Anonymous
12/20/2020 00:12
Subject: SIL too strict on toys
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Your brother bears equal responsibility for this decision. Why are you laying this at HER feet alone? Even if this is her preferences, he is co-signing it into family policy.
STOP BLAMING SILs/DILs when brothers/sons bear equal responsibility for family decisions and dynamics!
UGH, wake up and enter this century, please.
Dp. Sounds like sil is the only one throwing out the toys. I would agree with you if brother was also doing this but it doesnt sound like he is.
I would think that they could pass on the toys they didnt like to someone else instead of throwing them away.
Maybe when covid is over you csn give experience gifts like taking them to the movies
My husband wouldn't stand for the kind of marriage where one person unilaterally decides what gifts actually get into the hands of recipients. If this husband CHOOSES to be checked-out, passive or allows this, that choice is still ON HIM.
Pp we arent talking about you so what you or your dh has little bearing.
And yet the fact remains that even when a man chooses to let his wife run the show and dictate family dynamics...
He
Is
Responsible
For
That
Choice.
Anonymous
12/19/2020 23:01
Subject: SIL too strict on toys
She doesn't buy a lot of toys, which means she doesn't want her kids to have a lot of toys, thus you... buy her kids a lot of toys? This is on you.
Anonymous
12/19/2020 19:50
Subject: SIL too strict on toys
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Your brother bears equal responsibility for this decision. Why are you laying this at HER feet alone? Even if this is her preferences, he is co-signing it into family policy.
STOP BLAMING SILs/DILs when brothers/sons bear equal responsibility for family decisions and dynamics!
UGH, wake up and enter this century, please.
Dp. Sounds like sil is the only one throwing out the toys. I would agree with you if brother was also doing this but it doesnt sound like he is.
I would think that they could pass on the toys they didnt like to someone else instead of throwing them away.
Maybe when covid is over you csn give experience gifts like taking them to the movies
My husband wouldn't stand for the kind of marriage where one person unilaterally decides what gifts actually get into the hands of recipients. If this husband CHOOSES to be checked-out, passive or allows this, that choice is still ON HIM.
Pp we arent talking about you so what you or your dh has little bearing.
Anonymous
12/19/2020 19:48
Subject: SIL too strict on toys
Anonymous wrote:OP, I never threw the stuff out but I hated that my inlaws got my kids that kind of stuff. I really wanted a house with just a few well-made toys and my mother-in-law introduced all that crap into my house and got my kids into it. I wanted them to appreciate things and remember where they got them, but how could they when they had so much! I decided quickly though that my mother-in-law was doing this out of love (giving junk is her love language blah blah) and that I didn't want to get in the way of that. I do think she got a kick out of introducing them to the hot new toys but not because she thought I was ridiculous with my wooden toys, more because it was genuinely fun for her. I guess I am trying to say that I am sure your heart is in the right place and I am surprised that your sister-in-law throws stuff away in front of you. But I do think you can do your part and find a middle ground .
No, they don't need to "find a middle ground". The parents get to choose how they raise their children, and what they have in their house. It's that simple. If OP wants to give something and doesn't want it thrown out, then she should actually care about the type of thing that the parents want their kids having and want in their home.
Anonymous
12/19/2020 19:45
Subject: SIL too strict on toys
OP, I never threw the stuff out but I hated that my inlaws got my kids that kind of stuff. I really wanted a house with just a few well-made toys and my mother-in-law introduced all that crap into my house and got my kids into it. I wanted them to appreciate things and remember where they got them, but how could they when they had so much! I decided quickly though that my mother-in-law was doing this out of love (giving junk is her love language blah blah) and that I didn't want to get in the way of that. I do think she got a kick out of introducing them to the hot new toys but not because she thought I was ridiculous with my wooden toys, more because it was genuinely fun for her. I guess I am trying to say that I am sure your heart is in the right place and I am surprised that your sister-in-law throws stuff away in front of you. But I do think you can do your part and find a middle ground .
Anonymous
12/19/2020 19:35
Subject: SIL too strict on toys
Anonymous
12/19/2020 19:30
Subject: SIL too strict on toys
Anonymous wrote:The gifts OP mentions are all dolls or characters. I would be super annoyed if a family member repeated gifts my biracial daughter dolls that don't look like her. Just skip the dolls altogether honestly. Even a brown skinned dolled at this point will be awkward. Why not a more educational or artsy gift? NOT a barbie doll....
Some families (like ours) don't really have any "characters" in the house at all. They're in some books (and usually we're particular about the books too) but not having dolls and figures and cars and crap like that everywhere.
Anonymous
12/19/2020 19:28
Subject: SIL too strict on toys
Anonymous wrote:I donate toys that are plastic. I don't want tons of plastic crap from China in my house.
Why is is it so hard for you to just ask her what her kids would like?
hahaha I just posted something and used the term "plastic crap" too... that's literally what we call that stuff in our house.
Anonymous
12/19/2020 19:27
Subject: SIL too strict on toys
Anonymous wrote:
Team SIL. I’m not black, but I was very particular about my children’s toys when they were little.
Ask for specific suggestions, OP.
+1
We're white and we don't like plastic crap either. Being "popular" doesn't mean anything at all. (Frankly, being popular seems to be a bad sign these days.)
Anonymous
12/19/2020 19:23
Subject: SIL too strict on toys
The gifts OP mentions are all dolls or characters. I would be super annoyed if a family member repeated gifts my biracial daughter dolls that don't look like her. Just skip the dolls altogether honestly. Even a brown skinned dolled at this point will be awkward. Why not a more educational or artsy gift? NOT a barbie doll....
Anonymous
12/19/2020 19:22
Subject: SIL too strict on toys
I donate toys that are plastic. I don't want tons of plastic crap from China in my house.
Why is is it so hard for you to just ask her what her kids would like?
Why is is it so hard for you to just ask her what her kids would like?
Anonymous
12/19/2020 19:03
Subject: SIL too strict on toys
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the responses. I'll ask SIL and my brother what the kids want and need.
And you needed DCUM to help you figure his out after 5 years of gift giving? Okay....
Anonymous
12/19/2020 18:46
Subject: SIL too strict on toys
My guess is that OP’s mom is gossiping to OP about SIL and sharing her judgment of SIL. Grandma probably gave some gifts and was miffed that she didn’t see the kids fawning over them when she visited. So she’s created this narrative that the SIL threw them out and fed it to OP.
Anonymous
12/19/2020 18:20
Subject: Re:SIL too strict on toys
I would ask SIL for suggestions because I noticed she has thrown/given away prior gifts.
Anonymous
12/19/2020 17:59
Subject: SIL too strict on toys
Team SIL. I’m not black, but I was very particular about my children’s toys when they were little.
Ask for specific suggestions, OP.