There are a lot of parents that lie. I was watching an interview of one of the less well known kids caught up in the cheating scandal. He said his parents told all his friends that he did all the work to get into Yale himself. While most parents don’t have the money to bribe like these folks many parents lie about SAT and GPA or initiative. While that was obviously wrong, it’s not unethical to lead your kid to the water.

My smart kid was not interested in researching colleges. She wanted only ONE school and that’s probably where she will end up but it would have been foolish to have had her apply only to the ONE school.

What I did was ask her questions like do you want warm or cold weather etc? Do you want a big or small school? What’s else is important to you? I found schools in our budget that matched her desires. I told her to apply to 8 of these schools. Other than favorite she chose ones that generally required less extra effort. I did all the administrative paperwork filled in her grades SRAR etc and sent her emails with Essay prompts. I bugged her daily last August to get them in. Essays prompt responses were completely hers but I inputted them into the portal. She had a 34 ACT and 3.79 GPA UW.

Isn't it all kind of a guess in the end, anyway? I visited and knew people who attended the smaller college that I attended, but the school quickly felt too small / too much like high school to me. It's not like I hadn't visited beforehand or didn't know how large it was. Also, so many other unknown factors come into play -- who your roommates are (unless you're rooming with someone you know), who the people on your floor are, what your classes and professors are like, whether the classes will feel like too much work or incomprehensible. Can you ever really know this until you jump into it?

We spent a TON of time, and some money, visiting 21 schools between sophomore and senior years. That is because I have one kid, and she was into it.

Obviously that is not an option at this point (at least with formal tours, dorm visits, presentations, etc). Not sure that it was worth all of the time we put into it. But it helped us narrow our list from 21 to 7.

There are threads somewhere on this forum that focus on which schools did the posters eliminate AFTER their campus visits. Not sure if they would be helpful?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For our high school junior son, we started with a sense of what's important for him. This is a parental perspective, to be honest he's not particularly focused on it. We then researched the hell out of schools to determine those that are a good fit. Sources of research: college website, U.S. News, Reddit, College Confidential, DCUM, Princeton Review, Common Data Set, etc. You'll have to use judgment for which information is relevant and truly reflective of the college. We hope to get some visits in, but we're not sure we'll be able to do as much as we would have liked.

After all this, we have a pecking order of 10 schools we like for him. He's trusting us on this process. He likely will apply Early Action to the top two of them (hoping to visit both in the months ahead). If he's accepted to either, we're done. Admittedly, we're not concerned about financial aid, which helps expedite things.

So it sounds like you are doing it for him and will end up choosing for him. Has he said "what's important for him"? Not trying to be snarky here, as it's the boat I'll likely be in (I posted above about my HS junior). I am torn between doing all the leg work and applying or letting him graduate, realize he has no plan and that his friends have moved on (hopefully...), and then think about what kind of plan and school he really wants.

PP here. No, he really hasn't said what is important to him. If he did, it'd be wonderful. We'd take that and it would inform the research being done. I see other posts here saying the kid should be doing more. Nice sentiment, but not always applicable. If the kid doesn't take the reins in this process, the argument is he's not ready for college? I don't buy that.

Also, you've been with your kid for 17 years now. As a parent, do you really not have any clue what is important to your kid? If my kid expressed preferences, those would guide things. But if not, posters here shouldn't act like parents don't know their own kid.

I'm not so sure of this. Speaking for my own DC, I think he'll be "academically" ready for college (taking 5 AP classes junior year), but I don't know that he'll be motivated to succeed or mature enough. He is very intelligent but not the typical DCUM gunner/striver driven by grades or the thought of top colleges. And no, I have no idea what is important for him in terms of a college, and neither does he. He "may" want to do study engineering. He enjoys playing sports, but I don't think he'll play them in college, and he likes hanging out with his friends. That's about it!

DP: Our kids sound a lot alike!

Anonymous wrote:For our high school junior son, we started with a sense of what's important for him. This is a parental perspective, to be honest he's not particularly focused on it. We then researched the hell out of schools to determine those that are a good fit. Sources of research: college website, U.S. News, Reddit, College Confidential, DCUM, Princeton Review, Common Data Set, etc. You'll have to use judgment for which information is relevant and truly reflective of the college. We hope to get some visits in, but we're not sure we'll be able to do as much as we would have liked.

After all this, we have a pecking order of 10 schools we like for him. He's trusting us on this process. He likely will apply Early Action to the top two of them (hoping to visit both in the months ahead). If he's accepted to either, we're done. Admittedly, we're not concerned about financial aid, which helps expedite things.

Agree they simply do not know enough about college to do this entirely on their own.

