OP, it sounds like you are waitlisted at STA and your kid is headed to somewhere like Landon.
We were in your position a few years ago. We felt like STA was worth it (unique setting, super high academics, and yes prestige) but in our situation, a place like Landon was not. We kept the kid in public and he did really well.
We ended up reapplying to to STA and he was admitted on the second try.
I will say the only issue is that you say your son is struggling in public due to the pandemic. That is totally understandable but will make admissions at STA or similar difficult if not impossible. There are plenty of kids who have been
able to keep-it-together grades wise this year, despite the circumstances. In this case, I would probably go with the back-up school.

In addition to excellent academic foundations, resources, and more individualized attention, prep schools really do prepare their students for college — both academically and socially. They also give students lifelong resources — in peers, fellow classmates and alumni connections.

If I apply for a job and the other candidate shares a few school connections with the hiring manager, I’d say that the other candidates has an advantage when it comes to determining who might seem to be the “better fit”.

Anonymous wrote:I am choosing private because I went to an elite college, and the students from good privates did much better and had an easier time at college than me, largely because of my lackluster secondary education.

If I felt public was preparing them adequately, I would have no problem with it, but they spend so much of their time doing remedial work and sitting in the classroom board and idle waiting for other kids to finish. And this was before the pandemic.

That was far from my experience coming from a good, but nothing noteworthy public school. I and most of my friends from public did as well or better than friends from fancy privates. The few most accomplished in my group of friends went to public.

And this all presupposes that your kid will get into an elite college. Maybe she will, maybe she won't. But paying $50k per year on the hope that it will give her a leg up at her elite college seems incredibly misguided.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's about fit and your child's needs, not about outcomes. If you're interested in Sidwell because of college admissions, you're not choosing a school for the right reasons.

Why is this such a bad thing? Don't we all want our kids to go to the best colleges?

We all know the name on your degree matters to getting into the most elite professions.

It is what it is, why can't we just acknowledge that?

I am the PP. For the record I attended an top private in the area and I’m sure it helped me in admissions. But that’s not WHY I went there or why I would send my own child to a specific school. I went to the school I attended for single sex, faith based, whole child education and because I was gifted. My outcomes however have primarily been because of the single sex and while child education pieces. I think most UMC children will engage with content just fine in most environments but the warm and fuzzy stuff is where the rubber meets the road for many children.

My own child is in FCPS because on their current academic level THEY can get both the academics they need with IEP accommodations and whole child education. Every couple of years I reevaluate and look at everything from the schools for “quirky” kids like mine to the elite privates. And every time I opt to leave them where they are.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sat in class, bored out of my mind in all the AP classes in my high performing suburban high school. I didn’t experience academic challenge in the classroom until college. So if you can find a private school that saves kids from that, it saves them from wasting years of their lives not learning anything interesting.

Well aren't you special.

This is a valid point. If you are never challenged, you never learn the skills needed to work above your current level. This is why the transition to a rigorous school with traditional grading is often a huge wake up call to smart kids accustomed to coasting. Many kids work hard in traditional public high schools and do very well in life. But there is a category of kids who don't have to work hard there to get by, and they often need a different environment, where teachers don't let them coast, to learn how to apply themselves and stretch the limits of their abilities. These are your classic underachievers who need more to thrive.

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Anonymous wrote:I am choosing private because I went to an elite college, and the students from good privates did much better and had an easier time at college than me, largely because of my lackluster secondary education.

If I felt public was preparing them adequately, I would have no problem with it, but they spend so much of their time doing remedial work and sitting in the classroom board and idle waiting for other kids to finish. And this was before the pandemic.

Hmm, I had this same experience coming from a public to an elite school. My public was super crappy though and I don't know that the ones around here are as bad.

However, I was able to catch up Freshman year. I went to the writing center for help, I retook calc, and had a tutor this time to actually learn it. I went to office hours, which professors tend to love. It was extra work and I had to be self motivated but it was also very doable as long as you are willing to put the work in.

I ended up graduating with a 3.92 GPA so in the end it wasn't that bad.

I don't think it's worth 50k a year + just to spare your kid this extra work freshman year if you don't have that kind of money.

I worked very hard but it was almost impossible to make up for that (it comes down to the fact you are probably smarter than me), and these are my kids so I suspect they are about as dumb as me!

