Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:for my DW to wear lingerie more than 1x per year, and leave the lights on so I can actually enjoy the visual of her how unbelievably hot and sexy she looks (and is). and yes, I've told her this (the compliment) repeatedly over the years and after 3 kids.

Lingerie feels so silly. Does your wife even feel sexy in it? It’s not going to have the effect that you’d like. I imagine you’d like her to wear it and feel good in it. If she doesn’t like it and doesn’t think she looks good in it (lights off), even if she puts it on isn’t not like she will strut around the room in it. My DH asks for this sometimes too - but with more of a dance/-act with it. I don’t do it, because I feel ridiculous. I’m not a stripper for a reason. It feels so humiliating to me.

she has 2 drawers full of different lingerie that mostly she has bought herself over 23+ years together. she packs it when we go on vacation too.

If she has it in the drawers, but isn’t wearing it, then she doesn’t like wearing it any more. Women’s bodies change after childbirth. It can be hard to feel confident. If she wears it, but not for you, then she doesn’t want to have sex with you when she’s wearing it. Wearing sexy under clothes and intentionally undressing in another room is her trying to hide so you don’t initiate and paw at her.

nope. we shower together, are regularly in the hot tub naked together. neither of us cover up in front of each of other while dressing, etc. again, 23+ years together, raised 3 kids, still have a great sex life.

That’s really great. Does she still have a good body? Does she have flaws like sagging boobs or belly and do you still
find her sexy anyways?

I tell her regularly how sexy she is to me, and I literally still can't keep my hands off of her. Don't get me wrong, our sex life is really good and she still does things to keep me attracted to her, as I do the same. No, our bodies aren't as taut as they were when we were in our 20s. Her 34d boobs are still amazing (she had them done after our 3rd kid), and she maintains her weight and her looks, skin, hair, etc.. I work out regularly (running, elliptical, free weights) and am certainly not carrying around a dad bod (even though I'm 51 years old) and I'm just about the same weight as I was when I graduated college nearly 30 years ago.

She is an amazing woman, mom and wife all wrapped up in one being and I wouldn't want her to change any part of herself, not even for a moment. The question was a simple one though- what would I like my partner to do - and I'd just like her to dress up b/c she drives me absolutely insane in some of her lingerie (and she knows it).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:for my DW to wear lingerie more than 1x per year, and leave the lights on so I can actually enjoy the visual of her how unbelievably hot and sexy she looks (and is). and yes, I've told her this (the compliment) repeatedly over the years and after 3 kids.

Lingerie feels so silly. Does your wife even feel sexy in it? It’s not going to have the effect that you’d like. I imagine you’d like her to wear it and feel good in it. If she doesn’t like it and doesn’t think she looks good in it (lights off), even if she puts it on isn’t not like she will strut around the room in it. My DH asks for this sometimes too - but with more of a dance/-act with it. I don’t do it, because I feel ridiculous. I’m not a stripper for a reason. It feels so humiliating to me.

she has 2 drawers full of different lingerie that mostly she has bought herself over 23+ years together. she packs it when we go on vacation too.

She wears it for her AP once you leave the house for work.

I know you're trying to be funny, but no, she's not cheating

Dead serious. Ask my ex wife about it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:for my DW to wear lingerie more than 1x per year, and leave the lights on so I can actually enjoy the visual of her how unbelievably hot and sexy she looks (and is). and yes, I've told her this (the compliment) repeatedly over the years and after 3 kids.

Lingerie feels so silly. Does your wife even feel sexy in it? It’s not going to have the effect that you’d like. I imagine you’d like her to wear it and feel good in it. If she doesn’t like it and doesn’t think she looks good in it (lights off), even if she puts it on isn’t not like she will strut around the room in it. My DH asks for this sometimes too - but with more of a dance/-act with it. I don’t do it, because I feel ridiculous. I’m not a stripper for a reason. It feels so humiliating to me.

she has 2 drawers full of different lingerie that mostly she has bought herself over 23+ years together. she packs it when we go on vacation too.

