Anonymous
02/08/2021 01:00
Subject: How do I tell DW that her weight is a problem?
Anonymous wrote:Is she overweight, or still in the healthy range? I am five eight. I used to weigh 125. I gained thirty pounds and now weigh 155. Would I like to lose? Sure, but I am not overweight and don’t need to lose weight.
If she is still in the healthy range, say nothing.
If she is just over the healthy range, say nothing.
I would only consider saying something if there is a true danger to her health.
Women in our society are aware when they are overweight. Most want to lose. They don’t need their husbands fat shaming them. Especially now, in the middle of a pandemic. I would imagine she is probably dealing with all sorts of stresses especially if you have kids or elderly parents to care for.
I’m sorry, what? I’m 5’7” and weigh 125 and if I gained 30lbs I would of course be fat. Just because it’s in the “range” of some medics chart as normal doesn’t mean you aren’t carrying around too much fat. If you were healthy 30lbs lighter then you are not healthy now unless you have gained 20lbs of muscle.
OP could make healthier grocery shopping. Take over a few dinner and make low cal stuff. Fix his wife lunches that are healthy and generally show he is into improving their lives. Is his DH likes to exercise the he should get her whatever gear she would use and ensure she has an hour per day to herself.
Anonymous
02/08/2021 01:00
Subject: How do I tell DW that her weight is a problem?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Am I the only woman who would want to know that I was repulsing DH?
Yep I’d love to know. Dh and I are in love. It would make me change things If I knew he was repulsed by my breath or weight or whatever. I’m not a sugar baby and don’t exist to please dh either. I’d tell him if something were an issue. We’ve been together 15 years too. I’d hate to find out the reason he didn’t want sex was something I could change.
Yes! This is a much better way of saying what I did above. I trust DH to be gentle with my feelings, but I do want to please him! If there’s something he would prefer, and I can fix it, I want him to tell me. I won’t melt! And if I thought his request was unreasonable, I feel safe enough to say so. Good spouses don’t expect spouses to look 25 forever, but it’s fair to ask them to take care of themselves.
Yes! Op doesn’t sound like a monster who is whining about small weight gain. I wish dh would tell me before our marriage falls apart or he wishes to divorce. My dh isn’t an ahole at all, but he was thrilled physically with my body when the baby weight was gone. He’d never said anything either. I wouldn’t be as nice though and wouldn’t be thrilled with a beer gut.
The answer is for OP to work on himself such that he doesn't let weight gain lead to divorce. There's nothing inevitable about it. He's choosing make his resentment her problem when it's 100% his. You make a lifelong commitment, not "until I don't think you're hot anymore."
OP needs to work on the relationship with his wife, not her weight. The weight is a symptom of something else.
Yes, it's from eating extra calories. Not everyone who is overweight has emotional problems.
Gosh. You ought to win a prize for your stellar insight. Yes, OP, forget about looking into why she overeats. See how well that works for your marriage.
You know nothing about OP's wife, yet you assume she's eating her feelings because of assumptions you've made about her relationship. You're projecting.
Ha! Hard to argue with a flat-earther type. Go ahead and ignore the emotional/mental component of the issue.
Anonymous
02/08/2021 00:48
Subject: How do I tell DW that her weight is a problem?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Am I the only woman who would want to know that I was repulsing DH?
Yep I’d love to know. Dh and I are in love. It would make me change things If I knew he was repulsed by my breath or weight or whatever. I’m not a sugar baby and don’t exist to please dh either. I’d tell him if something were an issue. We’ve been together 15 years too. I’d hate to find out the reason he didn’t want sex was something I could change.
Yes! This is a much better way of saying what I did above. I trust DH to be gentle with my feelings, but I do want to please him! If there’s something he would prefer, and I can fix it, I want him to tell me. I won’t melt! And if I thought his request was unreasonable, I feel safe enough to say so. Good spouses don’t expect spouses to look 25 forever, but it’s fair to ask them to take care of themselves.
Yes! Op doesn’t sound like a monster who is whining about small weight gain. I wish dh would tell me before our marriage falls apart or he wishes to divorce. My dh isn’t an ahole at all, but he was thrilled physically with my body when the baby weight was gone. He’d never said anything either. I wouldn’t be as nice though and wouldn’t be thrilled with a beer gut.