We started by going through the lists at the beginning of one of the guide books with DS: Schools with best professors? Schools where students work the hardest? Schools where students party the hardest? Etc. It gave him a sense of what is and is not important to him in a college. We talked about geography, cost, campus location and feel, the huge variety in sizes of schools and what that means for getting classes, student life, etc. That was very helpful in framing the rest of the process. It also helped him to talk it through with us so we could share our experiences on how much certain issues matter.

His next step was to looks at schools ranked for undergrad in his area of interest. Then he added to that list from Naviance based on schools popular with his high school and compared stats to see what would work. That got him to a longish list that we sorted into likely, match, reach. Then he started with the likely list to look at virtual tours, web materials, books, etc. He finally eliminated a few broad categories (e.g. very big state schools), and that helped a lot. The list is still too long, but we are getting somewhere. I'm hoping that by the time he is focusing on the reach schools, he will have a sense of what matters to him, so he won't be starry eyed about reputation and rank and will be more focused on fit. Really hoping to get to visit schools in Spring and Summer.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For our high school junior son, we started with a sense of what's important for him. This is a parental perspective, to be honest he's not particularly focused on it. We then researched the hell out of schools to determine those that are a good fit. Sources of research: college website, U.S. News, Reddit, College Confidential, DCUM, Princeton Review, Common Data Set, etc. You'll have to use judgment for which information is relevant and truly reflective of the college. We hope to get some visits in, but we're not sure we'll be able to do as much as we would have liked.

After all this, we have a pecking order of 10 schools we like for him. He's trusting us on this process. He likely will apply Early Action to the top two of them (hoping to visit both in the months ahead). If he's accepted to either, we're done. Admittedly, we're not concerned about financial aid, which helps expedite things.

So it sounds like you are doing it for him and will end up choosing for him. Has he said "what's important for him"? Not trying to be snarky here, as it's the boat I'll likely be in (I posted above about my HS junior). I am torn between doing all the leg work and applying or letting him graduate, realize he has no plan and that his friends have moved on (hopefully...), and then think about what kind of plan and school he really wants.

PP here. No, he really hasn't said what is important to him. If he did, it'd be wonderful. We'd take that and it would inform the research being done. I see other posts here saying the kid should be doing more. Nice sentiment, but not always applicable. If the kid doesn't take the reins in this process, the argument is he's not ready for college? I don't buy that.

Also, you've been with your kid for 17 years now. As a parent, do you really not have any clue what is important to your kid? If my kid expressed preferences, those would guide things. But if not, posters here shouldn't act like parents don't know their own kid.

I'm not so sure of this. Speaking for my own DC, I think he'll be "academically" ready for college (taking 5 AP classes junior year), but I don't know that he'll be motivated to succeed or mature enough. He is very intelligent but not the typical DCUM gunner/striver driven by grades or the thought of top colleges. And no, I have no idea what is important for him in terms of a college, and neither does he. He "may" want to do study engineering. He enjoys playing sports, but I don't think he'll play them in college, and he likes hanging out with his friends. That's about it!

^^ Will add that he never seems to feel stress or any sense of urgency.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For our high school junior son, we started with a sense of what's important for him. This is a parental perspective, to be honest he's not particularly focused on it. We then researched the hell out of schools to determine those that are a good fit. Sources of research: college website, U.S. News, Reddit, College Confidential, DCUM, Princeton Review, Common Data Set, etc. You'll have to use judgment for which information is relevant and truly reflective of the college. We hope to get some visits in, but we're not sure we'll be able to do as much as we would have liked.

After all this, we have a pecking order of 10 schools we like for him. He's trusting us on this process. He likely will apply Early Action to the top two of them (hoping to visit both in the months ahead). If he's accepted to either, we're done. Admittedly, we're not concerned about financial aid, which helps expedite things.

So it sounds like you are doing it for him and will end up choosing for him. Has he said "what's important for him"? Not trying to be snarky here, as it's the boat I'll likely be in (I posted above about my HS junior). I am torn between doing all the leg work and applying or letting him graduate, realize he has no plan and that his friends have moved on (hopefully...), and then think about what kind of plan and school he really wants.

PP here. No, he really hasn't said what is important to him. If he did, it'd be wonderful. We'd take that and it would inform the research being done. I see other posts here saying the kid should be doing more. Nice sentiment, but not always applicable. If the kid doesn't take the reins in this process, the argument is he's not ready for college? I don't buy that.

Also, you've been with your kid for 17 years now. As a parent, do you really not have any clue what is important to your kid? If my kid expressed preferences, those would guide things. But if not, posters here shouldn't act like parents don't know their own kid.

