Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm due in two months and have been struggling with the thought of breastfeeding. It seems incredibly time consuming. It's a huge task to always be the one to get up in the middle of the night. I'd love to share the responsibility of feeding with my partner. Further, I don't have a job where I can expect privacy and I have a long commute (an hour plus) on public transportation. I know that workplaces are required to provide time and space for pumping, but I've seen how that plays out in reality with coworkers and it's not something I'd be comfortable doing (the time is never sufficient, and the space is never private). I know about the health benefits and I understand, but I also feel like my baby will be absolutely fine even if he is formula fed. I do feel like he will likely be better off if I don't resent this part of parenting.

Did anyone else choose not to breastfeed? If so, what were your reasons? In retrospect, do you feel like you or your child missed out? Thanks for any thoughts.

I've got news for you PP. Every single aspect of parenting can seem "incredibly time consuming." Yes, it is absolutely a huge task to always be the one to get up in the middle of the night but guess what - that's what parents do. And it's nice that you are rationalizing that your baby will be "absolutely fine," even though you claim to understand the health benefits of providing him with something better.

You have a lot to learn, OP. You're going to be a mother. It's not about you anymore. Embrace it - the next 18 years will go by very quickly.

Congratulations!

You know you’re on the internet instead of interacting with/sacrificing for your kids right? How do you rationalize your amazing condescension when you know you could be doing better?

Guess what also takes tons of time? Hand washing bottle parts every. Damn. Night. Especially the Dr. Brown’s with all the interior parts. Nursing is time consuming. Pumping is time consuming. Bottle feeding is time consuming. Parenting is time consuming.

News flash for Op: Infants don’t just get slotted into your existing life unless you have hired help and lots of family around. For the rest of us, they upend life and you reconfigure. You will realize this after the baby arrives. Who you are isn’t who you will be as a mom. Having a baby literally changes your brain. So How you plan to feed your baby is a premature decision. Wait til baby arrives. See how you feel.

Personally, nursing was tough for me (I’ve had mastitis 5 times between two kids, latch issues, severe engorgement, etc), but worth it for the health benefits and bonding. I liked the oxytocin rush. I liked the connection, it helped alleviate my working mom guilt when I only saw my baby for like 2 awake hours a day after I went back to work and would cry in the pumping room. And even then sometimes we did formula and it was fine. There’s a zillion shades of gray between EBF and EFF. Embrace the gray. And the new woman you will
Be as a mom. Her priorities will probably shift and evolve and look very different once your child arrives.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm due in two months and have been struggling with the thought of breastfeeding. It seems incredibly time consuming. It's a huge task to always be the one to get up in the middle of the night. I'd love to share the responsibility of feeding with my partner. Further, I don't have a job where I can expect privacy and I have a long commute (an hour plus) on public transportation. I know that workplaces are required to provide time and space for pumping, but I've seen how that plays out in reality with coworkers and it's not something I'd be comfortable doing (the time is never sufficient, and the space is never private). I know about the health benefits and I understand, but I also feel like my baby will be absolutely fine even if he is formula fed. I do feel like he will likely be better off if I don't resent this part of parenting.

Did anyone else choose not to breastfeed? If so, what were your reasons? In retrospect, do you feel like you or your child missed out? Thanks for any thoughts.

I've got news for you PP. Every single aspect of parenting can seem "incredibly time consuming." Yes, it is absolutely a huge task to always be the one to get up in the middle of the night but guess what - that's what parents do. And it's nice that you are rationalizing that your baby will be "absolutely fine," even though you claim to understand the health benefits of providing him with something better.

You have a lot to learn, OP. You're going to be a mother. It's not about you anymore. Embrace it - the next 18 years will go by very quickly.

Congratulations!

Many parts of parenting are extremely time consuming, this is true. Personally I like to maximize saving time where I can so I can more fully embrace the things you really can’t shortchange.

Also, because parenting is so all consuming it’s important to be conscious that you are not losing yourself in it entirely, for your own mental health. And I don’t mean that to be selfish. I mean that a healthy happy mom is a good mom, and an overstressed depressed mom is usually not as good a mom. Of course there are extremes where women over prioritize their happiness at the expense of their kids but in an ideal world there is balance.

Breastfeeding is extremely time consuming and specifically it takes a lot of moms time, establishing a norm of an extremely disparate scope of work for mom and dad from day 1. Being aware of that time and trying to ensure mom has some time to herself and dad is pulling his weight is really important and I feel like your post contributes to the mommy martyr syndrome that leads to depression.

Anonymous wrote:I'm due in two months and have been struggling with the thought of breastfeeding. It seems incredibly time consuming. It's a huge task to always be the one to get up in the middle of the night. I'd love to share the responsibility of feeding with my partner. Further, I don't have a job where I can expect privacy and I have a long commute (an hour plus) on public transportation. I know that workplaces are required to provide time and space for pumping, but I've seen how that plays out in reality with coworkers and it's not something I'd be comfortable doing (the time is never sufficient, and the space is never private). I know about the health benefits and I understand, but I also feel like my baby will be absolutely fine even if he is formula fed. I do feel like he will likely be better off if I don't resent this part of parenting.

Did anyone else choose not to breastfeed? If so, what were your reasons? In retrospect, do you feel like you or your child missed out? Thanks for any thoughts.

I've got news for you PP. Every single aspect of parenting can seem "incredibly time consuming." Yes, it is absolutely a huge task to always be the one to get up in the middle of the night but guess what - that's what parents do. And it's nice that you are rationalizing that your baby will be "absolutely fine," even though you claim to understand the health benefits of providing him with something better.