The answer is for OP to work on himself such that he doesn't let weight gain lead to divorce. There's nothing inevitable about it. He's choosing make his resentment her problem when it's 100% his. You make a lifelong commitment, not "until I don't think you're hot anymore."
OP needs to work on the relationship with his wife, not her weight. The weight is a symptom of something else.
Yes, it's from eating extra calories. Not everyone who is overweight has emotional problems.
Gosh. You ought to win a prize for your stellar insight. Yes, OP, forget about looking into why she overeats. See how well that works for your marriage.
You know nothing about OP's wife, yet you assume she's eating her feelings because of assumptions you've made about her relationship. You're projecting.
Anonymous
02/08/2021 00:14
Subject: How do I tell DW that her weight is a problem?
Maybe start by asking what you can do to help? She's probably thought about the situation some herself.
My DH said he wasn't happy with how I looked. I said, I'd love to do exercise classes but I spend all my time working and parenting during a pandemic, maybe you can take our kid for an hour a few times a week so I can work out? I can tell you that conversation would have been better if he was prepared to offer that or at least agree to it.
Maybe there is some thing that can help her feel supported, and that might be enough to get her on a different path, to know that someone is rooting for her and cares.
My DH said he wasn't happy with how I looked. I said, I'd love to do exercise classes but I spend all my time working and parenting during a pandemic, maybe you can take our kid for an hour a few times a week so I can work out? I can tell you that conversation would have been better if he was prepared to offer that or at least agree to it.
Maybe there is some thing that can help her feel supported, and that might be enough to get her on a different path, to know that someone is rooting for her and cares.
Anonymous
02/07/2021 23:27
Subject: How do I tell DW that her weight is a problem?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Am I the only woman who would want to know that I was repulsing DH?
Yep I’d love to know. Dh and I are in love. It would make me change things If I knew he was repulsed by my breath or weight or whatever. I’m not a sugar baby and don’t exist to please dh either. I’d tell him if something were an issue. We’ve been together 15 years too. I’d hate to find out the reason he didn’t want sex was something I could change.
Yes! This is a much better way of saying what I did above. I trust DH to be gentle with my feelings, but I do want to please him! If there’s something he would prefer, and I can fix it, I want him to tell me. I won’t melt! And if I thought his request was unreasonable, I feel safe enough to say so. Good spouses don’t expect spouses to look 25 forever, but it’s fair to ask them to take care of themselves.
Yes! Op doesn’t sound like a monster who is whining about small weight gain. I wish dh would tell me before our marriage falls apart or he wishes to divorce. My dh isn’t an ahole at all, but he was thrilled physically with my body when the baby weight was gone. He’d never said anything either. I wouldn’t be as nice though and wouldn’t be thrilled with a beer gut.
The answer is for OP to work on himself such that he doesn't let weight gain lead to divorce. There's nothing inevitable about it. He's choosing make his resentment her problem when it's 100% his. You make a lifelong commitment, not "until I don't think you're hot anymore."
OP needs to work on the relationship with his wife, not her weight. The weight is a symptom of something else.
Yes, it's from eating extra calories. Not everyone who is overweight has emotional problems.
Gosh. You ought to win a prize for your stellar insight. Yes, OP, forget about looking into why she overeats. See how well that works for your marriage.
Anonymous
02/07/2021 23:22
Subject: How do I tell DW that her weight is a problem?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Am I the only woman who would want to know that I was repulsing DH?
Yep I’d love to know. Dh and I are in love. It would make me change things If I knew he was repulsed by my breath or weight or whatever. I’m not a sugar baby and don’t exist to please dh either. I’d tell him if something were an issue. We’ve been together 15 years too. I’d hate to find out the reason he didn’t want sex was something I could change.
Yes! This is a much better way of saying what I did above. I trust DH to be gentle with my feelings, but I do want to please him! If there’s something he would prefer, and I can fix it, I want him to tell me. I won’t melt! And if I thought his request was unreasonable, I feel safe enough to say so. Good spouses don’t expect spouses to look 25 forever, but it’s fair to ask them to take care of themselves.
