I think child free weddings are very common. I vaguely remember weddings when I was a kid where punch and cake were served at the reception and everyone, including the entire church congregation was invited. That was a long time ago. Weddings have become more formal and receptions have become more expensive. Many people have limited budgets and allowing everyone who wanted to to bring their kids could easily mean cutting their guest list significantly. If you invite one cousin and their kids, you pretty much have to invite all of your cousins and their kids. So cousins and kids could easily mean very few friends and crazy catering charges per head for food that many kids might not even eat.

So: Two questions: Would you be fine with traveling and getting a hotel and bringing your kid — if the reception was cake, punch, and butter mints?
Is the other event actually part of the wedding celebrations? Or does it just happen to be the weekend before?

Anonymous wrote:My brother has a no kid wedding. We had to hire a babysitter to stay with our kids. Since this is just a cousin, I think you should just go alone.

This is what I did when my niece got married. Everyone kept saying, "just have hire a sitter once you're here!" But there was no way I was going to pay for expensive plane tickets to fly my kids to the town where the wedding was so I could turn around and then pay for a babysitter on top of it. No thanks. I just went by myself and DH stayed home.

Just tick the "Regrets" box. That's what it's there for.

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Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't go. The out-of-state last "kid free" wedding we were invited to cost us several thousands between the week-end away with the groom's men (husband was in the wedding), the money they spent getting drunk at strip club (eyeroll), the hotel at the wedding venue, renting the outfits, gifts and whatnot. My husband attended while I stayed home with the kids. Never again. I can find a better use of my money. And if you don't care about meeting my kids then don't expect me to get all excited when it's your turn to have a family.

This is why I don't do baby showers/kid's birthday parties anymore. Parents expect everyone to spend so much time/money on stuff for kids, but the second they're invited to a wedding it's "just too much".

Yeah. No one really expects you to fly out for your cousin’s baby shower, stay at a hotel overnight, and buy a new outfit. You can just send a gift. It’s really fine.

Yeah. No one really expects you to fly out for your cousin’s wedding, stay at a hotel overnight, and buy a new outfit. You can just send a gift. It’s really fine.

Dude. Yes they do. Have you never been to a wedding before? Or a child’s birthday party? They are really different events with very different expectations of the guests.

No they don't. An invite isn't a requirement. I promise you most people aren't losing sleep if you RSVP no and send a gift.

+1,000,000. Spend the money on a gift. They'll love you for it.

Ueah. No one is going to love a wedding gift that is the equivalent cost of a child’s birthday present. But keep pretending these are similar events.

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Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't go. The out-of-state last "kid free" wedding we were invited to cost us several thousands between the week-end away with the groom's men (husband was in the wedding), the money they spent getting drunk at strip club (eyeroll), the hotel at the wedding venue, renting the outfits, gifts and whatnot. My husband attended while I stayed home with the kids. Never again. I can find a better use of my money. And if you don't care about meeting my kids then don't expect me to get all excited when it's your turn to have a family.

This is why I don't do baby showers/kid's birthday parties anymore. Parents expect everyone to spend so much time/money on stuff for kids, but the second they're invited to a wedding it's "just too much".

Yeah. No one really expects you to fly out for your cousin’s baby shower, stay at a hotel overnight, and buy a new outfit. You can just send a gift. It’s really fine.

Yeah. No one really expects you to fly out for your cousin’s wedding, stay at a hotel overnight, and buy a new outfit. You can just send a gift. It’s really fine.

Dude. Yes they do. Have you never been to a wedding before? Or a child’s birthday party? They are really different events with very different expectations of the guests.

No they don't. An invite isn't a requirement. I promise you most people aren't losing sleep if you RSVP no and send a gift.

You are really doubling down on this, huh?
If you really don’t care that no one came to your wedding, then why the vindictive comment about not going to their baby showers?

Well that's news. If you want to play with your imagination go talk to your kid.

You said that when people were invited to your wedding, it was “just too much,” so that’s why you don’t attend their birthday parties and baby showers. I am assuming that you meant they didn’t attend.
It seems like you are annoyed by that. But later you said that you weren’t.
I can’t really follow.

