of learning.

I went to high school with many Asian kids and I realized what a leg up it gives you to preview the material. We ate a Latino family and now do it with our kids. It gives them confidence as they are seen by their teachers and other students as being smart and good students. I don’t worry if they have a year where they don’t learn much at school like when a teacher goes out on maternity leave and there is a sub in math for months. My 8th grader has already started studying for algebra 2 for next year.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

No, if kids’ parents are able to pay for any additional pricey extra-curriculars, including additional sports coaching and music lessons on top of music lessons, it’s frowned upon, or should be. So, you desperately want your child to stand out amongst the rest, so you do whatever it takes to make that happen. As long as your child is the best, or one of best. Your kid is nothing special, as a matter of fact, if every child received equal hours of tutoring or coaching, your kid would be average at best. I think you’re too afraid to admit this to yourself.

Hmm... let me see if I understand this: are you saying no child should be given opportunities unless all children are given equal opportunities? Race to the bottom, right?

And moreover, are you saying that a parent who tries to give their child opportunities to better themselves is doing that not to in order to develop a kid's potential, but to stick it to other people?

You are doing it to stick it to other people, yes. Why is a full day of school for your average to above average child not enough? Why is an after school sports practice with the team not enough? Is 6 hours a day really not enough learning for your child? You are unintentionally, or intentionally, setting an unattainable standard for many of the other students whose parents cannot afford unnecessary tutoring. It’s unfair, can’t you see that? There are kids who actually need tutoring, they are barely scraping by, yet can’t afford a tutor. While your child, who does just fine on their own merits, needs a tutor to get further ahead, just because? It’s absurd.

Huh? Why should that even be a reason to forgo tutoring? I can’t give my kid tutoring bc another kid somewhere is struggling? This race to the bottom will get us nowhere. Sorry, life is cutthroat and never fair

Why not just homeschool your child if you feel the need to pay for unnecessary additional help? You realize that your child is unnaturally and unrealistically ahead of his/her peers? You don’t care though, as long as your kid is better.

If they homeschooled they wouldn’t look as good. No one would see how far ahead they were of everyone else, no one would care. It’s all about being ahead and looking good. Homeschooling is too solitary, less students playing the stupid game.

If true, this would be really sad... Fortunately, it's not and you're just jealous You're the one who's comparing kids

Anonymous wrote:DS is allowed to choose his activities. He does have to do one activity that requires movement 2-3 times a week. He chooses Cub Scouts, STEM Scouts, and baseball/soccer/basketball. He is allowed to choose from the list of extra school activities that the school sends home three times a year. He chooses coding, robotics, art, chess and the like. Why? Because he likes those activities. He doesn’t have to choose anything. He could choose to do no after school activities and that would be fine.

Does it make me happy that he enjoys STEM and chooses those activities? Yes. I love seeing him excited about something that exercises his brain and could be useful as an adult. That is why I like that he chooses sports that he enjoys, I hope that he will play them as an adult. They are good for socializing and staying in shape. Maybe he will meet his spouse playing a sport like his Dad and I did. I love that he enjoys Scouting, we hike and camp as a family so his enjoying a group that encourages hiking and camping and finding like minded families is great.

He also takes a 2 hour long math class on the weekends. He enjoys it and it challenges him. We enrolled him in the class after watching math this past year and looking at the math he was bringing home from school for the last 3 years. The math they are doing in school is easy for him. It was easy for him before we started the extra math classes. We want him to be challenged so we enrolled him in a math program that would challenge him. I was surprised to see how much he liked it. We also missed classes when other events were happening, like Scouting camping or fishing or a vacation.

We could have moved him to a Center school but we like the language immersion program he is in, it provides a different type of challenge.

I could care less how he is doing compared to your kid, I want him to be happy and grow into his potential. If he tells us he wants to drop out of Scouts or not do extra activities after school then fine. I am not going to stop him from doing things that he likes because other parents are worried that I am giving him an advantage or because other kids do not have the same options. My job is to parent my kid and help him grow.

This! My God, how could one possibly object to this??