One key thing was I was too embarrassed to go to office hours and waste my professors time because I felt so profoundly behind. I felt it was fine if you had a specific question, but if they had to re-teach the lesson they would figure out I didn’t belong. This may have been imposter syndrome or true incompetence, leave it as exercise for the reader.

I did a technical major and had some successes, but in the end my grades were lackluster.

PP here. I did it for both. Especially after I realized how much these people love it and will favor you for special programs or awards. I asked my econ professor one question that he said he had never considered before and it ended up with him recommending me for a full scholarship for an MBA (which I very stupidly didn't take). I once wrote a whole paper on the wrong topic but the professor knew me from office hours and said he was so impressed by it that he gave me full marks anyway, lol. I had another professor who said she'd edit papers for you if you submitted them early, probably something she'd offer because no one ever did. Well I did and she was a tough grader so I kept submitting. I think she eventually gave me an A just to get rid of me, lol. I ended up getting an award from the department and I don't think it's because I was the best student. But I was probably one of the harder working ones.

My point is, what I learned from all that, is that people really like it when you show a genuine interest in their work, when they can see that you are trying hard, and they are more likely to reward people they know then people they don't. Perseverance and effort pay off.

This is a funny story but to me it is depressing that it underlines how much success in life is determined by personal connections. It’s who you know, you it what you know.

Omg. I did not get that from the PP’s story at all! PP just was persistent and hard working. Those weren’t “connections”! Connections are Daddy’s law partner knows the CEO at CNN and got you the entry level job. This is not that. Don’t confuse hard work and determination for privilege Well earned PPP!
You are the type of person I hope my kid turns out to be, lots of grit. Love your story.

Did you read the part where the Econ professor got her a scholarship to an mba program just because she asked a supposedly interesting question? That’s weird.

It's really not. Professors who have been teaching the same subject probably don't encounter that many kids who really challenge them to think about something new. One of my law school professors noted in a clerkship recommendation that I asked him a civil procedure question he had never contemplated. A mathematics professor in undergrad went out of the way to show the class when I solved a problem in a way he had never seen. In neither case was I the best student in the class, but both professors found the new approaches notable and recommended me based on it.

Wow, those two PPs are AMAZING. Far from best students, but have ground breaking insights in law, math, and econ.

We send our kids to private school so that they can get a religious education in addition to the subjects covered in public schools. If it wasn't for the religious dimension, public school would be fine for us.

Don’t think they will put your kid in a good college. They don’t promise that, they are not in obligation to do it, and they can’t do it to everyone.

Actually, a kid coming from public may be in a better position than a kid coming from private with the same GPA, because it is probably a sign that the first is self motivated.

Anonymous wrote:I sat in class, bored out of my mind in all the AP classes in my high performing suburban high school. I didn’t experience academic challenge in the classroom until college. So if you can find a private school that saves kids from that, it saves them from wasting years of their lives not learning anything interesting.

Well aren't you special.

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Anonymous wrote:I am choosing private because I went to an elite college, and the students from good privates did much better and had an easier time at college than me, largely because of my lackluster secondary education.

If I felt public was preparing them adequately, I would have no problem with it, but they spend so much of their time doing remedial work and sitting in the classroom board and idle waiting for other kids to finish. And this was before the pandemic.

Hmm, I had this same experience coming from a public to an elite school. My public was super crappy though and I don't know that the ones around here are as bad.

However, I was able to catch up Freshman year. I went to the writing center for help, I retook calc, and had a tutor this time to actually learn it. I went to office hours, which professors tend to love. It was extra work and I had to be self motivated but it was also very doable as long as you are willing to put the work in.

I ended up graduating with a 3.92 GPA so in the end it wasn't that bad.

I don't think it's worth 50k a year + just to spare your kid this extra work freshman year if you don't have that kind of money.

I worked very hard but it was almost impossible to make up for that (it comes down to the fact you are probably smarter than me), and these are my kids so I suspect they are about as dumb as me!

One key thing was I was too embarrassed to go to office hours and waste my professors time because I felt so profoundly behind. I felt it was fine if you had a specific question, but if they had to re-teach the lesson they would figure out I didn’t belong. This may have been imposter syndrome or true incompetence, leave it as exercise for the reader.