I agree w you, OP, in that I see weddings as all-family events, including kids. And that certainly your 7 year old could handle a wedding (I wouldn’t be as likely to want to take a baby or toddler to a wedding but any kid age 4+ would probably be fine and many kids would even enjoy it. I enjoyed going to weddings as a kid.) However, it is their choice how they want their wedding to be and if they don’t want kids there, you just have to accept that. In your case, if I were close to the cousin and I wanted to be there, I’d attend solo and leave your daughter home w your husband. If you’re not close or have no interest in being there or it’s too expensive or whatever then just send your regrets and a gift and don’t go. Not a big deal either way. Plan a family reunion for another time that includes your daughter if you just really want a whole family event.

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Anonymous wrote:OP, I agree with you completely. But you also have to do what the people hosting the wedding have decided. In your shoes, I left my kids at home with my husband and flew in for 36 hours for the wedding. I was really glad I did it - got quality time with my grandma, etc.

But yes, it is a bummer to attend a family wedding with a giant pile of aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings, and grandparents... but not kids.

Why is it a bummer?

Clearly you are not someone who values the opportunities to have large / extended families get together. Those experiences are highlights of my childhood and adult life and something I deeply cherish so yes, disappointing to not have this opportunity.

NP. Again, if you want to plan, run logistics, make reservations and pay for a family reunion, you are free to do so. A wedding doesn't have to be a family reunion just because YOU feel entitled to eat, drink and be merry on someone else's dime after all the work and logistics they put in.

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Anonymous wrote:OP, I agree with you completely. But you also have to do what the people hosting the wedding have decided. In your shoes, I left my kids at home with my husband and flew in for 36 hours for the wedding. I was really glad I did it - got quality time with my grandma, etc.

But yes, it is a bummer to attend a family wedding with a giant pile of aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings, and grandparents... but not kids.

Why is it a bummer?

Clearly you are not someone who values the opportunities to have large / extended families get together. Those experiences are highlights of my childhood and adult life and something I deeply cherish so yes, disappointing to not have this opportunity.

Highlights for YOU but not for bride and groom. 😃

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Anonymous wrote:I would actually ask your cousin what his/her preference is and start a conversation about it. People without kids have no clue what it takes to make these choices and so sometimes it's just that they didn't really think it through. Before you decide definitively, I would talk to them. They may change their mind about bringing your daughter.

No, don't be that person. They've made their decision and you're trying to second guess that--that's just really rude.

I personally am sad when close family members choose child-free weddings. One of our local relatives had a wedding a couple of years ago and made it child-free for everyone EXCEPT her own siblings' kids, whom she wanted for flower girl duties and photo ops. I stayed home with our kids while H went. The wedding pictures looked so sad when it's just a handful of the bride's nieces and nephews because all of their cousins had to stay home.

That said, you still have to respect the couple's wishes. It may not be what you, or I, would choose personally, it's still not your place to question it.

Op here and I will accept their choice but I don’t agree with it which is okay. Was curious how others felt because this is my first time experiencing this (sounds more common based on opinions given here but again, not something I am familiar with).

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Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't go. The out-of-state last "kid free" wedding we were invited to cost us several thousands between the week-end away with the groom's men (husband was in the wedding), the money they spent getting drunk at strip club (eyeroll), the hotel at the wedding venue, renting the outfits, gifts and whatnot. My husband attended while I stayed home with the kids. Never again. I can find a better use of my money. And if you don't care about meeting my kids then don't expect me to get all excited when it's your turn to have a family.

This is why I don't do baby showers/kid's birthday parties anymore. Parents expect everyone to spend so much time/money on stuff for kids, but the second they're invited to a wedding it's "just too much".

Yeah. No one really expects you to fly out for your cousin’s baby shower, stay at a hotel overnight, and buy a new outfit. You can just send a gift. It’s really fine.

Yeah. No one really expects you to fly out for your cousin’s wedding, stay at a hotel overnight, and buy a new outfit. You can just send a gift. It’s really fine.

Dude. Yes they do. Have you never been to a wedding before? Or a child’s birthday party? They are really different events with very different expectations of the guests.