DS is allowed to choose his activities. He does have to do one activity that requires movement 2-3 times a week. He chooses Cub Scouts, STEM Scouts, and baseball/soccer/basketball. He is allowed to choose from the list of extra school activities that the school sends home three times a year. He chooses coding, robotics, art, chess and the like. Why? Because he likes those activities. He doesn’t have to choose anything. He could choose to do no after school activities and that would be fine.

Does it make me happy that he enjoys STEM and chooses those activities? Yes. I love seeing him excited about something that exercises his brain and could be useful as an adult. That is why I like that he chooses sports that he enjoys, I hope that he will play them as an adult. They are good for socializing and staying in shape. Maybe he will meet his spouse playing a sport like his Dad and I did. I love that he enjoys Scouting, we hike and camp as a family so his enjoying a group that encourages hiking and camping and finding like minded families is great.

He also takes a 2 hour long math class on the weekends. He enjoys it and it challenges him. We enrolled him in the class after watching math this past year and looking at the math he was bringing home from school for the last 3 years. The math they are doing in school is easy for him. It was easy for him before we started the extra math classes. We want him to be challenged so we enrolled him in a math program that would challenge him. I was surprised to see how much he liked it. We also missed classes when other events were happening, like Scouting camping or fishing or a vacation.

We could have moved him to a Center school but we like the language immersion program he is in, it provides a different type of challenge.

I could careless how he is doing compared to your kid, I want him to be happy and grow into his potential. If he tells us he wants to drop out of Scouts or not do extra activities after school then fine. I am not going to stop him from doing things that he likes because other parents are worried that I am giving him an advantage or because other kids do not have the same options. My job is to parent my kid and help him grow.

Anonymous wrote:My DC is in 4th grade in a gifted class. I was surprised to find out out that most kids in her class have tutors and do extra math or writing despite doing well. My daughter is doing fine, but sometimes feels insecure about her abilities because many of her classmates already know the material before it is taught. I can't help being annoyed with all these parents giving their children extra work to give them a leg up and I don't understand why you would hire a tutor if your child is doing fine. Maybe I am missing something. Can anyone explain to me why you would do this?

Because they are probably not doing fine, probably don't belong in those classes, and the parents know it, OP. Parents tend to think their kids are smarter than they really are, because they are narcissistic and everything is personal.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

No, if kids’ parents are able to pay for any additional pricey extra-curriculars, including additional sports coaching and music lessons on top of music lessons, it’s frowned upon, or should be. So, you desperately want your child to stand out amongst the rest, so you do whatever it takes to make that happen. As long as your child is the best, or one of best. Your kid is nothing special, as a matter of fact, if every child received equal hours of tutoring or coaching, your kid would be average at best. I think you’re too afraid to admit this to yourself.

Hmm... let me see if I understand this: are you saying no child should be given opportunities unless all children are given equal opportunities? Race to the bottom, right?

And moreover, are you saying that a parent who tries to give their child opportunities to better themselves is doing that not to in order to develop a kid's potential, but to stick it to other people?

You are doing it to stick it to other people, yes. Why is a full day of school for your average to above average child not enough? Why is an after school sports practice with the team not enough? Is 6 hours a day really not enough learning for your child? You are unintentionally, or intentionally, setting an unattainable standard for many of the other students whose parents cannot afford unnecessary tutoring. It’s unfair, can’t you see that? There are kids who actually need tutoring, they are barely scraping by, yet can’t afford a tutor. While your child, who does just fine on their own merits, needs a tutor to get further ahead, just because? It’s absurd.

Huh? Why should that even be a reason to forgo tutoring? I can’t give my kid tutoring bc another kid somewhere is struggling? This race to the bottom will get us nowhere. Sorry, life is cutthroat and never fair

Why not just homeschool your child if you feel the need to pay for unnecessary additional help? You realize that your child is unnaturally and unrealistically ahead of his/her peers? You don’t care though, as long as your kid is better.

If they homeschooled they wouldn’t look as good. No one would see how far ahead they were of everyone else, no one would care. It’s all about being ahead and looking good. Homeschooling is too solitary, less students playing the stupid game.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

No, if kids’ parents are able to pay for any additional pricey extra-curriculars, including additional sports coaching and music lessons on top of music lessons, it’s frowned upon, or should be. So, you desperately want your child to stand out amongst the rest, so you do whatever it takes to make that happen. As long as your child is the best, or one of best. Your kid is nothing special, as a matter of fact, if every child received equal hours of tutoring or coaching, your kid would be average at best. I think you’re too afraid to admit this to yourself.

