Who are these people asking you what you received for Mother’s Day? And, you actually make something up?

Anonymous wrote:Dh also asks me what I want. I wish he would think of something himself just to show he's thinking about it.

Even if it's my favorite pastry for breakfast and flowers, even if the activity for the day is my favorite hike. I wish he would just say "good morning, come downstairs for the good croissants and flowers on the table. We're going to that waterfall today!" on his own without me having to lay it all out. And without me having to pack the kids lunches and snacks for the hike.

And yes, I've explained this to him and given him ideas but then he doesn't follow through.

This this this. If I have to spell it all out and say exactly what I want (repeatedly) it doesn’t feel thoughtful on his part anyway.

I’ve been married 17 years and I tried for a long time. I’ve since given up. He’s a good partner and it just wasn’t worth the fights over my disappointment. Here is where we landed: I buy myself a splurge item or two (like shoes or certain clothing items that I’d normally deem “too expensive” to buy for no reason. And he also knows that I’m not cooking or touching a single dirty dish the entire day. And that’s it.

I also don’t do much for Father’s Day in return. He gets a card and a new shirt or something. He could buy himself a nice gift like I do for myself but he doesn’t. He usually ends up grilling out for his own parents for Father’s Day but that’s his choice. In his defense he doesn’t complain or seem bothered by it.

Oh well.

I’d like to skip it too. Instead I am doing the bare minimum and ordering pizzas for my mother and MIL at my house. Actually, I don’t know if my MIL knows about it as DH was supposed to tell her. DH might have the kids make me some crap homemade cards which I will stuff into a drawer. The only shot I have of getting an actual gift is from my mother and/or MIL.

It’s fine—I bought myself a purse a few weeks ago but grocery store flowers would be better than hand drawn cards that they put all of 10 seconds into. But it’s my excuse to do nada for Father’s Day.

I don't mind it, but it is definitely not "for me" now that I'm a mother. It's nice, but not a "special treat for me" to have to get the baby dressed up and to brunch with my parents and my husband. And if my husband gets up early with the baby on this ONE DAY when he sleeps in every other day, I might punch him in the face.

I hate it too.

I am with you too. There is nothing I like about it. For my first several years of Mother’s Day, my MIL would always make plans without asking anyone else what they wanted to do. The day was all about her, not the women actively raising small children. Now, MIL has moved to another state and my mom moved near us and she does the same thing (although her choices are more in line with what I’d choose and if they’re not, she’s open to other ideas whereas MIL refuses to take input). It’s not my idea of a nice, relaxing day to get dressed up, get my kids dressed up (because DH is not capable) and go sit through a long, prix fixe brunch that takes half the day while my kids are squirming.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op - what do your kids do for you?

My kids are 5/3/1. The 5 year old will show up with some art or dandelions she picked and it will likely be the one nice part of the day. I hope to not put this pressure on them ever

PP with the DH who is bad at gift giving yet good at everything else. My kids are young adults who earn their own money. I am hurt that they either don’t give me anything or buy some afterthought thing from CVS. I put a lot of thought to gifts for everyone in my family. It’s not the monetary cost. Even a nice card would be appreciated. After years of being made to feel like I ruined the holiday and everyone on eggshells around me, I just stay out of the way and smile on the outside while I’m hurting inside. DH usually gets take out or maybe restaurant this year because we’re all vaccinated and I try to be thankful for that and count my blessings. Monday can’t come soon enough because it takes the spotlight off of me to enjoy something I hate.

If people feel like they have to walk on eggshells around you- then you are most likely the problem.

Dh also asks me what I want. I wish he would think of something himself just to show he's thinking about it.

Even if it's my favorite pastry for breakfast and flowers, even if the activity for the day is my favorite hike. I wish he would just say "good morning, come downstairs for the good croissants and flowers on the table. We're going to that waterfall today!" on his own without me having to lay it all out. And without me having to pack the kids lunches and snacks for the hike.

And yes, I've explained this to him and given him ideas but then he doesn't follow through.

I enjoy it. When my mom was alive I would call to wish her happy Mother’s Day, and we’d have a nice chat while drinking our coffees. We stop by the in-laws to give MIL a card for the kids and flowers or cookies, and talk for a bit. She always sends me those Jacquie Lawson cards. We usually bring in bagels and get dinner delivered, which is a big treat for me since I do all the cooking in our family. I also get to spend the rest of the day how I like, meaning hours of uninterrupted reading, and the freedom to opt out of watching a movie after dinner with no guilt trips.

Anonymous wrote:OP, just go out to dinner with the family Saturday lunch or dinner at a restaurant of your choosing to celebrate a day early so you beat the crowd. Then just enjoy your time together with your husband and kids. Whatever Sunday brings, it brings. You’ll have already celebrated so the pressure is off.

Send all people on your list flowers. It’s traditional and appropriate but requires no thought or time. As long as you don’t go dirt cheap, no one can complain about it.

"All people on your list?" She only has one mother.

I’m a PP and don’t understand why it’s hard when people ask about your Mother’s Day or what you did. I always respond it is a regular day and I spent it on some turf field watching a game, same as every Sunday. We don’t do anything special for Father’s Day either. Gifts? That doesn’t happen for either of us.

My sister just sent a text and we may send our mother an edible arrangement. Fine and done. Neither of us are local. DH won’t do anything for his mother. Same as every year.

OP, just go out to dinner with the family Saturday lunch or dinner at a restaurant of your choosing to celebrate a day early so you beat the crowd. Then just enjoy your time together with your husband and kids. Whatever Sunday brings, it brings. You’ll have already celebrated so the pressure is off.

Send all people on your list flowers. It’s traditional and appropriate but requires no thought or time. As long as you don’t go dirt cheap, no one can complain about it.

It's not obligatory. We don't do anything for mother's day. I don't expect my husband or young kids to do anything (other than whatever craft they do at school, which I admire and then throw in the trash). I text my mom and MIL.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op - what do your kids do for you?

My kids are 5/3/1. The 5 year old will show up with some art or dandelions she picked and it will likely be the one nice part of the day. I hope to not put this pressure on them ever

PP with the DH who is bad at gift giving yet good at everything else. My kids are young adults who earn their own money. I am hurt that they either don’t give me anything or buy some afterthought thing from CVS. I put a lot of thought to gifts for everyone in my family. It’s not the monetary cost. Even a nice card would be appreciated. After years of being made to feel like I ruined the holiday and everyone on eggshells around me, I just stay out of the way and smile on the outside while I’m hurting inside. DH usually gets take out or maybe restaurant this year because we’re all vaccinated and I try to be thankful for that and count my blessings. Monday can’t come soon enough because it takes the spotlight off of me to enjoy something I hate.

So you get a takeout dinner and a few cards/trinkets from CVS, and that's not good enough? What do you want? ASK DIRECTLY. Tell DH you want Venus et Fleur roses, or a specific perfume, or a massage gift card or whatever.

Anonymous wrote:To me, it’s just another day with the notable and ironic exception that my husband is like, “just relax today! It’s Mother’s Day, don’t run an errand or clean the bathrooms!!!11” So then my chores schedule gets completely off track and it takes me all week to catch up. Note, does he clean the bathrooms or do my Target run, no he does not.

Then stop whining and tell him, directly: "If you want me to have a relaxing Mother's Day, you are going to have to do a few chores next weekend, or I'll get stressed out and behind. I'd like you to clean the master bathroom and do two loads of laundry. Otherwise, telling me to relax is hollow and annoying."

You ninnies, I swear. Open your mouth and use your words.