I did a technical major and had some successes, but in the end my grades were lackluster.

PP here. I did it for both. Especially after I realized how much these people love it and will favor you for special programs or awards. I asked my econ professor one question that he said he had never considered before and it ended up with him recommending me for a full scholarship for an MBA (which I very stupidly didn't take). I once wrote a whole paper on the wrong topic but the professor knew me from office hours and said he was so impressed by it that he gave me full marks anyway, lol. I had another professor who said she'd edit papers for you if you submitted them early, probably something she'd offer because no one ever did. Well I did and she was a tough grader so I kept submitting. I think she eventually gave me an A just to get rid of me, lol. I ended up getting an award from the department and I don't think it's because I was the best student. But I was probably one of the harder working ones.

My point is, what I learned from all that, is that people really like it when you show a genuine interest in their work, when they can see that you are trying hard, and they are more likely to reward people they know then people they don't. Perseverance and effort pay off.

This is a funny story but to me it is depressing that it underlines how much success in life is determined by personal connections. It’s who you know, you it what you know.

Omg. I did not get that from the PP’s story at all! PP just was persistent and hard working. Those weren’t “connections”! Connections are Daddy’s law partner knows the CEO at CNN and got you the entry level job. This is not that. Don’t confuse hard work and determination for privilege Well earned PPP!
You are the type of person I hope my kid turns out to be, lots of grit. Love your story.

Did you read the part where the Econ professor got her a scholarship to an mba program just because she asked a supposedly interesting question? That’s weird.

It's really not. Professors who have been teaching the same subject probably don't encounter that many kids who really challenge them to think about something new. One of my law school professors noted in a clerkship recommendation that I asked him a civil procedure question he had never contemplated. A mathematics professor in undergrad went out of the way to show the class when I solved a problem in a way he had never seen. In neither case was I the best student in the class, but both professors found the new approaches notable and recommended me based on it.

Professor thought she was cute. Saw this all the time.

I sat in class, bored out of my mind in all the AP classes in my high performing suburban high school. I didn’t experience academic challenge in the classroom until college. So if you can find a private school that saves kids from that, it saves them from wasting years of their lives not learning anything interesting.

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Anonymous wrote:I am choosing private because I went to an elite college, and the students from good privates did much better and had an easier time at college than me, largely because of my lackluster secondary education.

If I felt public was preparing them adequately, I would have no problem with it, but they spend so much of their time doing remedial work and sitting in the classroom board and idle waiting for other kids to finish. And this was before the pandemic.

Hmm, I had this same experience coming from a public to an elite school. My public was super crappy though and I don't know that the ones around here are as bad.

However, I was able to catch up Freshman year. I went to the writing center for help, I retook calc, and had a tutor this time to actually learn it. I went to office hours, which professors tend to love. It was extra work and I had to be self motivated but it was also very doable as long as you are willing to put the work in.

I ended up graduating with a 3.92 GPA so in the end it wasn't that bad.

I don't think it's worth 50k a year + just to spare your kid this extra work freshman year if you don't have that kind of money.

I worked very hard but it was almost impossible to make up for that (it comes down to the fact you are probably smarter than me), and these are my kids so I suspect they are about as dumb as me!

One key thing was I was too embarrassed to go to office hours and waste my professors time because I felt so profoundly behind. I felt it was fine if you had a specific question, but if they had to re-teach the lesson they would figure out I didn’t belong. This may have been imposter syndrome or true incompetence, leave it as exercise for the reader.

I did a technical major and had some successes, but in the end my grades were lackluster.

PP here. I did it for both. Especially after I realized how much these people love it and will favor you for special programs or awards. I asked my econ professor one question that he said he had never considered before and it ended up with him recommending me for a full scholarship for an MBA (which I very stupidly didn't take). I once wrote a whole paper on the wrong topic but the professor knew me from office hours and said he was so impressed by it that he gave me full marks anyway, lol. I had another professor who said she'd edit papers for you if you submitted them early, probably something she'd offer because no one ever did. Well I did and she was a tough grader so I kept submitting. I think she eventually gave me an A just to get rid of me, lol. I ended up getting an award from the department and I don't think it's because I was the best student. But I was probably one of the harder working ones.

My point is, what I learned from all that, is that people really like it when you show a genuine interest in their work, when they can see that you are trying hard, and they are more likely to reward people they know then people they don't. Perseverance and effort pay off.

