You husband sounds annoying. What is the point of having money if it doesn't make your life more pleasant? You don't need fancy cars etc., but someone to paint your house and ski with your kids is perfectly reasonable and a good use of money because it makes most people happier. Maybe your DH enjoys menial chores, in which case he should do them on his own time and not subtract that from the time he contributes generally to the household/kids. There's a lot of daylight between cheap and profligate, and your husband sounds cheap. You could spend more without getting close to profligate.

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand the point of making a lot of money and not wasting it. What to do with it then? When I got my first big payout, I immediately blew it all on new clothes, parties and casinos. Maybe I wasted my money so thoughtlessly because I grew up in a poor family, but now, after learning about my dream profession on yourmoneygeek.com, I became a game tester and get a lot of money now. But I think that's what happiness is all about, being able to spend money the way you want to, rather than wondering if you have enough money for food.

I totally agree with you. And also read the attached article and was amazed at how many ways there are to monetize your love of video games

I don't understand the point of making a lot of money and not wasting it. What to do with it then? When I got my first big payout, I immediately blew it all on new clothes, parties and casinos. Maybe I wasted my money so thoughtlessly because I grew up in a poor family, but now, after learning about my dream profession on yourmoneygeek.com, I became a game tester and get a lot of money now. But I think that's what happiness is all about, being able to spend money the way you want to, rather than wondering if you have enough money for food.

Anonymous wrote:Idk, I’m with him. I don’t think 5 mil is a lot of money. Certainly not enough to spend the kind of money you want to spend - flying private, vacation house, luxury cars, 1k private ski instruction, etc.

You’re going to need that money in your old age now that life expectancy is so damn long. Gotta pay people to keep your demented ass out of the road.

$5mil combined with their HHI is more than enough to lighten up and pay for some things that you'd like or for things that will save you time. Sure, her husband can paint the room, but is that how he wants to spend his free time? Personally I'd rather spend that time at a park with my family, hiking, cooking and eating a delicious meal or going out to eat, reading a book that will give me new ideas or a lovely story. And a little luxury is nice here and there. They aren't buying a gulfstream - they are occasionally upgrading their vacation. It's totally reasonable and I'd be unhappy if my DH was so totally opposed.

So is this a situation where your husband makes $650K and you make the balance? Or are you all pretty equal as far as what you're contributing to the HHI? Either way, your husband is cheap, period. But the former would give you more authority at least.

I would suggest that you sit down with him and discuss setting up a discretionary spending account that you can control. At that HHI, as long as your bills are paid and you're meeting retirement and savings' goals, I would say about $40-50k/year. But you get to spend it however you like. If that's vacations, cashmere sweaters, headstand lessons for the kids, a cleaning service, etc, that's your business *in my Tabitha Brown voice*

I won't assume you work hard, but you work for your money, and it seems sucky that you can't spend some of it to make life a little better or more enjoyable when you're not working. Something would have to give.

Anonymous wrote:OP, why does your DH get to decide what you spend on. My advice is to go ahead and book the nice hotels and business class flights. Buy what you want and ignore his protests. That’s what I would do. Perhaps you could rent a nice vacation home for one summer and see how that goes. This board is not a great place to come for advice. People here obsess about hoarding money rather than considering it a means to an end. Live your life, donate generously and be happy. What is the point of leaving millions behind for grandkids to crash and burn through. Someone will eventually spend that money even if you don’t

Have you bought business class tickets? That's a huge expense and difference in price. It's not a little more, it's usually 2.5 times the price and sometimes more than that. Unless you're flying from here to Singapore or Auckland, waste of money.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he pushed back on hiring it out and then never actually followed through on the project I'd see your point, but if he actually gets the work done what's the issue?

I wouldn't spend $200 on a sweater nor would I spend $1000 to paint a single room or for 1-day ski lessons.

Idk 🤷‍♀️ guess I feel like, what is the point of saving all this money? What are we actually going to do with it? Besides give it to our kids when we die. It’s nice that they’ll receive an inheritance but it’s not my motivating goal in life. I’d like to enjoy my own life too!

These are all just examples of when I’d like to spend money but don’t. Another is a weekend away for our anniversary. I’d like to go to a nice hotel (500-1000 a night). He thinks it’s too much money.

We make a little bit more than you do, and I wouldn't spend that much for a hotel. I posted on the hotel cost thread links to multiple $1000/night hotels I've stayed in. Nice, but not worth it. (Work trips, I didn't pay)

I wouldn't spend $1000 to ski without my kids either. We ski, and I'm guessing yours are very young if they are slower than you--that won't last long. Ours left us in the dust by the time they hit double digits in age, and we're good skiers. Put them in ski school, cheaper and you still ski alone.

