Anonymous wrote:Literally everyone I grew up with (in the 90s) was a virgin until marriage. Now they're all in normal happy marriages, except for one.

How do you know what goes on behind closed doors? Things aren't always as "normal" as they seem from the outside.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t wait until marriage but my husband is the only one. I can’t imagine making a life commitment with no experience.

Did all the people on this board complaining about their sex lives benefit from the "experience?"

How do you know all the people complaining about their sex lives weren’t the virgins before marriage?

Because it’s very uncommon and few of the sexless or miserable wives or husbands mention it- it seems pertinent.

Same with living together before marriage... most people do it and yet we see so many threads where the husband or wife either changed after marriage or after kids or became absorbed in his work and doesn’t act like a partner.

You don’t need to have sex or live together before marriage- you need flexibility and communication and commitment.

Don't pull a muscle while patting yourself on the back.
My DH had only slept with me and he cheated because he felt he was missing out on experience. And we had sex 2-3x a week including BJs. Please keep your smug to yourself.

Literally everyone I grew up with (in the 90s) was a virgin until marriage. Now they're all in normal happy marriages, except for one.

Waiting until marriage not only signals weird religious oppression, but isn't practical in this day and age. There aren't as many people getting married very young anymore. "Saving yourself for marriage" when you get married at 22 isn't that much of a sacrifice. Most smart people now are finishing grad school at least and trying to establish a career before they get married which would put them over 26. No one mentally normal wants to spend their entire 20s and maybe into their 30s a virgin.

Like a previous poster, I have had one partner, my dh but we didn't wait until marriage and we also lived together before marriage. We have always had a great sex life. And we were having sex pretty early into our relationship (when it's right, it's right). He felt like a guy i could trust so I chose him. I as like tina fey, a late bloomer. We later married. I don't speak to my daughter about virginity until marriage, but we do talk about everything else: the emotional and pleasurable aspects (i never pretend sex is not desirable and i always acknowledge it as a great part of life). Birth control, consent, how you can get hurt, risks, following your own voice, etc. My daughter is 16 and has never yet kissed a boy. Covid has not helped. In a way I am glad she has had room to take her time but she is missing out on important experiences. Everyone's path is different.

In this day and age, there is much more access to images/info on sex and people to have it with. So it's a sign of the times that people don't wait.

Having said that- nothing wrong with waiting, but I do believe you are very lucky that you are compatible/into the same things/exploring the same things in the same ways at the same level and remain interested in each other. Simple physical things like how people smell, taste, look, sound and move during sex can be a make-or-break. And the more 'brain related' aspects of sex are even more diverse in terms of what can go right/wrong.

The religious girls I knew who were 'saving it' seemed to have a limited understanding of sex/personalities so they used to make comments about genitals-only like *wink 'we have the right equipment, it will be fine'. It is about so much more than that, at the same time as they accused others of 'making it all about that'.

Having said that, being with others before doesn't mean things won't change either, just that you won't wonder in the same way 'what is out there' as you've seen a bit of it and made the decision that you'd found the 'one' or the 'good enough-one'.

TL/DR: if someone masturbates a lot as a virgin I'd figure they lean onto the more normal sexual continuum as opposed to being asexual or having issues/personality disorder. I have an older family member who is a virgin- late 40s, and totally normal/we talk about sex, etc, but they just haven't found anyone suitable (and are high-functioning autistic so not exactly social creatures out there trying to get some).

42 and still waiting for marriage!

Anonymous wrote:DH and I both were we are 32 now, married at 26.

Same as DH and I. We both are 55 now, married at 25. We met at college. I was not willing to have sex before marriage and DH had the choice to wait for me or go with someone else. He proposed very early on, but we both needed to be launched in our careers before we could get married.

I think I am the kind of person who would become bitter with baggage. I am glad I did not have bad romantic experiences because I would have felt duped and resentful. More power to people who can have sex with multiple people and have various relationships and still be emotionally healthy. That was not my personality.

Marriage for me was sexual freedom. If I had discovered sex before marriage, I don't think I could have remained celibate or even faithful for such a long time because I have a very high libido (and I was getting multiple degrees in the University - so had access to lots of young men). DH and I have a great sexlife. We are either very lucky or we are still making up for our years of sexual deprivation.

Another 12 years Catholic school- I know a few who waited until marriage but they married right out of college. Many more who only slept with DH but didn’t wait until they married. I am 51.

FWIW I don’t have any expectation on DD waiting until marriage but they am hoping she waits for a committed relationship....preferably after 17... and I would say the same for DS.

DH was a virgin when we married - driven by his religious views. We messed around but no oral or PIV until we got married. I won the jackpot because he is an *awesome* lover. After knowing what I know now, I’m not sure I would advocate that approach but it’s worked for us.

I know a few people. Some religious and some just wanted to wait until they were really serious with someone, and that someone just happened to be the person they married. Most are happy.

I had a lot of sex before I met DH. We also lived together before we got married. We are happily married and have a great sex life. I don't think the above has anything to do with that though.

Anonymous wrote:Yes you are. Frankly I find it bizarre and assume it is religious suppression. Anyone over 22 that is a virgin has some issues, be it major insecurity, social problems, or false religious ideals

Or is a late bloomer.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t wait until marriage but my husband is the only one. I can’t imagine making a life commitment with no experience.

Did all the people on this board complaining about their sex lives benefit from the "experience?"

How do you know all the people complaining about their sex lives weren’t the virgins before marriage?

Currently getting out of a sexless marriage. I was sexually active before meeting my STBXW; she wanted to wait until marriage ... and to say we're completely incompatible would be putting it lightly. In the last 3-4 years, we'veg one through therapy, etc ... and in the end, she unilaterally decided she just didn't like sex, didn't want to have it anymore, but that we should still remain married and I shouldn't leave her because vows. I didn't sign on for a celibate married life ... so, we're parting ways.

When my kiddo is older and it's time to talk to him about the importance of intimacy in a relationship, you can bet I'll be talking to him about the importance of being with someone who is looking for the same sort of intimate and physical relationship you are -- regardless of what that level may be ...

Anonymous wrote:Yes you are. Frankly I find it bizarre and assume it is religious suppression. Anyone over 22 that is a virgin has some issues, be it major insecurity, social problems, or false religious ideals

+1. Also find the “everything but” line-drawing bizarre and hypocritical. I went to HS in the Deep South and there were plenty of people who did heavy petting, mutual touching, and oral but thought that because they stopped there they were a-OK as far as the Southern Baptist church was concerned.

Anonymous wrote:What do you all consider being a virgin? No penetrative sexual activity at all, or just no PIV sex?

Tough question because PIV obviously doesn't happen with lesbians, but of course they talk about sleeping with another person. IMHO, if a man and a woman did "everything but", with multiple partners but no PIV with anyone before marriage, they are technically a virgin based on the anatomical definition. But I would have a difficult time saying they did not have extensive sexual experience.