If she has it in the drawers, but isn’t wearing it, then she doesn’t like wearing it any more. Women’s bodies change after childbirth. It can be hard to feel confident. If she wears it, but not for you, then she doesn’t want to have sex with you when she’s wearing it. Wearing sexy under clothes and intentionally undressing in another room is her trying to hide so you don’t initiate and paw at her.

nope. we shower together, are regularly in the hot tub naked together. neither of us cover up in front of each of other while dressing, etc. again, 23+ years together, raised 3 kids, still have a great sex life.

That’s really great. Does she still have a good body? Does she have flaws like sagging boobs or belly and do you still
find her sexy anyways?

Obviously he does! What are you 12? His body probably sags somewhere. And guess what? Sometime in your mid-40s your Johnson is going to stop working as well as it did. Thats something that people here don't talk about, but it will.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:for my DW to wear lingerie more than 1x per year, and leave the lights on so I can actually enjoy the visual of her how unbelievably hot and sexy she looks (and is). and yes, I've told her this (the compliment) repeatedly over the years and after 3 kids.

Lingerie feels so silly. Does your wife even feel sexy in it? It’s not going to have the effect that you’d like. I imagine you’d like her to wear it and feel good in it. If she doesn’t like it and doesn’t think she looks good in it (lights off), even if she puts it on isn’t not like she will strut around the room in it. My DH asks for this sometimes too - but with more of a dance/-act with it. I don’t do it, because I feel ridiculous. I’m not a stripper for a reason. It feels so humiliating to me.

she has 2 drawers full of different lingerie that mostly she has bought herself over 23+ years together. she packs it when we go on vacation too.

If she has it in the drawers, but isn’t wearing it, then she doesn’t like wearing it any more. Women’s bodies change after childbirth. It can be hard to feel confident. If she wears it, but not for you, then she doesn’t want to have sex with you when she’s wearing it. Wearing sexy under clothes and intentionally undressing in another room is her trying to hide so you don’t initiate and paw at her.

nope. we shower together, are regularly in the hot tub naked together. neither of us cover up in front of each of other while dressing, etc. again, 23+ years together, raised 3 kids, still have a great sex life.

That’s really great. Does she still have a good body? Does she have flaws like sagging boobs or belly and do you still
find her sexy anyways?

I wish she would relax and enjoy some prolonged foreplay. I have no complaints about our frequency of sex and admit I have it very good. But she just want to get right to it all the time while I prefer an extended time of playing around, or just pleasing her.

Let me have a side chick so I don’t bother her for sex anymore.

Anonymous wrote:Before I start, let me say that her drive, what she’s accomplished in life and the amount of things she gets done on a regular basis are all impressive and I have a ton of respect for her.

With that said, I would like her to maybe say one positive thing to me and our son per day. Every interaction doesn’t need to be “constructive feedback”. I’d ask that she approaches daily situations with an appropriate level of intensity - not every daily event needs to be turned up to 11. Its stressful and not good for our marriage or our son.

Make sure that you tell her the first part often! Balance out your own feedback on the second part.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:for my DW to wear lingerie more than 1x per year, and leave the lights on so I can actually enjoy the visual of her how unbelievably hot and sexy she looks (and is). and yes, I've told her this (the compliment) repeatedly over the years and after 3 kids.

Lingerie feels so silly. Does your wife even feel sexy in it? It’s not going to have the effect that you’d like. I imagine you’d like her to wear it and feel good in it. If she doesn’t like it and doesn’t think she looks good in it (lights off), even if she puts it on isn’t not like she will strut around the room in it. My DH asks for this sometimes too - but with more of a dance/-act with it. I don’t do it, because I feel ridiculous. I’m not a stripper for a reason. It feels so humiliating to me.

This is the crux of so many problems in marriages related on DCUM. One spouse used to do one thing and as they age, they stop doing that one thing and don't replace it with another. I appreciate that as a woman ages, she may not feel as comfortable in lingerie as she did in the past. I think most men would think that's fine, so long as she does something else to demonstrate her interest.

Likewise, a man in the beginning of his career probably had a lot less on his plate and lot less stress, meaning that he could spend that bandwidth on pleasing his wife. As job responsibilities and others mount, his bandwidth shrinks. If he doesn't replace those things he used to do with someone else, the DW is going to become unhappy.

Too many people on DCUM think the bait and switch of doing something in the past, stopping it and then not replacing it is fair to the other spouse. It's not.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dress up! Sexcretary!

