The best help we’ve had has been from people we’ve paid. You can do it yourself if you have the funds and are a generous employer.

Anonymous wrote:Family nearby doesn’t equal substantial help. My parents live 30 min away and all they did when my kid was born was bring over takeout and hold the baby for 15 min. My friends did more for me than that. And I don’t expect anything more. They give what they can abs that’s fine. They already raised 2 kids.

+1. My parents were mid 50’s when I had my first and they didn’t help that much. They love my kids and did the best they could, which I truly appreciate, but they aren’t very active and it was generally overwhelming for them.

I'm going to be a little harsher than some of the PPs who have alluded to this, in hopes of getting an experienced point across. You feel this way because of a DC mentality that simply does not exist elsewhere in the country. For example was any of your stress in the stomach virus situation related to perceptions about missing work? Do you already stress about what activities you're exposing your young children to? Do you have a hard time finding and suffering the bill for childcare? No family or friend proximity can fix these things. If you move, move for your own values and interests, and the ways you spend your spare time will help you feel less panicked. That's right, spare time.

Also when all kids are in elementary school, life becomes exponentially easier. This phase of feeling like extra hands would solve things also passes.

Speaking from experience on both accounts.

You need to set up either more time or more money available for when a crisis hits. By time, I mean reduce obligations overall on the weekends or evenings so you can 'catch up', or set up an emergency fund specifically for these types of situations - to hire extra help cleaning, get a few weeks of meal kits and/or takeout, or to hire a nanny service that offers occasional/short term nanny services. When you spend that money, work to replenish it once the crisis passes.

Having a network is great, but if you are in constant crisis you will burn out any network, be it friends or family.