I'm not so sure of this. Speaking for my own DC, I think he'll be "academically" ready for college (taking 5 AP classes junior year), but I don't know that he'll be motivated to succeed or mature enough. He is very intelligent but not the typical DCUM gunner/striver driven by grades or the thought of top colleges. And no, I have no idea what is important for him in terms of a college, and neither does he. He "may" want to do study engineering. He enjoys playing sports, but I don't think he'll play them in college, and he likes hanging out with his friends. That's about it!

You can help your kids ID their preferences.

Let them close their eyes and describe what they see when they think of themselves in college?

By driving through random schools that were close by (GW, U of Delaware), our daughter figured out that she did not want an urban campus. She did not want a large state school. She wanted your "classic" traditional campus, with a quad that you crossed when you walked from your dorm to class.

Your kid may also read up on descriptions on sites like UNIGO. What reviews resonate with him/her?

This is self-exploration, and does not come naturally to many teens. Just suggest some activities and see what he agrees to. Otherwise, he will be really stressed as time goes on. Let him know that he will be happier if he weighs in on some of this.

You don't guess.

You do homework. First, help your child identify their preferences: size (big campus/classes, vs small with more individual attention?), location (rural/urban/suburban), major, social options (greek/clubs/sports), etc. Are you cost-constrained? (But bear in mind that the sticker price is often not the actual cost).

Once you know what your child's needs/preferences are..consult a book like Princeton Review's Best 386 colleges in America (to identify schools that match your kid's characteristics.) THEN, you can take Naviance/grades/scores into account. Then you can read what kids who are there say about the schools on your working list (Unigo, Niche).

So, there is homework involved. It is a big decision. Put the time in to help your child make it.

Every single response is saying the same thing over and over. I'm shocked OP couldn't figure this out when literally everyone else did.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For our high school junior son, we started with a sense of what's important for him. This is a parental perspective, to be honest he's not particularly focused on it. We then researched the hell out of schools to determine those that are a good fit. Sources of research: college website, U.S. News, Reddit, College Confidential, DCUM, Princeton Review, Common Data Set, etc. You'll have to use judgment for which information is relevant and truly reflective of the college. We hope to get some visits in, but we're not sure we'll be able to do as much as we would have liked.

After all this, we have a pecking order of 10 schools we like for him. He's trusting us on this process. He likely will apply Early Action to the top two of them (hoping to visit both in the months ahead). If he's accepted to either, we're done. Admittedly, we're not concerned about financial aid, which helps expedite things.

So it sounds like you are doing it for him and will end up choosing for him. Has he said "what's important for him"? Not trying to be snarky here, as it's the boat I'll likely be in (I posted above about my HS junior). I am torn between doing all the leg work and applying or letting him graduate, realize he has no plan and that his friends have moved on (hopefully...), and then think about what kind of plan and school he really wants.

PP here. No, he really hasn't said what is important to him. If he did, it'd be wonderful. We'd take that and it would inform the research being done. I see other posts here saying the kid should be doing more. Nice sentiment, but not always applicable. If the kid doesn't take the reins in this process, the argument is he's not ready for college? I don't buy that.

Also, you've been with your kid for 17 years now. As a parent, do you really not have any clue what is important to your kid? If my kid expressed preferences, those would guide things. But if not, posters here shouldn't act like parents don't know their own kid.

You are missing the fact that you and your child are responsible for this effort. Not anyone else. So many many ways to research schools. Try it!

OP, your kid has to own this process, first of all. What you can do is ask questions, some of been alluded to in the thread already.

Geography - how close to home? How close to mountains or beach? Weather?

Size - small like a LAC, medium, or large state flagship - there are pros and cons to each.

Setting: Urban, Rural, Suburban - this is all very much personal preference.

Once you get though these and the finances question, unless your kid really has no idea of anything, there will naturally be a list of like 20-25 schools that may check the boxes.

Example, once one rules out geography, there aren't that many big state flagships in the northeast, or not that many LAC near the beach in the south...you get the idea.

It's tough to find a balance between letting them lead the search and making sure the wheels are in motion. My daughter really wants to start by finding a place she likes that she will probably get into so she can be less stressed.

Based on her preferences we can find a place she'd like and get into BUT NOT one we can pay for or think is worth the $$$$!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, OP. You do it or hire someone to help. It's yet another job that will fall on me bc my DS or his dad don't seem interested in doing, so personally I've had thoughts that DS shouldn't even go to college unless/until he can put some effort into figuring it out on his own. My DS is a junior and goes to a larger private HS, but I haven't found it particularly helpful yet in this regard.

The lack of interest is not unusual, perhaps more common among boys and also especially common during covid times. Most typically come around, either by fall of senior year, or the following spring/summer even though that is late.

Thank you. Yes, hopefully next year will be better!