No they don't. An invite isn't a requirement. I promise you most people aren't losing sleep if you RSVP no and send a gift.

+1,000,000. Spend the money on a gift. They'll love you for it.

I didn’t have kids at my wedding. My SIL is getting married this summer and our kids aren’t invited. We have a sitter who can spend the night with them. If that wasn’t an option, we’d travel with the kids and have a sitter watch them at the destination.

Anonymous wrote:I’m just curious how others feel and would handle out of state, family weddings where your child isn’t invited. I would like to go, we have a small family and it’s my only cousin but I think it’s rude to not invite our daughter since, in my opinion, weddings are about celebrating with family and friends (including kids!). My parents will be at the wedding and my husbands family lives abroad so they are unable to help.... most likely my husband will be skipping the festivities, which makes me sad. Again, just curious how people would react - it’s making me feel sad but I don’t want to cause hurt feelings by not attending.

OP, I agree with you entirely. It is also a very cultural thing to not invite kids, as my DH was really shocked at American weddings that exclude children given that they are family events. I didn't do that for my wedding but that doesn't mean that it's right for everyone. Your cousin can celebrate her wedding however they choose. Just because you disagree doesn't mean that you can bring the kid anyway. I've had issues finding childcare for weddings that didn't allow children so I declined. I didn't feel bad and I'm sure that friends did not miss me. Your cousin won't be offended at all and you probably won't be the only one. You do what's best for you and your family. Sometimes with kids, we have to put parenting first and miss out on nights out. It just is what it is. Plus, COVID.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I agree with you completely. But you also have to do what the people hosting the wedding have decided. In your shoes, I left my kids at home with my husband and flew in for 36 hours for the wedding. I was really glad I did it - got quality time with my grandma, etc.

But yes, it is a bummer to attend a family wedding with a giant pile of aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings, and grandparents... but not kids.

Why is it a bummer?

Clearly you are not someone who values the opportunities to have large / extended families get together. Those experiences are highlights of my childhood and adult life and something I deeply cherish so yes, disappointing to not have this opportunity.

Anonymous wrote:I would actually ask your cousin what his/her preference is and start a conversation about it. People without kids have no clue what it takes to make these choices and so sometimes it's just that they didn't really think it through. Before you decide definitively, I would talk to them. They may change their mind about bringing your daughter.

No, don't be that person. They've made their decision and you're trying to second guess that--that's just really rude.

I personally am sad when close family members choose child-free weddings. One of our local relatives had a wedding a couple of years ago and made it child-free for everyone EXCEPT her own siblings' kids, whom she wanted for flower girl duties and photo ops. I stayed home with our kids while H went. The wedding pictures looked so sad when it's just a handful of the bride's nieces and nephews because all of their cousins had to stay home.

That said, you still have to respect the couple's wishes. It may not be what you, or I, would choose personally, it's still not your place to question it.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't go. The out-of-state last "kid free" wedding we were invited to cost us several thousands between the week-end away with the groom's men (husband was in the wedding), the money they spent getting drunk at strip club (eyeroll), the hotel at the wedding venue, renting the outfits, gifts and whatnot. My husband attended while I stayed home with the kids. Never again. I can find a better use of my money. And if you don't care about meeting my kids then don't expect me to get all excited when it's your turn to have a family.

This is why I don't do baby showers/kid's birthday parties anymore. Parents expect everyone to spend so much time/money on stuff for kids, but the second they're invited to a wedding it's "just too much".

Yeah. No one really expects you to fly out for your cousin’s baby shower, stay at a hotel overnight, and buy a new outfit. You can just send a gift. It’s really fine.

Yeah. No one really expects you to fly out for your cousin’s wedding, stay at a hotel overnight, and buy a new outfit. You can just send a gift. It’s really fine.

Dude. Yes they do. Have you never been to a wedding before? Or a child’s birthday party? They are really different events with very different expectations of the guests.

No they don't. An invite isn't a requirement. I promise you most people aren't losing sleep if you RSVP no and send a gift.

You are really doubling down on this, huh?
If you really don’t care that no one came to your wedding, then why the vindictive comment about not going to their baby showers?

Well that's news. If you want to play with your imagination go talk to your kid.