This is a funny story but to me it is depressing that it underlines how much success in life is determined by personal connections. It’s who you know, you it what you know.

Omg. I did not get that from the PP’s story at all! PP just was persistent and hard working. Those weren’t “connections”! Connections are Daddy’s law partner knows the CEO at CNN and got you the entry level job. This is not that. Don’t confuse hard work and determination for privilege Well earned PPP!
You are the type of person I hope my kid turns out to be, lots of grit. Love your story.

Did you read the part where the Econ professor got her a scholarship to an mba program just because she asked a supposedly interesting question? That’s weird.

It's really not. Professors who have been teaching the same subject probably don't encounter that many kids who really challenge them to think about something new. One of my law school professors noted in a clerkship recommendation that I asked him a civil procedure question he had never contemplated. A mathematics professor in undergrad went out of the way to show the class when I solved a problem in a way he had never seen. In neither case was I the best student in the class, but both professors found the new approaches notable and recommended me based on it.

Look, to me it's pretty simple. If you can afford it without stretching, go for it. There are worse things to spend your money on.

But you really have to have a lot of money not to stretch for it. The top privates in this area costs more than 50k in after tax dollars, so you're having to gross, what, 75k per year per kid for that? When I was a partner in Biglaw I knew many partners who were spending $150k-$200k a year in after tax dollars for literally decades to educate their families from K through college. Quite literally millions of dollars in pre-tax earnings. That's a stretch even for wealthy people. Yes, in the end this resulted in more frequent admissions to top private colleges (not always Ivy, though), but adulthood really is the great equalizer. We went the public school and state college route, and as a result I was able to retire 15 years early. On top of that, the younger children of the partners I used to work with now reach out to my highly successful kids to network in the same fields.

To each her own, of course, but you'll never convince me that private school is the smart choice for anyone but the super wealthy, especially if you live in a strong public school district.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am choosing private because I went to an elite college, and the students from good privates did much better and had an easier time at college than me, largely because of my lackluster secondary education.

If I felt public was preparing them adequately, I would have no problem with it, but they spend so much of their time doing remedial work and sitting in the classroom board and idle waiting for other kids to finish. And this was before the pandemic.

You are the definition of a social climber. Such a generalization. Shame on you,

And it's "bored." Not "board." So maybe it your particular case the education really was lackluster.

NP Your response to the previous post is bizarre. Even if I admit there is something such as a "social climber", I would assume that meant moving into "social" spheres you were not born into. That has nothing to do with noting that some high schools are better preparing their students for college.
Are you sure you have the right phrase?

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your child was looking for a school where he/she would be happy and have a great high school experiences. Sounds like you were looking for "elite school" bragging rights. Get over that. It's certainly up to you whether you want to spend the money at any private school, but the best outcomes in terms of college and such generally occur when the student is at or near the top of the class regardless of whether that's public, Sidwell, or a "lesser private".

OP here. Our concerns were more that this particular child needed thr rigor and structure of an elite same sex school to push them to work harder and smarter. After languishing in online DL in a public for a year and a half, my bright kid has developed bad habits from being confined inside to a computer all day and night. We were looking for the structure, rigor and the competitive kick in the pants. The not so competitive school is going to be more fun and a better overall high school experience and we love that but worried that it will not have the rigor and structure kid needs emerging from the pandemic. Our other kid has already been in a sane sex private and it has done wonders for her. Miles better than our public experience and now other kid won’t get sane experience. So wondering, does it matter?

We don’t necessarily want kid to go to an Ivy. But all of this did get me thinking about what any of this means and if it really gets you anywhere in life. Some parents on this board act like getting into these schools is literal life or death. I know why we wanted the school but I want to know why they feel that way. I admit judging. Just curios. What is the thought process? What am I missing?

Parents send their kids to private schools for different reasons. Most don’t think it’s life or death or because it gets you into a better college. Some do. For us, we wanted our kids to have smaller classes, a focus on writing, more discussions and less “teaching to the tests.”

This is correct. We’re not doing it for college, as our kids college prospects would probably actually be better coming from a less connected cohort. But I had a terrible experience in a “great” public school and wanted a very different environment for my kids, and that’s what we’ve gotten. No regrets.