Why pay for painting if your husband does it? I'd only complain if he expected me to do it or if never got done. So I guess my point is that I don't see a problem--use the money for something else. In our case, our kids go to private schools, and we have a nice house. We travel a lot (but don't spend a fortune to do it).

Yes, definitely me. It's a combination of income not being guaranteed and it mostly coming from variable sources (B2B sales income) and I grew up in a family where we would go from having a ton of money to very little. So I end up saving everything that isn't guaranteed which is most of the money I make and living on my base which isn't very large because I'm so afraid.

OP, why does your DH get to decide what you spend on. My advice is to go ahead and book the nice hotels and business class flights. Buy what you want and ignore his protests. That’s what I would do. Perhaps you could rent a nice vacation home for one summer and see how that goes. This board is not a great place to come for advice. People here obsess about hoarding money rather than considering it a means to an end. Live your life, donate generously and be happy. What is the point of leaving millions behind for grandkids to crash and burn through. Someone will eventually spend that money even if you don’t

Idk, I’m with him. I don’t think 5 mil is a lot of money. Certainly not enough to spend the kind of money you want to spend - flying private, vacation house, luxury cars, 1k private ski instruction, etc.

You’re going to need that money in your old age now that life expectancy is so damn long. Gotta pay people to keep your demented ass out of the road.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's your net worth?

OP here. Around 5M.

To answer some other questions, yes he does enjoy being handy and doing home improvement projects. But I also know he doesn’t want to spend the money.

Hey OP, there's a difference between being handy and cheap. There are a lot of things in your first post that we also would not have paid for and our HHI is a bit higher than you but 3x net worth. We are on our sixth home since getting married, and hire people for house cleaning, landscaping, pool maintenance, etc, but we've also never flown anything other than coach, and have never spent anywhere close to $200 on a sweater. I bought a Patagonia puffy jacket for $300 once, and that is the highlight of my closet. I have suits that cost more, but I only wear them for work so it's less of an indulgent purchase and more like buying quality tools.

My point is that different people spend money on different things. If there are some things that's important to you that you'd like to spend money on, work it out with your husband. I don't know about $1k for skii instruction for kids, but if it was a one-time expense and was part of a larger vacation trip that we had spent 20-30k, I might go for it. Got knows we've spent over $500 on a single meal, so $1K for a day seems okay to me.

Your husbands relationship with money is not healthy. Yes, he is cheap. You should spend more, and one place to consider some new spending is for some therapy for him.

Anonymous wrote:Our HHI is $900k-1.1 depending on the year. We do not live extravagantly but we do spend on what's important to us. DW doesn't care about jewelry so we have nothing special there. Our cars are relatively new and luxury cars, because I like cars and also the newer cars have more safety features. We fly premium economy when traveling abroad, and coach when in the US but I dont' mind since we're all in the same row and not bunched between strangers. We don't have a vacation home due to too much maintenance and hassle, and we want to visit a new place each time.

You can indeed spend more, and it sounds like you want to. Your best option may be to get a financial advisor and have them be the "mediator". They see this all the time. They'll maybe have you all agree on a budget like let's spend $30k on vacations per year, then both of you agree to that and work within it.

What’s your NW and ages. Maybe your NW us double or triple the OPs.

OP, is your HHI single income or double? If you are earning half of it, why can’t you decide what to do with that half?

OP, your husband is cheap. This is border line mental illness. What's the point of having a $5M NW and a $800k HHI if you are going to be that miserable?
Money can't buy you happiness but it gives you options. This allows you to comfortably pick the options that make you happy.
You chose to pick the options that make you more miserable. We make much much less than you but we live better and we still save a lot.
What are you doing with your money?

Our HHI is $900k-1.1 depending on the year. We do not live extravagantly but we do spend on what's important to us. DW doesn't care about jewelry so we have nothing special there. Our cars are relatively new and luxury cars, because I like cars and also the newer cars have more safety features. We fly premium economy when traveling abroad, and coach when in the US but I dont' mind since we're all in the same row and not bunched between strangers. We don't have a vacation home due to too much maintenance and hassle, and we want to visit a new place each time.

You can indeed spend more, and it sounds like you want to. Your best option may be to get a financial advisor and have them be the "mediator". They see this all the time. They'll maybe have you all agree on a budget like let's spend $30k on vacations per year, then both of you agree to that and work within it.