Yes! Op doesn’t sound like a monster who is whining about small weight gain. I wish dh would tell me before our marriage falls apart or he wishes to divorce. My dh isn’t an ahole at all, but he was thrilled physically with my body when the baby weight was gone. He’d never said anything either. I wouldn’t be as nice though and wouldn’t be thrilled with a beer gut.
The answer is for OP to work on himself such that he doesn't let weight gain lead to divorce. There's nothing inevitable about it. He's choosing make his resentment her problem when it's 100% his. You make a lifelong commitment, not "until I don't think you're hot anymore."
OP needs to work on the relationship with his wife, not her weight. The weight is a symptom of something else.
Yes, it's from eating extra calories. Not everyone who is overweight has emotional problems.
Anonymous
02/07/2021 23:13
Subject: How do I tell DW that her weight is a problem?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Am I the only woman who would want to know that I was repulsing DH?
Yep I’d love to know. Dh and I are in love. It would make me change things If I knew he was repulsed by my breath or weight or whatever. I’m not a sugar baby and don’t exist to please dh either. I’d tell him if something were an issue. We’ve been together 15 years too. I’d hate to find out the reason he didn’t want sex was something I could change.
Yes! This is a much better way of saying what I did above. I trust DH to be gentle with my feelings, but I do want to please him! If there’s something he would prefer, and I can fix it, I want him to tell me. I won’t melt! And if I thought his request was unreasonable, I feel safe enough to say so. Good spouses don’t expect spouses to look 25 forever, but it’s fair to ask them to take care of themselves.
Yes! Op doesn’t sound like a monster who is whining about small weight gain. I wish dh would tell me before our marriage falls apart or he wishes to divorce. My dh isn’t an ahole at all, but he was thrilled physically with my body when the baby weight was gone. He’d never said anything either. I wouldn’t be as nice though and wouldn’t be thrilled with a beer gut.
The answer is for OP to work on himself such that he doesn't let weight gain lead to divorce. There's nothing inevitable about it. He's choosing make his resentment her problem when it's 100% his. You make a lifelong commitment, not "until I don't think you're hot anymore."
OP needs to work on the relationship with his wife, not her weight. The weight is a symptom of something else.
Anonymous
02/07/2021 22:59
Subject: How do I tell DW that her weight is a problem?
Unless you are perfect, shut up. She knows. Be kind.
Anonymous
02/07/2021 22:56
Subject: How do I tell DW that her weight is a problem?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Am I the only woman who would want to know that I was repulsing DH?
Yep I’d love to know. Dh and I are in love. It would make me change things If I knew he was repulsed by my breath or weight or whatever. I’m not a sugar baby and don’t exist to please dh either. I’d tell him if something were an issue. We’ve been together 15 years too. I’d hate to find out the reason he didn’t want sex was something I could change.
Yes! This is a much better way of saying what I did above. I trust DH to be gentle with my feelings, but I do want to please him! If there’s something he would prefer, and I can fix it, I want him to tell me. I won’t melt! And if I thought his request was unreasonable, I feel safe enough to say so. Good spouses don’t expect spouses to look 25 forever, but it’s fair to ask them to take care of themselves.
Yes! Op doesn’t sound like a monster who is whining about small weight gain. I wish dh would tell me before our marriage falls apart or he wishes to divorce. My dh isn’t an ahole at all, but he was thrilled physically with my body when the baby weight was gone. He’d never said anything either. I wouldn’t be as nice though and wouldn’t be thrilled with a beer gut.
It honestly doesn't matter if OP's feelings are justified or not though. The question is how he can cause her to lose weight, and the answer is, he cannot.
Anonymous
02/07/2021 22:51
Subject: How do I tell DW that her weight is a problem?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Am I the only woman who would want to know that I was repulsing DH?
Yep I’d love to know. Dh and I are in love. It would make me change things If I knew he was repulsed by my breath or weight or whatever. I’m not a sugar baby and don’t exist to please dh either. I’d tell him if something were an issue. We’ve been together 15 years too. I’d hate to find out the reason he didn’t want sex was something I could change.
