Anonymous
Post 02/09/2021 13:01     Subject: SIL is really obtuse
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:SIL or BIL are not your business! They are your DH's. Get the memo that some OP screamed all over this forum.
Funny, many chimed in agreeing, yet here we are.


+1

There have been more SIL bashing threads than ever.

Add OP to the pile.


It's not bashing if the SIL is inconveniencing family to fly for a stupid reason like this.
Anonymous
Post 02/09/2021 12:55     Subject: SIL is really obtuse
Sounds like she is essentially saying her DH is his family’s problem.

Are they on the rocks? That might explain it.

I don’t agree but I can understand the logic if they are on the verge of divorce and he doesn’t listen to her.
Anonymous
Post 02/09/2021 12:54     Subject: SIL is really obtuse
Anonymous wrote:SIL or BIL are not your business! They are your DH's. Get the memo that some OP screamed all over this forum.
Funny, many chimed in agreeing, yet here we are.


+1

There have been more SIL bashing threads than ever.

Add OP to the pile.
Anonymous
Post 02/09/2021 12:53     Subject: Re:SIL is really obtuse
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If OP was a man, I don't think the responses here would be so against her. Women expect other women to help them with their battles but that's just too much obligation to take on.


I do r know about you, but I want a man that will help his family, because it reflects on how he will help our family. Life gets tough sometimes, and you should just suddenly age out of loving people.

Then again, I don't compete for love, either, like so many here seem to. I know he can love his family and me too, because love is like a magic penny.


I’m sure if it was a legitimate reason, OP wouldn’t be posting her. But alcohol abuse is a choice and OP’s husband cannot force the guy to be NOT an alcoholic. The expectation that he needs to fly in when the SIL has family nearby is bananas.


Alcohol abuse is a mental illness like all others. It’s often a result of self medicating other mental illnesses.
It’s his brother. Do you not hope family will help family in times of crisis?
Anonymous
Post 02/09/2021 12:50     Subject: SIL is really obtuse
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Maybe she doesn't want her side of the family to know the whole story behind her DH's addiction.


ITS HIS BROTHER.Her asking from help is completely from OPs DH is appropriate. Love the victim blaming because it’s a SIL.


Trust me, the family knows the whole story. If the BIL is in law enforcement like the OP said, they get the full picture.
Anonymous
Post 02/09/2021 12:49     Subject: Re:SIL is really obtuse
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If OP was a man, I don't think the responses here would be so against her. Women expect other women to help them with their battles but that's just too much obligation to take on.


I do r know about you, but I want a man that will help his family, because it reflects on how he will help our family. Life gets tough sometimes, and you should just suddenly age out of loving people.

Then again, I don't compete for love, either, like so many here seem to. I know he can love his family and me too, because love is like a magic penny.


I’m sure if it was a legitimate reason, OP wouldn’t be posting her. But alcohol abuse is a choice and OP’s husband cannot force the guy to be NOT an alcoholic. The expectation that he needs to fly in when the SIL has family nearby is bananas.
Anonymous
Post 02/09/2021 12:48     Subject: SIL is really obtuse
Anonymous wrote:Maybe she doesn't want her side of the family to know the whole story behind her DH's addiction.


ITS HIS BROTHER.Her asking from help is completely from OPs DH is appropriate. Love the victim blaming because it’s a SIL.
Anonymous
Post 02/09/2021 12:44     Subject: Re:SIL is really obtuse
Anonymous wrote:If OP was a man, I don't think the responses here would be so against her. Women expect other women to help them with their battles but that's just too much obligation to take on.


I do r know about you, but I want a man that will help his family, because it reflects on how he will help our family. Life gets tough sometimes, and you should just suddenly age out of loving people.

Then again, I don't compete for love, either, like so many here seem to. I know he can love his family and me too, because love is like a magic penny.
Anonymous
Post 02/09/2021 12:31     Subject: SIL is really obtuse
Maybe she doesn't want her side of the family to know the whole story behind her DH's addiction.
Anonymous
Post 02/09/2021 12:30     Subject: SIL is really obtuse
So much for dcum's wives letting their husband deal with their families.
That seems to be ok ONLY if husbands decide not to see, help, or communicate with their families.
Anonymous
Post 02/09/2021 12:25     Subject: SIL is really obtuse
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Yes, she’s making it awkward, but it’s also a his brother, who he likely cares about.she’s not inconveniencing anyone. She asking for help for dealing with YOUR HUSBANDS BROTHER. He needs help. Let your DH help.


Treatment has to be voluntary. People choose to be alcoholic and they can also choose to be sober.


Yes...why must the OP's husband come all the way there if the brother doesn't want to get sober? He can enter rehab on his own.
Anonymous
Post 02/09/2021 12:23     Subject: Re:SIL is really obtuse
If OP was a man, I don't think the responses here would be so against her. Women expect other women to help them with their battles but that's just too much obligation to take on.
Anonymous
Post 02/09/2021 01:30     Subject: Re:SIL is really obtuse
OP here with an update. DH called SIL to tell her he won’t be traveling and she’s too obtuse that he hung up on her. She’s been calling back and we have to mute text and call notifications from her. Super annoying but I’m glad I talked DH out of giving in to her absurd request.
Anonymous
Post 02/08/2021 22:13     Subject: SIL is really obtuse
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
When the traveler in question risks bringing the virus home, it absolutely becomes a joint decision!

The posters who said that it was solely the husband's choice are completely wrong in times of pandemic.

For us, there is no way we'd travel for that reason. We would let the SIL know that due to the pandemic, we cannot travel. End of story.



Pandemic or not a spouse can not dictate their spouse's movement.. OP can express her concerns, and they can sort or various scenarios based on various decisions, but she cannot make her DH stay home or decide for him, that's his choice.


Theoretically. I would be extremely forceful about my views on the subject. This is not a "whatever, honey" situation.





Totally agree. The pearl-clutching on this thread is astounding. There's theory and there's reality. Don't let other people drag you down, even if you're blood.
Anonymous
Post 02/08/2021 21:48     Subject: Re:SIL is really obtuse
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP again. SIL's DH is a narcissistic alcoholic who doesn't want to check himself in and she has been his enabler for years. She talks a lot about ending the marriage but is codependent and he manipulates her a lot. It's not like she didn't know who she was marrying. The affidavits would carry more weight from her sister and her sister's husband as they have dealt directly with SIL and DH's brother and know their problems first-hand (plus, the sister's husband is actual local law enforcement). My family of origin would know better than to involve me or DH in any problems. I don't know why people here get the impression that SIL's DH is going to die if his brother doesn't show up. That's NOT the case. He's probably just going to continue drinking. This isn't cancer or a true medical emergency. And SIL telling us that DH needs to spend time and money to get his brother sober is ridiculous on her part.


Wow. You have a lot to learn about alcoholism. It's absolutely deadly. And nothing here changes anything that anyone in this thread said.


Are you nuts? No one is forcing the guy to drink. What happened to personal responsibility?


The claim was that it's not deadly, not that someone is forcing him to drink. Yes, it is deadly. Yes, it can be a "true medical emergency."