Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m usually a very secure person. My MIL and my friends are amazing. My MIL wanted to gift us a postpartum doula but she wasn’t sure how I would feel about it. My family on the other hand is super judge mental. My mom raised 6 kids and “ did it all by herself”. My sister wouldn’t hire help because she said it’s for “ lazy moms who don’t want to raise their kids. We looked the Snoo thing and my sister said it was for lazy parents. I don’t want to hear any comments from them if I hire childcare.

The Snoo is awesome! But also you’d still need help. Your family sucks.

Anonymous wrote:I had night care nannies (plural, they were a team) from 10PM to 6AM every night for nearly four months. In the beginning, they’d bring the baby to me to nurse several times a night and then they’d burp and resettle him while I went back to sleep. After about a month, I was pumping enough for the nannies to give him pumped bottles and I was getting a solid 8 hours every single night.

I felt great, enjoyed my baby all day long. I couldn’t possibly care if anyone judged me for it. It made me a better mother and better person.

I always thought that if only I could have gotten some sleep and not been caring for my baby 24/7, then I may have been able to enjoy it. Instead I had zero help and was absolutely miserable up until my kids were at least 10 months old or so.

We were never meant to do it alone. It’s only in recent human history that mothers were expected to do it all by themselves.

In many many cultures worldwide it is uncommon for a mom to take care of a newborn herself. And in a vast majority of the world through history this has been the case for centuries. People lived together across generations and everybody helped with the newborn. A mother is not supposed to be taking care of a newborn herself.

OP here. I’m usually a very secure person. My MIL and my friends are amazing. My MIL wanted to gift us a postpartum doula but she wasn’t sure how I would feel about it. My family on the other hand is super judge mental. My mom raised 6 kids and “ did it all by herself”. My sister wouldn’t hire help because she said it’s for “ lazy moms who don’t want to raise their kids. We looked the Snoo thing and my sister said it was for lazy parents. I don’t want to hear any comments from them if I hire childcare.

Anonymous wrote:Don’t tell them. How else would they know?

People love to talk to new moms about how exhausted they must be and how difficult it is to care for a baby. OP will be in many conversations where she would either have to tell people she has two nannies or she'd need to lie (at least by omission). There's really no way a new mom could hide this from friends and family.

So, this is not a solution.

The only solution is you need to suck it up and get over your worries.

I had night care nannies (plural, they were a team) from 10PM to 6AM every night for nearly four months. In the beginning, they’d bring the baby to me to nurse several times a night and then they’d burp and resettle him while I went back to sleep. After about a month, I was pumping enough for the nannies to give him pumped bottles and I was getting a solid 8 hours every single night.

I felt great, enjoyed my baby all day long. I couldn’t possibly care if anyone judged me for it. It made me a better mother and better person.

My kids are older, but I always think of my housekeeper and PT nanny as doing my husband’s share of the household chores and childcare.

You didn’t say anything, but I am going to guess that if your DH picked up 1/2 of the night feedings, was home by 5pm on every day, and had every weekend off, you probably would need additional help.
But as it is, he isn’t home and is out making money. So, you might as well use some of that income to give yourself a break.

You can afford this level of help for one baby and you are whining about someone (potentially) judging you? Get over yourself.

Why do you need to tell a lot of ppl you have all this paid childcare anyway?

Anonymous wrote:Go to therapy. You cannot parent well when you are this worried about what other people think.

+1

BINGO. At any age/stage.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m considering hiring a night nanny and a PT nanny. I have one newborn child. I could use the help but I’m nervous about people judging me for hiring help. I don’t want to my friends/family to silently judge me and think I’m a bad mom. Any tips and advice to get over it or not let nay judgement bother me?

I won't be silent as I judge you as lazy and selfish, which you are. It is your responsibility as a parent to take care of your children. You owe this to them!

I don’t get this attitude. First of all when a woman has a newborn is t she recovering from the birth? Why do we expect someone whose recovering from birth to take care of a baby twenty four seven?

Seriously. So many women are fortunate enough to have a family member like their mom come help. If a new mom doesn’t have family to help, what’s wrong with hiring for it?

This is total BS!!!! Your baby is MUCH better off with a nanny than with a tired, depressed, recovering mother!!!! Don’t listen to this OP... they are just bitter, poor and jealous

Anonymous wrote:I’m not being rude but why do you need a night nanny and day nanny for one newborn? That seems like a lot of help and little time you’re spending with your baby. That time goes by so fast. I would do one or the other. Cherish this time.

It makes zero difference if OP, her husband, relative or a nanny is taking care of the baby. As long as someone is meeting his/her needs. Stop with your judging!!!!

OP,

Anyone that would say something like this is just jealous and unhappy. Get all the help you can reasonably afford and NEVER look back! None has to know about the night nanny and so many moms have a Pt or full time nanny. It does nit say anything about you being a bad mom, but it is obvious you have money...

Lol I have no help, no family nearby, and can't afford one nanny, much less two. I don't judge women who hire help, I am jealous of them. And I wouldn't be mean to you about it at all (do whatever you need! babies are hard), but the people who do "judge" you are probably like me and just jealous they can't do the same.

I would have killed for a PT nanny when I was home with my baby. That would have been heaven. Better than a helpful* husband or a helpful* mother or MIL, in my opinion. Enjoy!

Lots of people don’t fully disclose the Help they receive. I’ve noticed this is especially true of women who get help from their own mothers. My friends will be so quick to say they’ve never had help when their mom lives less than 10 minutes away and is helping in some capacity on a daily basis. My mother has never met my children so I’m always super aware of how quickly my friends discount the help they get from their moms.

The point is-you do WHATEVER you can afford and that works for your family. There’s a reason most rich people have night nannies. If I won the lotto, I would have at least 2 full time nannies on staff.

Yes. I will judge you. But why do you care what random people think? You do you. You shouldn’t care and you do what you want.

Go to therapy. You cannot parent well when you are this worried about what other people think.