Yes! This is a much better way of saying what I did above. I trust DH to be gentle with my feelings, but I do want to please him! If there’s something he would prefer, and I can fix it, I want him to tell me. I won’t melt! And if I thought his request was unreasonable, I feel safe enough to say so. Good spouses don’t expect spouses to look 25 forever, but it’s fair to ask them to take care of themselves.
Yes! Op doesn’t sound like a monster who is whining about small weight gain. I wish dh would tell me before our marriage falls apart or he wishes to divorce. My dh isn’t an ahole at all, but he was thrilled physically with my body when the baby weight was gone. He’d never said anything either. I wouldn’t be as nice though and wouldn’t be thrilled with a beer gut.
The answer is for OP to work on himself such that he doesn't let weight gain lead to divorce. There's nothing inevitable about it. He's choosing make his resentment her problem when it's 100% his. You make a lifelong commitment, not "until I don't think you're hot anymore."
Anonymous
02/07/2021 21:16
Subject: How do I tell DW that her weight is a problem?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Am I the only woman who would want to know that I was repulsing DH?
Yep I’d love to know. Dh and I are in love. It would make me change things If I knew he was repulsed by my breath or weight or whatever. I’m not a sugar baby and don’t exist to please dh either. I’d tell him if something were an issue. We’ve been together 15 years too. I’d hate to find out the reason he didn’t want sex was something I could change.
Yes! This is a much better way of saying what I did above. I trust DH to be gentle with my feelings, but I do want to please him! If there’s something he would prefer, and I can fix it, I want him to tell me. I won’t melt! And if I thought his request was unreasonable, I feel safe enough to say so. Good spouses don’t expect spouses to look 25 forever, but it’s fair to ask them to take care of themselves.
Yes! Op doesn’t sound like a monster who is whining about small weight gain. I wish dh would tell me before our marriage falls apart or he wishes to divorce. My dh isn’t an ahole at all, but he was thrilled physically with my body when the baby weight was gone. He’d never said anything either. I wouldn’t be as nice though and wouldn’t be thrilled with a beer gut.
Anonymous
02/07/2021 21:09
Subject: How do I tell DW that her weight is a problem?
Anonymous wrote:Am I the only woman who would want to know that I was repulsing DH?
I have asked my husband and he doesn't answer which means that yes, apparently I disgust him.
Anonymous
02/07/2021 21:07
Subject: How do I tell DW that her weight is a problem?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I would like it if my husband worked out WITH me. I wonder if you're him, he used to work out a lot on his own before we met, so I know he knows a lot about weightlifting but he won't do it with me.
Daily gym-goer here. It’s because there are women he flirts with at the gym.
You're quoting me - he's not a daily gym goer, hasn't been one in a very long time (well before he and I even met).
Anonymous
02/07/2021 20:58
Subject: How do I tell DW that her weight is a problem?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Am I the only woman who would want to know that I was repulsing DH?
Yep I’d love to know. Dh and I are in love. It would make me change things If I knew he was repulsed by my breath or weight or whatever. I’m not a sugar baby and don’t exist to please dh either. I’d tell him if something were an issue. We’ve been together 15 years too. I’d hate to find out the reason he didn’t want sex was something I could change.
Yes! This is a much better way of saying what I did above. I trust DH to be gentle with my feelings, but I do want to please him! If there’s something he would prefer, and I can fix it, I want him to tell me. I won’t melt! And if I thought his request was unreasonable, I feel safe enough to say so. Good spouses don’t expect spouses to look 25 forever, but it’s fair to ask them to take care of themselves.
Anonymous
02/07/2021 20:53
Subject: How do I tell DW that her weight is a problem?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Am I the only woman who would want to know that I was repulsing DH?
Yep I’d love to know. Dh and I are in love. It would make me change things If I knew he was repulsed by my breath or weight or whatever. I’m not a sugar baby and don’t exist to please dh either. I’d tell him if something were an issue. We’ve been together 15 years too. I’d hate to find out the reason he didn’t want sex was something I could change.
I love DH too and he loves me. But he told me he doesn’t like my weight gain. I have no desire to have sex with him anymore (on top of menopause drop of desire). I’ll have it if he wants to, but I know he only wanting sex because he’s tired of masturbating.
So OP, she knows she’s gained weight. You telling her won’t help. All it will do is ruin your sex life.