Anonymous
Post 01/19/2021 14:22     Subject: If you're a POC, do you feel like you need mainly POC friends?
Self-segregation is still segregation.

And we all know there is no such thing as separate but equal.
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2021 14:17     Subject: If you're a POC, do you feel like you need mainly POC friends?
Anonymous wrote:I’m a mid 40s AA woman, and I find that this has happened somewhat organically over time. I grew up going to private schools, and am in a profession that does not have a ton of diversity, so most of my school and work friends have been white women (except in college when I was active in minority organizations and thus had more women of color friends). But as I’ve gotten older I noticed that the friends who became my closest friends, and stayed in contact after we moved on to other jobs, were the women of color. I find that most of my white friends just drifted away or became acquaintances. It’s interesting because I actually feel more comfortable in a room full of white people I don’t know than a room full of AA people I don’t know (probably b/c it’s just more familiar to me), but for whatever reason most of my white female friends drifted towards other (white) former colleagues and at most keep me on their holiday card list. I don’t think any of them are racist, but assume perhaps on some level they felt more comfortable or like they had more in common with the other white women who were part of our group.


This. I'm mid 50s. Grew up in Western Howard County. Had mostly white friends. As I've gotten older, most of my friends are people of color. There is a commonality that I like. That being said, I do have really good white friends and a few that I no longer even code switch with (and you know that is saying something).
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2021 14:13     Subject: If you're a POC, do you feel like you need mainly POC friends?
Anonymous wrote:I agree with 2:32, 2:42,and 2:44.


It's understandable, but why would you ask this question/seek validation from a predominately White UMC board? Seems in conflict.


I don't think this board is as white as you think.
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2021 14:06     Subject: Re:If you're a POC, do you feel like you need mainly POC friends?
I can relate as a second generation south asian. I grew up in state where they were maybe 50 people tops from my parents’ home country. Growing up I befriended people who had similar shared interests in books or all things geeky. As I grew older, I found myself wanting friendships with people who had a similar ethnic background to me. I’m still in the same state where I grew up, so finding those friends here is hard, but I’ve made some strong friendships with other south asians who are online. I find social media wonderful for connecting people that way. If I waited to find a south asian female friend here in my city, I’d be waiting forever. One of my closest friends now, we text several times a week, lives in Edinburgh.
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2021 13:56     Subject: If you're a POC, do you feel like you need mainly POC friends?
I don’t feel that way. I’m Latina.
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2021 13:56     Subject: Re:If you're a POC, do you feel like you need mainly POC friends?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Yes definitely. I am adopted from Korea so my actual family and cultural background is white people. But I have always been friends with other Asian Americans and as I get older I actually seek out this friendships more intentionally than I used to. Partly because I want to raise my kids with healthy identities being minorities, but partly because over the years I have also been kind of annoyed by some (definitely not all) of my white friends’ understanding about race and culture in the USA. I don’t have the energy to bring people up to speed about the reality. I also seek out friendships of other POC (Black, Latino, Jews, etc) because even if we don’t have the same background I know there are some shared understanding. All of my white friends are usually pretty woke or married to POC.


This is 100% true. There is an unspoken understanding between (most) POC.


+1. Except the sad uncultured POC like the South Asian lady who posted earlier.
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2021 13:55     Subject: Re:If you're a POC, do you feel like you need mainly POC friends?
I had mostly white friends growing up, but since college and joining the workplace, my friends have primarily been WOC. I’ve rarely been able to make friends with white women at work outside of a few from foreign countries. I suspect this might be a DC thing though as I get along fine with white women in my organization from satellite offices. I’m friendly and have socialized with a good number of white moms at my kids’ schools.
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2021 13:52     Subject: Re:If you're a POC, do you feel like you need mainly POC friends?
Anonymous wrote:Yes definitely. I am adopted from Korea so my actual family and cultural background is white people. But I have always been friends with other Asian Americans and as I get older I actually seek out this friendships more intentionally than I used to. Partly because I want to raise my kids with healthy identities being minorities, but partly because over the years I have also been kind of annoyed by some (definitely not all) of my white friends’ understanding about race and culture in the USA. I don’t have the energy to bring people up to speed about the reality. I also seek out friendships of other POC (Black, Latino, Jews, etc) because even if we don’t have the same background I know there are some shared understanding. All of my white friends are usually pretty woke or married to POC.


This is 100% true. There is an unspoken understanding between (most) POC.
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2021 13:48     Subject: If you're a POC, do you feel like you need mainly POC friends?
I'm not a POC so I'm not claiming I understand what OP feels, but I am an immigrant from a non-wealthy, non-English speaking country, having come here as a tween. All my close friends are fellow immigrants (of varying races and ethnicities, not necessarily from my country/culture.) I find those are the people I click with best. They just "get it". Nothing wrong with finding your people, whatever that may look like.
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2021 13:47     Subject: If you're a POC, do you feel like you need mainly POC friends?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would not want you as a friend, because you cannot put your race aside long enough to reach out to others and find middle ground. HTH are those not in your shoes supposed to know? Just tell them so they get it, do you think they read minds? I want a friend who can truly laugh with me, and who is honest, if you cannot then good bye, because newsflash I have my own issues you wouldn't have a clue about either..


Let me guess, you're a person who "doesn't see color".


Or a person who doesn't have a TV or internet and was in a coma all last summer.
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2021 13:45     Subject: If you're a POC, do you feel like you need mainly POC friends?
My black friends have been very supporting of me during these trying times. As a PONC - person of no color I can’t be hired. My good friend is now letting me use his black LLC to gain work.
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2021 13:43     Subject: If you're a POC, do you feel like you need mainly POC friends?
Anonymous wrote:I would not want you as a friend, because you cannot put your race aside long enough to reach out to others and find middle ground. HTH are those not in your shoes supposed to know? Just tell them so they get it, do you think they read minds? I want a friend who can truly laugh with me, and who is honest, if you cannot then good bye, because newsflash I have my own issues you wouldn't have a clue about either..


Let me guess, you're a person who "doesn't see color".
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2021 13:41     Subject: If you're a POC, do you feel like you need mainly POC friends?
I would not want you as a friend, because you cannot put your race aside long enough to reach out to others and find middle ground. HTH are those not in your shoes supposed to know? Just tell them so they get it, do you think they read minds? I want a friend who can truly laugh with me, and who is honest, if you cannot then good bye, because newsflash I have my own issues you wouldn't have a clue about either..
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2021 13:38     Subject: If you're a POC, do you feel like you need mainly POC friends?
Black female here, and I understand where you are coming from. I have both white and Black friends, and both groups come with pros and cons.

I notice that there is little to no competition between myself and my white friends, where it's common among my Black friends. I admittedly steer clear of specific topics with my white friends that my Black friends intuitively understand. During the summer, most of my white friends (we all are in the DC area) did check in on me to see how I was doing, which meant a lot to me. For my Black friends, it was bullsh*t business as usual.

Bottom line- I like the flow of both groups, but there are noticeable differences.
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2021 13:36     Subject: If you're a POC, do you feel like you need mainly POC friends?
Anonymous wrote:I agree with 2:32, 2:42,and 2:44.


It's understandable, but why would you ask this question/seek validation from a predominately White UMC board? Seems in conflict.


Why is it relevant that posters are predominantly UMC, even if this is true?

If it’s just that posters are predominantly white, then why not just say that?

Why the inherent bias that being BIPOC and UMC are mutually exclusive conditions?