Anonymous
Post 01/09/2021 09:29     Subject: DH judgmental about alcohol
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:DCUM is the worst. My husband suddenly doesn’t like alcohol = YOU must be an alcoholic!



It's more like my husband lost his parents in a short amount of time, his parents were alcoholics, he's now concerned about my drinking. Instead of being concerned about my husband, I'm upset about losing drinking time, but I don't have a problem with alcohol.


This is the first mention of “losing drinking time”, which everyone has jumped on. IS THIS THE OP? I don’t think so. I doubt she would write that she is not concerned about her husband. This is someone cruelly attributing callousness and a preoccupation with “losing drinking time” to her.

So everyone needs to recognize that OP did not write this, and back off on the idea of “losing drinking time”.


Thank you - OP.
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2021 09:28     Subject: DH judgmental about alcohol
Anonymous wrote:Where did the OP write that she is losing drinking time? Did she provide an update? Am I more blind than I think?


I never did, some posters just decided to bring their own biases to bear and rip me a new one . I'm the OP. I don't care about "losing drinking time." I do care about suddenly being told what to do, even if it's as harmless as having drinks with friends outdoors once a week. It's really hard. I feel I'm being watched. And it's not just me - he makes snide comments about this own friends having beers outdoors too, and made some comment about a booze commercial last night.
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2021 09:28     Subject: Re:DH judgmental about alcohol
When I hear people say they want to “refresh” their drink, I reflexively think they don’t want to acknowledge having a third or fourth. I realize that may not be the case here, but I am sensitive to the cutesy language that people use to describe their drinking. I am very occasional drinker with lots of alcoholism in my family.
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2021 09:15     Subject: DH judgmental about alcohol
Anonymous wrote:My husband's parents were alcoholics. Both recently died (not alcohol-related) - his dad just two months ago.
Since they died, he has been very odd about alcohol use. He does not drink due to his parents. However, he really never cared if I drank or not.
Lately, though, he's been incredibly judgmental and touchy. I refreshed my cocktail yesterday and he made a comment. Tonight, friends came over and he said, "Don't come in hammered!"
Just little comments. Friends came over (his friends) last week and he was weird about his friend bringing beer over...Although this is something that has happened for many years.

I like to drink. I don't suffer from alcoholism. It plays no role in my life beyond a stress reliever/social lubricant from time to time. Yet now he's making all sorts of comments. I am wondering if he's maybe even tempted to drink and envious?? I don't know how to handle it. It has truly never been an issue in our relationship until his parents died.

Help??


If you are using alcohol as a "stress reliever/social lubricant," you may be experiencing grey area drinking. There is a difference between grey area drinking and substance abuse. Your husband just lost his parents and comes from an alcoholic background. As a loving, supportive spouse, abstaining from alcohol or at least temporarily is a kind thing to do. If alcohol is more important than a personal relationship, that is definitely a red flag.
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2021 09:05     Subject: DH judgmental about alcohol
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:DCUM is the worst. My husband suddenly doesn’t like alcohol = YOU must be an alcoholic!



It's more like my husband lost his parents in a short amount of time, his parents were alcoholics, he's now concerned about my drinking. Instead of being concerned about my husband, I'm upset about losing drinking time, but I don't have a problem with alcohol.


This is the first mention of “losing drinking time”, which everyone has jumped on. IS THIS THE OP? I don’t think so. I doubt she would write that she is not concerned about her husband. This is someone cruelly attributing callousness and a preoccupation with “losing drinking time” to her.

So everyone needs to recognize that OP did not write this, and back off on the idea of “losing drinking time”.
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2021 09:00     Subject: DH judgmental about alcohol
I see, she gave an update.
My mom is a child of an alcoholic father. She doesn't drink. She created a scene every single time dad drank. Dad was not a violent drunk, nor an alcoholic. Her dad was an abusive alcoholic. She had a reflex in her brain and hence every situation if dad drank, turned into a huge fight.
I think this type of behavior became something she could not control.
As for op saying she is losing drinking time...that is weird. Who but an alcoholic writes such a thing? Is her brain actually telling her she does have a problem?
And I am not buying it for a second that all this drinking is happening outdoors. One thing all alcoholics do is lie.
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2021 08:30     Subject: Re:DH judgmental about alcohol
If OP's husband was making these comments about the food that OP was taking in--and make no mistake, bad food habits are just as unhealthy, if not worse than, moderate drinking--you all would say he has a control problem, he's horrible, get him therapy. I could have warned you OP, any mention of alcohol brings out many uneducated, judgemental prudes.
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2021 08:28     Subject: DH judgmental about alcohol
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:DCUM is the worst. My husband suddenly doesn’t like alcohol = YOU must be an alcoholic!



It's more like my husband lost his parents in a short amount of time, his parents were alcoholics, he's now concerned about my drinking. Instead of being concerned about my husband, I'm upset about losing drinking time, but I don't have a problem with alcohol.


They are a married couple, not parent and child. Her husband is an adult. If he has issues, he needs to act like the adult he is and discuss them with his wife or schedule time with a therapist. Instead he’s making passive-aggressive comments. OP hasn’t changed her behaviour, and she’s not being spiteful. How about he put on his big boy pants and ask for help if he needs it.
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2021 08:28     Subject: DH judgmental about alcohol
Anonymous wrote:Also is likely that despite himself he was attracted to someone with a propensity for things his parents had issues with.



+1
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2021 08:26     Subject: DH judgmental about alcohol
Also is likely that despite himself he was attracted to someone with a propensity for things his parents had issues with.
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2021 08:25     Subject: DH judgmental about alcohol
Where did the OP write that she is losing drinking time? Did she provide an update? Am I more blind than I think?
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2021 08:25     Subject: DH judgmental about alcohol
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You're doing cocktails on a weekday at home? Your friends came over today to drink beers?


Are you writing from a monastery?


Pretty much! I honestly didn’t know people were hanging out indoors with friends. For the cocktail part, if my husband was doing multiple cocktails by himself on a week night, I would definitely comment on that.


This is the OP. We hang out outdoors, by a bonfire. Where did you read that we were inside?


NP, I think the part where your husband said "don't come in hammered!" may have tipped them off.
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2021 08:23     Subject: DH judgmental about alcohol
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You're doing cocktails on a weekday at home? Your friends came over today to drink beers?


Are you writing from a monastery?


Pretty much! I honestly didn’t know people were hanging out indoors with friends. For the cocktail part, if my husband was doing multiple cocktails by himself on a week night, I would definitely comment on that.


Two is not multiple.
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2021 08:22     Subject: Re:DH judgmental about alcohol
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:How is this not that the husband is an alcoholic? DW is drinking in front of of a barely controlled alcoholic, yes? His parents died and now he is beside himself with craving???


What are you talking about? Her husband doesn't drink, due to his parents. That clearly was the case long before they finally died of their alcoholism. He is not an alcoholic or "beside himself with craving."


Some people are good at hiding things. He may be drinking secretly which is what many alcoholics do.
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2021 08:20     Subject: Re:DH judgmental about alcohol
Anonymous wrote:OP is an alcoholic because her spouse's parents were? Huh?


And somehow that is logical to some posters. Who knew?