Yes I do find this kind of management of her body to be inherently misogynist. I mean if something is clearly inappropriate for the venue I’ll say something, but I would step back. Esp as all the girls dress like this, this is the style.

Don’t you all remember the extreme low rise jeans we all wore? Lol

Eh, she might as well have fun wearing all that stuff now.

You might want to teach her how to dress when she needs to "dress up" and how to appear for school, church, eating out with adults, etc... Otherwise, she may as well have fun now.

As an adult, there are very few times to wear crop tops and shorts.

Anonymous wrote:I suggest you spend more time thinking about WHO your daughter is than what she wears.

What she wears is a reflection of how she chooses to present who she is to the rest of the world. Surely you know that, PP.

Anonymous wrote:Cropped like this?

https://www.urbanoutfitters.com/shop/uo-frida-surplice-cropped-top?category=SEARCHRESULTS&color=015&searchparams=q%3Dcrop%2520top&type=REGULAR&quantity=1

Or like this?

https://www.urbanoutfitters.com/shop/bdg-twin-flame-cropped-tee?category=SEARCHRESULTS&color=000&searchparams=q%3Dcrop%2520top&type=REGULAR&quantity=1

The top one is beautiful and the 2nd one looks like Somebody cut off shirt from Goodwill

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Anonymous wrote:We teach ours that trashy is trashy. The conversation did not start with our daughter, but with our son who decided that he wanted to wear tight white wifebeaters. For both shorts must cover the butt cheek and then some. Clothes must fit - I shouldn’t be able to see the outlines of private parts (again, mostly for son, whose sweats/shorts can be too tight - that one is just because he doesn’t toss too small clothes).

You can have standards, OP.

How lovely of you. We teach our children not to make value judgments based on what clothes a person is Wearing. We also talk about why we don't like certain styles, but we don't use disparaging terminology to make our points.

That’s very woke of you, but people make snap judgments on first impressions. They may not say something out loud, but they’re thinking it.

Hon, I'm not sure that you understand what "woke" means. So just stop.

And frankly, we do not cater to 3d party prejudices in our home. If someone is going to judge someone for their shorts and top, and think like a judgmental a-hole, they've given my kid a huge gift. And my kid has dodged a bullet.

DP - That's fine and all, but your use of the word prejudices seems a bit dramatic. Human nature is what it is and people have internal biases. Full Stop. I personally would not hire someone who has full face tattoos. You can try and shame me for that all you want, but whatever. It doesn't mean I think they don't deserve the job, or are an awesome and interesting person, but I still would not choose to have them in a client- facing position in my industry.

I get you that you think you are empowering your kid, but do keep in mind that while they may have been given a "gift" there are absolute negative repercussions that can come with it. If having your own style is the hill you want your kid to die on, go ahead, but perceptions matter. If you don't get the job, the contract, get picked, given the chance, etc - call it whatever you want - because you want to wear what you want just be prepared for the consequences. You may not like it, but it is the way of the world.

People will judge you based on all kinds of things - some you can control, some you can't - and act accordingly. For Example: I personally have not hired a realtor based partially on the fact that they had bright, long rainbow hair. Its fine that she had it, it was actually not "offensive" to me, but it definitely made me look at her as not quite professional enough for my needs. Someone else may hire her BECAUSE of her hair and think she's super cool and hip. But my point is, she lost the sale for my home due to a perception I had based on how she presented herself. And I can assure you she didn't "dodge a bullet" by not having me as a client. Maybe not the best example, but it's the first one to spring to mind. I actually think the issue of *children* wearing skimpy or sexy clothing to highlight their bodies is a much more important and potentially troublesome issue... but you don't need a license to parent, so you do you.

Anonymous wrote:Is it wrong to tell my teen daughter not to wear things like crop tops and short shorts? Am I sending her the signal that something is wrong with her body? I am of the opinion you can wear a crop top or you can wear short shorts but not together. If you wear a crop top you better have on some pants, preferably baggy. If you wear short shorts, then have on a full shirt. But my neighbor said it sends the wrong message and is toxic parenting. Is she right?

No. She is wrong and you are right. Raise a strong daughter who is dressed appropriately. BTW, dress for the job you aspire to. Crop top and short shorts is go-go dancer or hooters waitress as far as I am concerned.

I suggest you spend more time thinking about WHO your daughter is than what she wears.

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s better to focus more on matching clothes to the situation-it’s easier to have no drama about school clothes or what to wear to grandma’s if you are more lax with ok clothes for the mall of a friend’s party.

This. I was not raised this way, but it’s how I’m raising my daughters. They are welcome to wear sweats or crop tops or whatever as long as the clothing is appropriate to the occasion and the weather... and they are equipped to fend off pigs.

