We lived together (in our 30s) for about 2 years before I made a joke about us having a baby and he said we needed to get married first, I said let’s do it, and then we were on our way to city hall.

Sixty-seven percent (67%) of those currently married had cohabited before marriage with one or more partners.

https://ifstudies.org/blog/cohabitation-is-pervasive

Seems the majority of married couples have this story. It's not 1950.

I made the mistake of living with my ex for 7 years thinking and hoping and discussing getting married. it never happened because I was giving the milk away for free. Now I date intentionally and refuse to live with a man before marriage. good luck to them. I'm of the thought-if you have to ask you already know the answer.

Anonymous wrote:I gave my now-DH an ultimatum. We had been living together for 4 years, talking about getting married, but he kept just talking about it.

So I finally told him he needed to propose within a week or I was going to find my own place and move on. I was totally serious, moved myself into another bedroom, and started looking at apartments.

He did propose, we are not happily married 10 years with 4 kids. He now kicks himself for waiting so long to propose. He says he was nervous about starting a family, which is funny because he now loves having a pack of kids.

PP here - that should say we are *now happily married (instead of not).

I gave my now-DH an ultimatum. We had been living together for 4 years, talking about getting married, but he kept just talking about it.

So I finally told him he needed to propose within a week or I was going to find my own place and move on. I was totally serious, moved myself into another bedroom, and started looking at apartments.

He did propose, we are not happily married 10 years with 4 kids. He now kicks himself for waiting so long to propose. He says he was nervous about starting a family, which is funny because he now loves having a pack of kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I lived together for ~2 years before he proposed (had been together a year prior to that). We were 28 (me) and 37. I remember my mom wanting me to put a little more pressure on him to propose (i.e. milk for free etc) but I wasn't worried. We had already discussed marriage and were both on board. We were having fun partying and traveling so just didn't feel a need to rush.

You make it sound like you have to give this up when you get married. No wonder people stop having sex.

We got married when we both knew we wanted to get married. We didn’t wait until we were done partying and traveling and having sex. Maybe that’s why those things have continued throughout our marriage. It wasn’t some turning point where we needed to change into completely different people.

You must have had some unicorn kids if you were able to continue partying. My kids were such horrible sleepers as infants that partying was the last thing on our minds!

Who said anything about kids?
You said that you had to stop those things when you got married. You lived together, but didn't get married until you were ready to stop having fun. That sucks.

I'm the PP of the original comment. Of course we didn't stop having fun when we got married. I meant more in relation to my mother pressuring me for a ring because of my 'biological clock'. We both knew we wanted to get married to each other and didn't want to be with anyone else, so there was really no rush in our minds. And once we got married, we continued to travel and have fun for a few more years until we had a child.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I lived together for ~2 years before he proposed (had been together a year prior to that). We were 28 (me) and 37. I remember my mom wanting me to put a little more pressure on him to propose (i.e. milk for free etc) but I wasn't worried. We had already discussed marriage and were both on board. We were having fun partying and traveling so just didn't feel a need to rush.

You make it sound like you have to give this up when you get married. No wonder people stop having sex.

We got married when we both knew we wanted to get married. We didn’t wait until we were done partying and traveling and having sex. Maybe that’s why those things have continued throughout our marriage. It wasn’t some turning point where we needed to change into completely different people.

You must have had some unicorn kids if you were able to continue partying. My kids were such horrible sleepers as infants that partying was the last thing on our minds!

My kids were decent sleepers. We had friends over to the house after they went to bed a lot when they were little. As they have gotten older, they stay at home with a sitter when we go out, or they come with us to lower key family friendly parties. You don't have to spend your life sitting at home watching Dora the Explorer and driving to soccer practice just because you are parents.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I lived together for ~2 years before he proposed (had been together a year prior to that). We were 28 (me) and 37. I remember my mom wanting me to put a little more pressure on him to propose (i.e. milk for free etc) but I wasn't worried. We had already discussed marriage and were both on board. We were having fun partying and traveling so just didn't feel a need to rush.

You make it sound like you have to give this up when you get married. No wonder people stop having sex.

