Wow - you are more than generous. I do tuition (they have some loans), room and board, and pay books and some Amazon supplies. At the start of the semester I gave them $500 fun money. One used it all, one used barely half. My friend gave her son 3x that and he ran through it in no time and cried poor mouth until she gave him more. At my suggestion she now parcels it out monthly.

My kids have their debit cards linked to their own accounts. They have enough savings balance to cover emergencies or needs. If I deem it a real need/ emergency, I will transfer money ahead of time or reimburse afterwards. If their "need" is not my definition of need - well then they just spent their own money on it!

My college student (now graduated) had a credit card for emergencies, but he knew we meant "things that mom and dad would define as an emergency." He rarely used it. Instead, he had a part-time job and saved money from his summer job to pay for all books, incidentals, entertainment, etc. We paid room & board and for his cellphone plan. Also, we let him take a car back to school senior year; we continued to pay for insurance and upkeep, he paid for any gas he used. When he moved off campus junior and senior year, we paid his rent (which included utilities) and deposited $200/month in his account for groceries.

We did buy some clothes, but mostly as birthday or xmas gifts. I made sure he had what he *needed*, and was willing to pay for those things (e.g., winter coat, boots, a few pairs of jeans, underwear), but I was not willing to pay for *extras.* In his case, the best example I can give is that I was willing to buy him (a runner) a pair of good running shoes every 6 months or so; I was not willing to finance his "fashion" sneaker habit.

Of course he overspends your budgeted allowance every month, because it's your money instead of his! I would never give me college student a credit card "for emergencies". At their age, every single thing is an emergency. I need a Starbuck's drink, it's emergency. I want to get something at the college bookstore, it's an emergency...

Tell your adult child it's time to get a part-time job to cover his expenses, even if it's just 15 hours/week. It's time, OP. It will be a good learning experience for him.

He's responsible for his own spending money, comes from money earned from a summer job. If that's not enough he can get a part-time job.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I really appreciate all the varied responses. They are assuring me that he just needs to tighter things up.
He did do a summer job but because of the pandemic and because he also had an unpaid internship, it was sporadic and he didn’t make much. He did DoorDash driving and they make a pittance for several hours work
He went in the evenings for about 3-4 hours a day and would make about $45 a week if that. In short he didn’t make much over the past summer and living in DC that was soon soaked up on Ubers when he went out. I haven’t pushed him to get a job because of COVID but next summer will be different hopefully. I didn’t attend college in the US so the on campus job idea never occurred to me. I will encourage him to get one.
He does have a bank account but his spending leeches into the credit card every month.
I think we are giving him more than enough/too much and my instincts were right about him needing to curb his expense.

Two more thoughts, OP:

1) Since it’s your money, it’s reasonable to require him to tell you what he’s spending it on. Even to provide receipts, if you want that. If you don’t want to force him to curb his expenses, force him to justify them — and then let him know what you will not be covering in the future when you don’t think his justification reasonable.
2) This is extra incentive to earn his own money — you won’t have a say over what he does with that.


I wish my parents had done #1 with me. I viewed my credit card as unlimited funds because my parents were so supportive/generous (my card was unlimited, all my job money ore 21 went into a Roth), but I left college with zero practical understanding of how money worked.

This is great advice. Thanks. My aim here is to teach him to manage his money well, even if it’s tight, and learn to always save and, as you say, weigh whether an expense is justified or not. Life lessons which are very important. I’ve asked him to send me a dump from his bank account to see what he’s spending on. I think he views the credit card as unlimited too which is my fault. It’s taken me unawares because he was never one to spend much when he was home when he did effectively have unlimited excess to a credit card so I’m a little surprised
.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I really appreciate all the varied responses. They are assuring me that he just needs to tighter things up.
He did do a summer job but because of the pandemic and because he also had an unpaid internship, it was sporadic and he didn’t make much. He did DoorDash driving and they make a pittance for several hours work
He went in the evenings for about 3-4 hours a day and would make about $45 a week if that. In short he didn’t make much over the past summer and living in DC that was soon soaked up on Ubers when he went out. I haven’t pushed him to get a job because of COVID but next summer will be different hopefully. I didn’t attend college in the US so the on campus job idea never occurred to me. I will encourage him to get one.
He does have a bank account but his spending leeches into the credit card every month.
I think we are giving him more than enough/too much and my instincts were right about him needing to curb his expense.

Two more thoughts, OP:

1) Since it’s your money, it’s reasonable to require him to tell you what he’s spending it on. Even to provide receipts, if you want that. If you don’t want to force him to curb his expenses, force him to justify them — and then let him know what you will not be covering in the future when you don’t think his justification reasonable.
2) This is extra incentive to earn his own money — you won’t have a say over what he does with that.


I wish my parents had done #1 with me. I viewed my credit card as unlimited funds because my parents were so supportive/generous (my card was unlimited, all my job money ore 21 went into a Roth), but I left college with zero practical understanding of how money worked.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He has a credit card for emergencies but a monthly budget which I thought was reasonable but he overspends every month. I just want to know if we’re in the right ballpark. This is just for food/going out. Ubers/clothing/school requirements are not included.
I want him to be able to manage a reasonable/slightly tight budget and even save from it for and keep some aside for unexpected expenses and presents for his girlfriend etc.
Google says $200-$300 but we give him a bit more than that.
Thanks

Why does he need Uber, does he live off campus?

How do you expect them to get to the airport, get to restaurants, get to museums, etc?

Yeah, sure, OP's kid is spending all his money on museums! That's the ticket!

Yes my student at NYU spent $ on museums.... and Concerts/ sports games/ etc... you don’t have college students do you. Go back and tell your toddler what a great parent you are nobody else cares.

He couldn't walk or take the subway to those places?

Not always, no. Have your been to NY? Why are there taxis if you can take a train everywhere? Also sometimes it was at 4am. Again you really sound like you don’t have a college student.

I've been to NY many times; pre-pandemic I usually went several times a year. Never once took a taxi or Uber. Yes, the subway goes pretty much everywhere.

Everywhere you go possibly there is world outside of your little bubble. I guess it hits all the tourist attractions.

Tourist attractions like museums, Madison Square Garden, and Washington Square Park? Yes, yes it does!

I think you need to make it clear to him that his budget is his budget, and there is nothing you will do beyond that, except in a true emergency, so he has to learn to live within his means. He probably won't, initially, and you'll just have to be like *shrug*, I'm sorry I can't help you.

OP here. I really appreciate all the varied responses. They are assuring me that he just needs to tighter things up.
He did do a summer job but because of the pandemic and because he also had an unpaid internship, it was sporadic and he didn’t make much. He did DoorDash driving and they make a pittance for several hours work
He went in the evenings for about 3-4 hours a day and would make about $45 a week if that. In short he didn’t make much over the past summer and living in DC that was soon soaked up on Ubers when he went out. I haven’t pushed him to get a job because of COVID but next summer will be different hopefully. I didn’t attend college in the US so the on campus job idea never occurred to me. I will encourage him to get one.
He does have a bank account but his spending leeches into the credit card every month.
I think we are giving him more than enough/too much and my instincts were right about him needing to curb his expense.