Hmm... let me see if I understand this: are you saying no child should be given opportunities unless all children are given equal opportunities? Race to the bottom, right?

And moreover, are you saying that a parent who tries to give their child opportunities to better themselves is doing that not to in order to develop a kid's potential, but to stick it to other people?

You are doing it to stick it to other people, yes. Why is a full day of school for your average to above average child not enough? Why is an after school sports practice with the team not enough? Is 6 hours a day really not enough learning for your child? You are unintentionally, or intentionally, setting an unattainable standard for many of the other students whose parents cannot afford unnecessary tutoring. It’s unfair, can’t you see that? There are kids who actually need tutoring, they are barely scraping by, yet can’t afford a tutor. While your child, who does just fine on their own merits, needs a tutor to get further ahead, just because? It’s absurd.

Huh? Why should that even be a reason to forgo tutoring? I can’t give my kid tutoring bc another kid somewhere is struggling? This race to the bottom will get us nowhere. Sorry, life is cutthroat and never fair

Why not just homeschool your child if you feel the need to pay for unnecessary additional help? You realize that your child is unnaturally and unrealistically ahead of his/her peers? You don’t care though, as long as your kid is better.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
It’s not only academics, as you suggest. Fine, if a kid adores math so much that he wants to go ahead in the book, fine, good. If your child loves reading mundane stories in the reading book provided, again, great. The issue is with the hiring of extra unnecessary help for the kids. As they say, you get what you pay for. If you pay for a tutor, even though your child is average and not struggling, you are guaranteed to see improvement. Your average kid will become above average. Miraculous :/ That can be said for anything, academics, sports, music, whatever.

To me this just means these kids, all of them, have a whole lot of untapped potential. Why aren't we talking about how to tap into that? Why isn't the discussion: hey, extra tutoring helps even mediocre kids get better, so seems like the schools should be improving their curriculum

It seems people on this board have a very uninformed and myopic view of education in the US. Prior to maybe 2000? many school systems provided an adequate education for most. Parents had very minimal, if any, involvement in the school curriculum. Now, every parent seems to believe his or her child is superior and deserving of any and every opportunity to outshine everyone else. They denigrate the school systems and criticize many of the teachers. I think its a bad combination of a deteriorating education system and overzealous competitive parents who live vicariously through their children.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

No, if kids’ parents are able to pay for any additional pricey extra-curriculars, including additional sports coaching and music lessons on top of music lessons, it’s frowned upon, or should be. So, you desperately want your child to stand out amongst the rest, so you do whatever it takes to make that happen. As long as your child is the best, or one of best. Your kid is nothing special, as a matter of fact, if every child received equal hours of tutoring or coaching, your kid would be average at best. I think you’re too afraid to admit this to yourself.

Hmm... let me see if I understand this: are you saying no child should be given opportunities unless all children are given equal opportunities? Race to the bottom, right?

And moreover, are you saying that a parent who tries to give their child opportunities to better themselves is doing that not to in order to develop a kid's potential, but to stick it to other people?

You are doing it to stick it to other people, yes. Why is a full day of school for your average to above average child not enough? Why is an after school sports practice with the team not enough? Is 6 hours a day really not enough learning for your child? You are unintentionally, or intentionally, setting an unattainable standard for many of the other students whose parents cannot afford unnecessary tutoring. It’s unfair, can’t you see that? There are kids who actually need tutoring, they are barely scraping by, yet can’t afford a tutor. While your child, who does just fine on their own merits, needs a tutor to get further ahead, just because? It’s absurd.

Huh? Why should that even be a reason to forgo tutoring? I can’t give my kid tutoring bc another kid somewhere is struggling? This race to the bottom will get us nowhere. Sorry, life is cutthroat and never fair

There are enrichment classes and extracurricular like coding, chess, debate arts music etc not much of tutoring that I know of ..

- Mom of 2 DC in MS/HS magnet