Anonymous wrote:I have some childless friends. By mid 40s they come off as self-absorbed drama queens-especially the single ones. When they offer parenting advice to anyone I roll my eyes. Their life is bizarre to me. I literally wonder what they do with all that bandwidth.

OP here. Would like to clarify that those who choose not to have children identify as “childfree,” not childless. I’m not sure if that term is actually used- perhaps for those trying, but who currently do not have children? I’m not sure.

I have really appreciated this thread and I think it offers a lot of great advice about how to approach relationships. I do like kids a lot (work in a secondary school) but I have no interest in offering parenting advice, and will be sure not to do that with my parent friends moving forward. I just want to preserve strong friendships (with and without their kids present!) with the understanding there will be changes over time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have some childless friends. By mid 40s they come off as self-absorbed drama queens-especially the single ones. When they offer parenting advice to anyone I roll my eyes. Their life is bizarre to me. I literally wonder what they do with all that bandwidth.

I’m childless. The only people I’ve ever heard give unsolicited parenting advice is other moms. In fact, moms give unsolicited advice about everything. I’m married but child free, and I don’t like when people give me unsolicited advice on any topic. But guess what? People do. Yet everyone on here acts like it’s child free women who do it. The people who seem to comment the most about my life choices are people with kids. They also seem to be the most judgmental about other people’s choices.

I get a ton of unsolicited advice from moms to settle down with one of their husbands' fat friends. Misery wants company.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have some childless friends. By mid 40s they come off as self-absorbed drama queens-especially the single ones. When they offer parenting advice to anyone I roll my eyes. Their life is bizarre to me. I literally wonder what they do with all that bandwidth.

You sound lovely.

Imagine being this woman's "friend". Single and childless (quite likely not by choice) in your is mid forties and your mom friend thinks you're an incomprehensible weirdo just because your life has taken a different path.

Anonymous wrote:I have some childless friends. By mid 40s they come off as self-absorbed drama queens-especially the single ones. When they offer parenting advice to anyone I roll my eyes. Their life is bizarre to me. I literally wonder what they do with all that bandwidth.

I’m childless. The only people I’ve ever heard give unsolicited parenting advice is other moms. In fact, moms give unsolicited advice about everything. I’m married but child free, and I don’t like when people give me unsolicited advice on any topic. But guess what? People do. Yet everyone on here acts like it’s child free women who do it. The people who seem to comment the most about my life choices are people with kids. They also seem to be the most judgmental about other people’s choices.

I have two kids abs love my child free friends!!! They are the ones I can (in non covid times) text and say "I need to escape from my family, can you meet for a drink one night next week at around 8?" and there is a reasonable chance thru could do it. Or I can say "hey want to grab coffee on Sunday while my husband and ILs take the kids to the zoo?" My friends with kids are usually too busy for these last minute hang sessions.

Anonymous wrote:I have some childless friends. By mid 40s they come off as self-absorbed drama queens-especially the single ones. When they offer parenting advice to anyone I roll my eyes. Their life is bizarre to me. I literally wonder what they do with all that bandwidth.

You sound lovely.

I have some childless friends. By mid 40s they come off as self-absorbed drama queens-especially the single ones. When they offer parenting advice to anyone I roll my eyes. Their life is bizarre to me. I literally wonder what they do with all that bandwidth.

Friendships change for all sorts of reasons, OP. I lost more friends when I was in medical school and residency than when I had a baby! Time is finite. Sometimes you just don’t have the time and that’s life. My friends who stuck by me were flexible (as as was with them) and supporting. And accepting of differences in time availability and personality.

It can’t be “tit for tat”. If I don’t call my friend back right away, it doesn’t mean anything. If she doesn’t call me back right away, it means something is wrong.

1) never give parenting advice or opinions - the only reaction allowed is gushing about the cute kids or their achievements
2) try to make plans without kids - but be prepared your activity will be cut short because little Johnny started puking and mom needs to get home asap
3) if you must meet with kids, keep your expectations super low and never suggest a place you always wanted to visit - 99% that your visit there will be ruined

Signed, someone who is one and done and is seeing this a lot with people whose kids are younger