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Anonymous wrote:It is unwise of you to limit her because by doing so you invest clothing with more importance than it otherwise would have. You also deny her the chance to connect consequences with choices. If she goes out skimpily dressed she will likely receive lots of unwelcome attention that she will have to decide how to handle. Let that process naturally unfold. Clothing selection for Western teens is a critical part of identity formation.

Ew, let your teen be sexually harrassed so she can figure out her fashion style.

Ew! Blaming women and girls for the toxic behavior of men and boys!

Isn't the point of wearing short shorts and crop tops together at once to gain male attention? It isn't as if they are comfortable or stylish. Wearing provocative clothing sends a signal. While it obviously isn't an invitation for sexual harassment, it is a cry for attention.

No. It's a myth females dress to impress men, if they are looking for any outside affirmation it's to compete with other females.

Male attention, female attention, doesn't matter. It is still using your body to gain attention and affirmation.

+1 And that is not the type of daughters we want to raise in our household. We want strong, independent girls and women, not girls and women who judge themselves based on the attention they get from others according to how they dress. Yuck.

Yet, you judge others and ascribe motive to others based on what they're wearing. That's not how you raise strong, independent women who make choices based on their preferences rather than their fear of judgement.

Cropped like this?

https://www.urbanoutfitters.com/shop/uo-frida-surplice-cropped-top?category=SEARCHRESULTS&color=015&searchparams=q%3Dcrop%2520top&type=REGULAR&quantity=1

Or like this?

https://www.urbanoutfitters.com/shop/bdg-twin-flame-cropped-tee?category=SEARCHRESULTS&color=000&searchparams=q%3Dcrop%2520top&type=REGULAR&quantity=1

I can't believe you cant figure this out for yourself. You don't need other people's approval for your parenting.

The bottom line is: we get different responses to people based on clothing. Its just how it is.

If a man shows up to a job interview wearing aerobics shorts with his balls showing, its not going to work so well for him. Evenfor a job at a gym. Well, unless its a super special gym with specific clientele!

Taking that extreme example and working backwards from there can be useful.

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s better to focus more on matching clothes to the situation-it’s easier to have no drama about school clothes or what to wear to grandma’s if you are more lax with ok clothes for the mall of a friend’s party.

This. My DD 11 got a lot of the ultra crop tops and wore them with shorts. I let it go but said it was not appropriate for school and when we went to see friends and made her change when she wore it. When she wore it other places i let it be. Occasionally i would just say that short top and shorts was not a good combination.

Three months on shes over the short crop top phase and now wears regular clothes. There are bigger and better battles to be fought

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:It is unwise of you to limit her because by doing so you invest clothing with more importance than it otherwise would have. You also deny her the chance to connect consequences with choices. If she goes out skimpily dressed she will likely receive lots of unwelcome attention that she will have to decide how to handle. Let that process naturally unfold. Clothing selection for Western teens is a critical part of identity formation.

Ew, let your teen be sexually harrassed so she can figure out her fashion style.

Ew! Blaming women and girls for the toxic behavior of men and boys!

Isn't the point of wearing short shorts and crop tops together at once to gain male attention? It isn't as if they are comfortable or stylish. Wearing provocative clothing sends a signal. While it obviously isn't an invitation for sexual harassment, it is a cry for attention.

But of course those clothes ARE stylish among teens. That's the point. And they can be comfortable when it's hot out. I would personally not wear those clothes at my age, but pretending that the point is to seek male attention is both inaccurate and the same mindset that leads to victim-blaming when men attack women.

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Anonymous wrote:It is unwise of you to limit her because by doing so you invest clothing with more importance than it otherwise would have. You also deny her the chance to connect consequences with choices. If she goes out skimpily dressed she will likely receive lots of unwelcome attention that she will have to decide how to handle. Let that process naturally unfold. Clothing selection for Western teens is a critical part of identity formation.

Ew, let your teen be sexually harrassed so she can figure out her fashion style.

Ew! Blaming women and girls for the toxic behavior of men and boys!

Isn't the point of wearing short shorts and crop tops together at once to gain male attention? It isn't as if they are comfortable or stylish. Wearing provocative clothing sends a signal. While it obviously isn't an invitation for sexual harassment, it is a cry for attention.

No. It's a myth females dress to impress men, if they are looking for any outside affirmation it's to compete with other females.

Male attention, female attention, doesn't matter. It is still using your body to gain attention and affirmation.

+1 And that is not the type of daughters we want to raise in our household. We want strong, independent girls and women, not girls and women who judge themselves based on the attention they get from others according to how they dress. Yuck.

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Anonymous wrote:It is perfectly fine to parent according to your own family values. I can't thing of a single appropriate place for a crop top and short shorts other than maybe the beach. I don't care if we are talking about a boy or a girl. I would definitely let my own children know that we do not consider that to be appropriate attire. They are free to express themselves through clothes as long as the clothes are clean, reasonably modest, and don't have offensive sayings on them. People are simply afraid to parent these days.

Completely agree.

+1 Same

+2