You have a lot to learn, OP. You're going to be a mother. It's not about you anymore. Embrace it - the next 18 years will go by very quickly.

Congratulations!

Anonymous wrote:Why not just give it a try and stop if you hate it? There are real benefits to breastfeeding, so you may as well try it out. You can always just stop and formula feed if it’s a problem.

Because you can’t judge it by the first few weeks. I’m nursing my third now and like it (free! Easy!) but the first week I was so sore!

Anonymous wrote:I was reading somewhere (can't remember the source) that in many non-US cultures women BF at home and formula feed in public. U.S. lactation activists parachute in and try to eliminate formula feeding by "teaching" these cultures about BF, assuming if they use any formula at all they are ignorant about BF. It's embarrassing. There's no reason you can't do both.

If she works 8 hours has 2 hour commute and doesn't want to get up every two hours all night to BF or pump at work she almost certainly will lose most if not all of her supply

You're not gonna make it if you're that half-hearted about it. BF as long as you can on leave.

Always thought I’d BF for a year and never really considered formula. Ended up hating it with a baby who was tongue and lip tied and really struggling to adequately feed, falling asleep every time, and leading to lots of clogs bc he wasn’t draining me. Even though we had his ties released, we switched to pumping and bottle feeding at 6 weeks and that was hell for a bit too bc exclusive pumping and taking care of a newborn is so challenging (he was so much happier though!). Weaned myself down to 2 pumps per day after a few weeks and supplemented with formula. He was fed about 50/50 until 6 months when I quit pumping and went to all formula and I have never felt better as a mom. Wish I’d done it sooner! Will try again with any future children but formula is great and fed really is best. He’s 8 months now and thriving, and I’m so much more myself and a better mom to him without all the hormones that come with BF.

I didn’t produce enough so I always had to supplement. With second child, I gave up and FF. You can’t tell which kids were BF and which were FF.
Do what works for you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it's ok if you don't breastfeed, at all, even if it's just that you don't want to do it.

Agree. Never ask on DCUM about breastfeeding as 99% of women on here are breastfeeding zealouts and love to shame those who choose not to BF. A happy mother is best. you should do what you think is best for you.

I think the responses on this thread have been mostly supportive. I don't think any "zealots" have shown up.

I personally loved breastfeeding, but was super grateful for formula when I went back to work. A mix of breastfeeding, pumping and formula was right for me. OP will find what's right for her. If she experiences PPD, as I did, she may find it helpful to know that the breastfeeding hormone response was really helpful for me, and BF gave me confidence as a new mom. Or, that might nut be useful info. I wish her good health and good luck, whatever she decides!

+100. it doesn't have to be all or nothing. I personally loved it, but also was more than happy to bring formula into the mix when I needed to.mi feel like I had the best of all worlds. my husband would get up and change the baby while I went to the restroom, sat down to feed, and came back to bed. If needed, I would ask him to do a bottle. It's truly not all or nothing. Good luck, OP! Whatever you decide will be great.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it's ok if you don't breastfeed, at all, even if it's just that you don't want to do it.

Agree. Never ask on DCUM about breastfeeding as 99% of women on here are breastfeeding zealouts and love to shame those who choose not to BF. A happy mother is best. you should do what you think is best for you.

You know what? I don't care what you do with your baby. But, if you ask for opinions and I have an opinion on breastfeeding than I will tell you that. Op should do what she wants and if she can't read advice and learn to dismiss it if she doesn't agree than life is going to be very difficult.

The breastfeeding nazis still.live!

I breastfeed but have no interest in pumping at work— it’s something we’d never expect men to do, and if we did the breaks would be sufficient, the colleagues supportive and the facilities adequate. So I am 10,000% in your corner about the work situation. On the other hand I’m lazy and don’t want to wash bottles or have my small kitchen cluttered so I only have what I need for daycare— at home, I breastfeed. Those bottles are adequate for a walk or a massage or an afternoon on my own. Something I wish someone had told me is that the universe isn’t divided into “breastfeed” and “don’t breastfeed” but the million options on the spectrum of how to feed little humans.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it's ok if you don't breastfeed, at all, even if it's just that you don't want to do it.

Agree. Never ask on DCUM about breastfeeding as 99% of women on here are breastfeeding zealouts and love to shame those who choose not to BF. A happy mother is best. you should do what you think is best for you.

I think the responses on this thread have been mostly supportive. I don't think any "zealots" have shown up.

I personally loved breastfeeding, but was super grateful for formula when I went back to work. A mix of breastfeeding, pumping and formula was right for me. OP will find what's right for her. If she experiences PPD, as I did, she may find it helpful to know that the breastfeeding hormone response was really helpful for me, and BF gave me confidence as a new mom. Or, that might nut be useful info. I wish her good health and good luck, whatever she decides!

Why not just give it a try and stop if you hate it? There are real benefits to breastfeeding, so you may as well try it out. You can always just stop and formula feed if it’s a problem.

Anonymous wrote:Personally, I'd nurse while you are home, but let your spouse give bottles of pumped milk or formula so he can share that responsibility. And then just switch to formula when you return to work. It doesn't have to be all or nothing.

This. By the way, I never thought I'd breastfeed and ended up loving it. Nursed both kids for a year. My pediatrician said most of the benefits are in the first 6 weeks. So you could always just do it for a few weeks. Or not at all. Formula is a wonderful food for your baby.