We got married when we both knew we wanted to get married. We didn’t wait until we were done partying and traveling and having sex. Maybe that’s why those things have continued throughout our marriage. It wasn’t some turning point where we needed to change into completely different people.

You must have had some unicorn kids if you were able to continue partying. My kids were such horrible sleepers as infants that partying was the last thing on our minds!

Who said anything about kids?
You said that you had to stop those things when you got married. You lived together, but didn't get married until you were ready to stop having fun. That sucks.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lived together 5 years, I was starting a business and it pulled in all of my time, my girlfriend was heading to a friends wedding and said if she got on the delta shuttle without a ring on her finger she was never coming back.

Throwback to the old IAD! Ha, she sounds spunky.

So, did pp propose? Or did the girlfriend leave?

I did and we’ve been together for 20 years; I already had the ring but was so busy I just kept pushing the proposal off because I wanted to do it right. The night before she was due to leave I brought her to the Jefferson Memorial (pre 9-11 when you could park there) and asked her right by the third column from the right if your looking at the stairs from the basin. They were doing some work and there was an opening under the column base so after she said yes I put the ring box under the opening, I hope it’s still there. We went home to our 450sf condo, clobbered a bottle of champagne while she called family and friends; then we banged for an hour, pretty good day. The one thing I was shocked by was every person she told about the engagement asked what day we were getting married...huh??..I just got engaged let’s just be engaged for a while, what’s the hurry??
The delta shuttle from Reagan was the best, we both had our old college ID’s so we could walk on anytime of day and 48 minutes later be at LaGuardia for 74 bucks! We’d fly up in the morning, hang with friends, have dinner in NY and be back in our bed in Alexandria by 10pm.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I lived together for ~2 years before he proposed (had been together a year prior to that). We were 28 (me) and 37. I remember my mom wanting me to put a little more pressure on him to propose (i.e. milk for free etc) but I wasn't worried. We had already discussed marriage and were both on board. We were having fun partying and traveling so just didn't feel a need to rush.

You make it sound like you have to give this up when you get married. No wonder people stop having sex.

We got married when we both knew we wanted to get married. We didn’t wait until we were done partying and traveling and having sex. Maybe that’s why those things have continued throughout our marriage. It wasn’t some turning point where we needed to change into completely different people.

You must have had some unicorn kids if you were able to continue partying. My kids were such horrible sleepers as infants that partying was the last thing on our minds!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I lived together for 4 years (aged 29-33) before he proposed. We got married pretty much exactly a year to the date of his proposal.

No ultimatums for me. Maybe it works out for some people but in my friend group I have only seen that work out badly (a VERY unhappy marriage).

I asked him before we moved in together if he saw marriage in our future and he said yes, he saw us getting married in a few years. That was enough for me. We already owned our place (yes, together, unmarried). I wasn't really in a huge hurry because I wasn't ready for kids yet, and loving that carefree DINK lifestyle.

Other people's experiences mean nothing for your friend and her future. Some guys commit and some string women along. Has she had the "do you see marriage in our future" conversation with her boyfriend?

What did it matter if you wanted kids yet? You don’t need to be married to have children.

I'm sure it doesn't matter to plenty of people. I personally wanted us to be married before having children, and wanted to be done having children by age 40 (not that there is anything wrong with having them after 40! Just my own preference)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lived together 5 years, I was starting a business and it pulled in all of my time, my girlfriend was heading to a friends wedding and said if she got on the delta shuttle without a ring on her finger she was never coming back.

Throwback to the old IAD! Ha, she sounds spunky.

So, did pp propose? Or did the girlfriend leave?

I hope he asked where to forward the remainder of her stuff.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lived together 5 years, I was starting a business and it pulled in all of my time, my girlfriend was heading to a friends wedding and said if she got on the delta shuttle without a ring on her finger she was never coming back.

Throwback to the old IAD! Ha, she sounds spunky.

So, did pp propose? Or did the girlfriend leave?

Anonymous wrote:Lived together 5 years, I was starting a business and it pulled in all of my time, my girlfriend was heading to a friends wedding and said if she got on the delta shuttle without a ring on her finger she was never coming back.

Throwback to the old IAD! Ha, she sounds spunky.