Anonymous wrote:
It all depends how serious she gets.

We pay $60/hr for quality instruction for DD's riding. We don't lease or show for now.

It's way less expensive than her more serious violin pursuit. A quality professional violin costs upwards of $50K, so unless we buy a horse, violin will always be more expensive.

Unless she is a professional violinist why would she need that. Absurd.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. What lovely, helpful replies. Thank you all.

One reason these specific activities stuck is that DD is an introvert and not high energy. We tried soccer (she cried the first time someone stole the ball and she walks most of the time). We tried basketball (she's bottom 1% for height, so she was understandably frustrated).

I wonder if maybe I should push harder to get her into a group sport. I'm torn. Am I pushing a round peg into a square hole? Or am I expanding her horizons and pushing her to grow?

She truly loves horseback riding, in particular. But I'm in NYC, and we'll never be able to make it out to the barn more than 1x/week. We'll never be able to afford to buy a horse. So I'm inclined to agree w/other PPs that maybe it's time to let this one go.

I can identify with your daughter. I'm an introvert too. What's worse, my eye/hand coordination stinks (not necessarily a problem for OP's DD), making team ball sports completely unappealing.

I suggest you try (less expensive) physical activities like swimming, dance (there's a wide gamut available from ballet to hip-hop, from square dancing to hula, belly dancing to ballroom, etc. YouTube has lots of lesson videos she can use to explore the possibilities.), gymnastics, martial arts, rock climbing, cycling, parkour, etc.

Some of these might still get expensive if you try to do them at an elite performance/competition level, but if kept at a recreational level should be more affordable.

Gymnastics is especially rewarding for petite people!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have three girls. The older two were doing horseback riding for a number of years. We were not going to buy a horse; we were not going to even get into leasing a horse. We had said they can take weekly lessons, some camp time in the summer, and we'll do a few shows that fit our schedule.

Do you regret having them start in the first place, or do you think they got something out of the years they rode?

I will take this question as a former non-wealthy shy kid who only rode once a week. YES!! I totally got something out of it despite having never had my own horse as a kid and never showing. I was way too shy to want to show any way.

I gained confidence and I got to bond with and learn to trust a massive animal. As an extreme example there are therapeutic riding horse organizations that work with people with physical disabilities and emotional issues. There are some that just help with veterans with PTSD. Your DD doesn't need that obviously but I believe every horse is a therapy horse on some level.

Long term I lived in the UK and rode over there as an adult. I got to gallop along a mountain ridge in Wales. I learned dressage. I rode in Hyde Park in London. I rounded up cattle on horseback.

Now I'm still not rich (dangit) but I lease a horse and am riding more at 45 than I ever have in my life.

she's bottom 1% for height, so she was understandably frustrated

I am one of the PPs with a competitive figure skater. I tried so hard to get her into team sports. She begged for skating lessons for a year before I signed her up (she was 7, which is late to start in the figure skating world). She loves it and is actually pretty talented despite not being good at team sports.

My daughter is in the bottom 5% for height. Figure skating loves tiny girls. My daughter's skating friends look 2-3 years younger than their actual age. It does not have to be intensely competitive - plenty of girls skate 2 to 3 times a week and compete recreationally or not at all. If you are looking for something team oriented, there is synchro and Theater on Ice. It is not Olympics or nothing.

It sounds like you are/your daughter is more interested in horseback riding, but if you have any questions about local rinks or how to get started with skating, please feel free to ask.

This probably isn't for OP, but for those of you with horse-mad kids, there are competitions that use schooling horses for everyone. IEA and JEL are two organizations that do them. Usually they are organized through school or a barn. Not terribly expensive and fun.

Anonymous wrote:
It all depends how serious she gets.

We pay $60/hr for quality instruction for DD's riding. We don't lease or show for now.

It's way less expensive than her more serious violin pursuit. A quality professional violin costs upwards of $50K, so unless we buy a horse, violin will always be more expensive.

Wait until you find out what a quality professional horse costs.

OP,

Please let her do what she loves. What's wrong with weekly riding lessons? Just explain she won't get to competitions and owning her own horse...

It all depends how serious she gets.

We pay $60/hr for quality instruction for DD's riding. We don't lease or show for now.

It's way less expensive than her more serious violin pursuit. A quality professional violin costs upwards of $50K, so unless we buy a horse, violin will always be more expensive.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. What lovely, helpful replies. Thank you all.

One reason these specific activities stuck is that DD is an introvert and not high energy. We tried soccer (she cried the first time someone stole the ball and she walks most of the time). We tried basketball (she's bottom 1% for height, so she was understandably frustrated).

I wonder if maybe I should push harder to get her into a group sport. I'm torn. Am I pushing a round peg into a square hole? Or am I expanding her horizons and pushing her to grow?

She truly loves horseback riding, in particular. But I'm in NYC, and we'll never be able to make it out to the barn more than 1x/week. We'll never be able to afford to buy a horse. So I'm inclined to agree w/other PPs that maybe it's time to let this one go.

Oh please don’t try to get her into a group sport. I mean, expose her to it, sure, but some kids just don’t do well with group sports. My figure skating DD is one of them. She just wants to do her own thing.

What about tennis?

Anonymous wrote:OP here. What lovely, helpful replies. Thank you all.

One reason these specific activities stuck is that DD is an introvert and not high energy. We tried soccer (she cried the first time someone stole the ball and she walks most of the time). We tried basketball (she's bottom 1% for height, so she was understandably frustrated).

I wonder if maybe I should push harder to get her into a group sport. I'm torn. Am I pushing a round peg into a square hole? Or am I expanding her horizons and pushing her to grow?

