Op your brothers relationship with your mother is his business. It is not up to you to feel like you have to keep your mother socially engaged. Your mother believe it or not can also manage her own social life.

See your mother how often you choose to. Your brother is not lying to his wife, she would be well aware of the situation.

It is not up to you to decide how other people spend their time. If you have decided to give your social life to your mother, that is your choice, don't blame your brother for that.

Anonymous wrote:OP - has your mom complained to you about this directly and asked for your help or is this just your personal observation?

i want to know why OP has not come back to answer this question - it makes a big difference.

Anonymous wrote:OPs brother is entitled to keep his distance from his mom.
OP is entitled to keep her distance from her brother and family.

Both are true.

Yes, and the only one disputing a truth? OP. She needs to get a life and leave her brother to his own life and choices.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he wanted to be around her, he would. He doesn’t want to.
Why is not relevant or any of your business.

Because I have a husband, children and a career too and I shouldn't have to help and entertain our mother 100% of the time. He does nothing. And it's also ridiculously rude to my mother to treat her like dirt and his mother and father in law like royalty.

I’m sorry what? She’s your mom not your child. You don’t have to entertain her nonstop. Is she 90 and house bound? She needs to find friends and a purpose

OPs brother is entitled to keep his distance from his mom.
OP is entitled to keep her distance from her brother and family.

Both are true.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he wanted to be around her, he would. He doesn’t want to.
Why is not relevant or any of your business.

Because I have a husband, children and a career too and I shouldn't have to help and entertain our mother 100% of the time. He does nothing. And it's also ridiculously rude to my mother to treat her like dirt and his mother and father in law like royalty.

Lady! It’s not your job to entertain your mother 100% of the time! Your perspective is all out of wack. Your mother needs to find fulfillment in her life. She has agency. She is not your child. Step back, OP.

First, kudos OP for not falling down the easy rabbit hole of blaming the wife for your brother’s choices. Internet gold star.

Next, what is this “100%” of what your mother needs that you are doing? I gather she’s not elderly or infirm because you mentioned she would babysit if asked— so do you mean 100% of social/interpersonal needs? If so, you need to realize your mother is/was responsible for building a life for herself outside her children, and that children are not obligated to be their parents sole social life. If she has recurring medical needs, though, you should just say “hey bro— mom has her scan on this date and this date and this date and I can only make the first one, what should we do about the other two?”

Lastly..you say your brother wants you to “act fake”. Is this something he has asked or an impression/pressure you’re feeling? If it’s the latter you can’t blame him until you talk to him about it because he may be wholly unaware.

Actually lastly (sorry) you blew off another poster suggesting there may be something in their history leading him to act this way. Do not blow off their possibility. Many, many MANY people have found out things about parents/relatives that their siblings knew and they did not.

OP - has your mom complained to you about this directly and asked for your help or is this just your personal observation?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he wanted to be around her, he would. He doesn’t want to.
Why is not relevant or any of your business.

Because I have a husband, children and a career too and I shouldn't have to help and entertain our mother 100% of the time. He does nothing. And it's also ridiculously rude to my mother to treat her like dirt and his mother and father in law like royalty.

Technically, you don't HAVE to do any of this. You choose to do it.

Anonymous wrote:Team OP. Brother is a jerk.

OP are you sockpuppeting?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he wanted to be around her, he would. He doesn’t want to.
Why is not relevant or any of your business.

Because I have a husband, children and a career too and I shouldn't have to help and entertain our mother 100% of the time. He does nothing. And it's also ridiculously rude to my mother to treat her like dirt and his mother and father in law like royalty.

You’ll never get it.

Ok, it’s rude to treat her that way, so now what? Again, you can’t force a relationship between 2 people, but you don’t seem to grasp that.

Team OP. Brother is a jerk.

Anonymous wrote:She needs to speak up. If she wants to babysit- offer.

I would never ask someone to babysit, but my family offers nonstop. So I let them babysit whenever they want. In-laws have never offered and expect us to ask. I’m never going to beg unless I was desperate. It’s not in our personality to ask for help or babysitting- we pay.

+1

MIL would read the paper and ignore the infant/toddler the once or twice we asked, and MIL also expected us to leave the house, when all we really needed was sleep. MIL's terms, no matter what. Meanwhile, she was babysitting for SIL and staying at their house 1-2 weeks while SIL vacationed, more than once. Total BS. Don't say we shouldn't have feelings, because we do.

Anonymous wrote:If he wanted to be around her, he would. He doesn’t want to.
Why is not relevant or any of your business.

+1

Anonymous wrote:I'm sure stuff went down between OP's brother and their mom that she either is not telling us or is not aware of. Mind your own business, OP. This is NOT your business, it's between your brother and your mom. If she wants to spend more time with him, then she needs to speak up. You sound meddlesome and awful.

+1

Something definitely happened.