Seriously?!?! I’d feel like an idiot doing this. I thought this was only something in porn. Do real couples do this?

I do this all the time. DH works from home and I am a SAHM, I love surprising him in his office.

Awesome that you found what works for him - and for you. That seems like a unicorn on these boards

Thanks. The first time he saw me I was wearing a pencil skirt, white fitted button down and 4” heels. The nostalgia plays a big role in it as well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:for my DW to wear lingerie more than 1x per year, and leave the lights on so I can actually enjoy the visual of her how unbelievably hot and sexy she looks (and is). and yes, I've told her this (the compliment) repeatedly over the years and after 3 kids.

Lingerie feels so silly. Does your wife even feel sexy in it? It’s not going to have the effect that you’d like. I imagine you’d like her to wear it and feel good in it. If she doesn’t like it and doesn’t think she looks good in it (lights off), even if she puts it on isn’t not like she will strut around the room in it. My DH asks for this sometimes too - but with more of a dance/-act with it. I don’t do it, because I feel ridiculous. I’m not a stripper for a reason. It feels so humiliating to me.

she has 2 drawers full of different lingerie that mostly she has bought herself over 23+ years together. she packs it when we go on vacation too.

She wears it for her AP once you leave the house for work.

I know you're trying to be funny, but no, she's not cheating

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:for my DW to wear lingerie more than 1x per year, and leave the lights on so I can actually enjoy the visual of her how unbelievably hot and sexy she looks (and is). and yes, I've told her this (the compliment) repeatedly over the years and after 3 kids.

Lingerie feels so silly. Does your wife even feel sexy in it? It’s not going to have the effect that you’d like. I imagine you’d like her to wear it and feel good in it. If she doesn’t like it and doesn’t think she looks good in it (lights off), even if she puts it on isn’t not like she will strut around the room in it. My DH asks for this sometimes too - but with more of a dance/-act with it. I don’t do it, because I feel ridiculous. I’m not a stripper for a reason. It feels so humiliating to me.

she has 2 drawers full of different lingerie that mostly she has bought herself over 23+ years together. she packs it when we go on vacation too.

If she has it in the drawers, but isn’t wearing it, then she doesn’t like wearing it any more. Women’s bodies change after childbirth. It can be hard to feel confident. If she wears it, but not for you, then she doesn’t want to have sex with you when she’s wearing it. Wearing sexy under clothes and intentionally undressing in another room is her trying to hide so you don’t initiate and paw at her.

nope. we shower together, are regularly in the hot tub naked together. neither of us cover up in front of each of other while dressing, etc. again, 23+ years together, raised 3 kids, still have a great sex life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:for my DW to wear lingerie more than 1x per year, and leave the lights on so I can actually enjoy the visual of her how unbelievably hot and sexy she looks (and is). and yes, I've told her this (the compliment) repeatedly over the years and after 3 kids.

Lingerie feels so silly. Does your wife even feel sexy in it? It’s not going to have the effect that you’d like. I imagine you’d like her to wear it and feel good in it. If she doesn’t like it and doesn’t think she looks good in it (lights off), even if she puts it on isn’t not like she will strut around the room in it. My DH asks for this sometimes too - but with more of a dance/-act with it. I don’t do it, because I feel ridiculous. I’m not a stripper for a reason. It feels so humiliating to me.

she has 2 drawers full of different lingerie that mostly she has bought herself over 23+ years together. she packs it when we go on vacation too.

She wears it for her AP once you leave the house for work.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dress up! Sexcretary!

Seriously?!?! I’d feel like an idiot doing this. I thought this was only something in porn. Do real couples do this?

I do this all the time. DH works from home and I am a SAHM, I love surprising him in his office.

Awesome that you found what works for him - and for you. That seems like a unicorn on these boards

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dress up! Sexcretary!

Seriously?!?! I’d feel like an idiot doing this. I thought this was only something in porn. Do real couples do this?

I do this all the time. DH works from home and I am a SAHM, I love surprising him in his office.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dress up! Sexcretary!

Seriously?!?! I’d feel like an idiot doing this. I thought this was only something in porn. Do real couples do this?

Yes.

Why would someone select this emoji to describe a feeling? Confused.

This is the emoji of sexual innuendo. I dislike it and tried to reject it, but it's the commonly accepted meaning.