She truly loves horseback riding, in particular. But I'm in NYC, and we'll never be able to make it out to the barn more than 1x/week. We'll never be able to afford to buy a horse. So I'm inclined to agree w/other PPs that maybe it's time to let this one go.

I can identify with your daughter. I'm an introvert too. What's worse, my eye/hand coordination stinks (not necessarily a problem for OP's DD), making team ball sports completely unappealing.

I suggest you try (less expensive) physical activities like swimming, dance (there's a wide gamut available from ballet to hip-hop, from square dancing to hula, belly dancing to ballroom, etc. YouTube has lots of lesson videos she can use to explore the possibilities.), gymnastics, martial arts, rock climbing, cycling, parkour, etc.

Some of these might still get expensive if you try to do them at an elite performance/competition level, but if kept at a recreational level should be more affordable.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. What lovely, helpful replies. Thank you all.

One reason these specific activities stuck is that DD is an introvert and not high energy. We tried soccer (she cried the first time someone stole the ball and she walks most of the time). We tried basketball (she's bottom 1% for height, so she was understandably frustrated).

I wonder if maybe I should push harder to get her into a group sport. I'm torn. Am I pushing a round peg into a square hole? Or am I expanding her horizons and pushing her to grow?

She truly loves horseback riding, in particular. But I'm in NYC, and we'll never be able to make it out to the barn more than 1x/week. We'll never be able to afford to buy a horse. So I'm inclined to agree w/other PPs that maybe it's time to let this one go.

Oh please don’t try to get her into a group sport. I mean, expose her to it, sure, but some kids just don’t do well with group sports. My figure skating DD is one of them. She just wants to do her own thing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do not get your own horse or get into competing. Vet bills and entry fees and travel will be a huge money suck.

Just let her take weekly lessons on the horses there. If she wants to lease, let her much stalls and do other barn work to pay for it.

*muck* stalls, I meant.

Also: making her do barn work is a good way to weed out the dilettante rider from the Horse Girl. Horse Girls will do whatever it takes to be around horses. Dilettantes just like the trappings of riding and like to do it when it’s convenient. Make it less convenient for her and you’ll see if she really NEEDS to ride.

I grew up in the countryside and this is how my sister contributed to the costs associated with her hobby, along with competing only in 4-H rather than more expensive options.

But I'm wondering if that's an option in 2021. Do they let tweens/teens muck stalls, or have they outsourced all of that to a contractor? It strikes me that the availability of cheap labor + concern about lawsuits might make that less of an option than in the past.

I don’t know about specific barns nearby—but certainly some barns still do this. I’m familiar with a few in Maryland and they still allow it! It really will separate the true horse lovers from the take-it-or-leave it crowd.

This is a nice, romantic notion but it's just impossible to pay off your horse bills mucking stalls. Even as a teen, you could find higher paid work. It's no more effective than if mom got night job sweeping floors. Minimum wage is minimum wage, and it doesn't pay for horses.

You’re wrong. My parents own a barn and many kids offset their bills—some almost entirely—by working every night and weekend. Also, I mentioned leasing, not buying. You can absolutely work off most/all of a lease through working at a barn.

Where is their barn? It may work in a more rural area, but it’s tough here given the high costs and the schools here require more homework time. I agree it would be tough to do here. My daughter makes $70 a day at our local barn. Boarding is $800/month.

I will say, I know a few parents who supported their kids in ONE area because they really were passionate and those kids went on to do amazing things....one set thought they were crazy for buying their kid a horse and she ended up majoring in Equestrian Management and now owns a stable; one set moved to live near a swim coach and that kid went to the Olympics; one set kept taking their kid to NYC for auditions and she landed a Broadway show.... But there was no question in those cases that the passion came from the kids AND the parents were in a financial position to support them. It wasn't the parents pushing, if anything the parents kept asking all of us (their friends and family) if THEY were crazy or being too indulgent. I think maybe when you know you know. But if your kid is doing three things and liking them all, maybe none of them is THE THING.

If your daughter can only ride once a week, there’s your answer right there about how to manage the cost.

Should things change later on, becoming a working student is a great way to get more saddle time for less money. (PP who was huffing about how a minimum wage job couldn’t possibly pay for anything, that’s not how it works. It’s more of an apprenticeship, where the student puts in X amount of grunt work and in return gets some chunk of lessons/discounted board, plus increased opportunities for catch riding. Depending on the level/trainer for whom you’re working, there’s a lot of door-opening prestige in this.)

As others have pointed out, the hunter/equitation world takes big bucks. Hand gallop, don’t trot, over to an eventing barn, where there’s more of a DIY ethos and the criteria are more quantitative than qualitative. Or have her try Pony Club, or hunter paces, or endurance riding, or one of the zillion other disciplines out there. Or just encourage her to develop a sensitive, balanced, adaptable seat so that she can try it all.

Skiing - buy skis or do a seasonal rental. In the spring, when they’re deeply discounted, look into buying a season pass to a nearby resort or group of mountains. Again, focus on recreational skiing rather than competing.

Ice skating - Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. What lovely, helpful replies. Thank you all.

One reason these specific activities stuck is that DD is an introvert and not high energy. We tried soccer (she cried the first time someone stole the ball and she walks most of the time). We tried basketball (she's bottom 1% for height, so she was understandably frustrated).

I wonder if maybe I should push harder to get her into a group sport. I'm torn. Am I pushing a round peg into a square hole? Or am I expanding her horizons and pushing her to grow?

She truly loves horseback riding, in particular. But I'm in NYC, and we'll never be able to make it out to the barn more than 1x/week. We'll never be able to afford to buy a horse. So I'm inclined to agree w/other PPs that maybe it's time to let this one go.

Where do you go skiing from NYC? Does the whole family ski?