I’m overwhelmed by everything right now. I don’t have the bandwidth for anything social right now.

To a very good friend, I would totally say this
And we would reconnect later
Does that always sound like a rejection?

Anonymous wrote:I would never say what that woman said!
... but, what exactly should she have said?

Is it really better to "be busy" and then "be busy" again. And again.
Or worse, "maybe next time ..."

I don't think there's ANY good way to deflect a friendship.

But people catch on after a few "I'm busy"s because no one wants to keep extending invitations that get turned down. It's particularly weird because this woman has also invited OP over to her house before, so it's not like this was a one-sided friendship. It would be different if it had been OP inviting them over again and again and this other woman finally just spelled it out and said they weren't interested. But instead they were friends for years and suddenly this woman is like "oh no, we're not interested." That's super strange.

It was such a slap in the face and insanely hurtful, especially when "We're crazy busy right now, can we rain check?" would have been a completely acceptable response

See, I think that's more hurtful. And obnoxious. That's putting the onus on them to ask again - that the only thing "off" is the timing. The person declining "gets' to sound polite, like they are doing a favor by letting the other person pick another time to ask.

And I bet if the two people just happen to bump into each other, the person who previously declined would say, "oh .. and we have to get together. Call me next time ..."

Not nice. Sounds nice at first. But very, not nice.

Omg OP. Agree with everyone, she’s the one who should be mortified (but she never will because that would involve self-awareness)

I would feel the exact same as you but try to brush it off quickly and forget her. You definitely dodged a bullet. That’s insanely rude.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never say what that woman said!
... but, what exactly should she have said?

Is it really better to "be busy" and then "be busy" again. And again.
Or worse, "maybe next time ..."

I don't think there's ANY good way to deflect a friendship.

OP here. I guess something about keeping a small bubble right now?? I feel so humiliated and weirdly vulnerable.

Honestly you were lovely. I’m totally in the market for a campfire with a friend. I’d have been thrilled. It was not you. I understand though have definitely experienced similar thinking acquaintances were actual friends.

Anonymous wrote:I would never say what that woman said!
... but, what exactly should she have said?

Is it really better to "be busy" and then "be busy" again. And again.
Or worse, "maybe next time ..."

I don't think there's ANY good way to deflect a friendship.

Yes. It’s much, much better to “be busy.”

Anonymous wrote:I would never say what that woman said!
... but, what exactly should she have said?

Is it really better to "be busy" and then "be busy" again. And again.
Or worse, "maybe next time ..."

I don't think there's ANY good way to deflect a friendship.

“I’m overwhelmed by everything right now. I don’t have the bandwidth for anything social right now. It sounds very nice though, thank you. Happy holidays!” (which is the sign off for remainder of the year)

Anonymous wrote:I would never say what that woman said!
... but, what exactly should she have said?

Is it really better to "be busy" and then "be busy" again. And again.
Or worse, "maybe next time ..."

I don't think there's ANY good way to deflect a friendship.

OP here. I guess something about keeping a small bubble right now?? I feel so humiliated and weirdly vulnerable.

I would never say what that woman said!
... but, what exactly should she have said?

Is it really better to "be busy" and then "be busy" again. And again.
Or worse, "maybe next time ..."

I don't think there's ANY good way to deflect a friendship.

Ugh wow that’s incredibly rude. You definitely were not in the wrong OP!

Anonymous wrote:Hanging out once a month is not often. It sounds like you need to just let it go. You weren't friends.

You are insane. Hanging out once a month is actually a lot as adult with a spouse and children.

OP - I would just ignore this.

Wtf. That’s so rude. She could have just said they are keeping their bubble small during the pandemic.

You should not be mortified. She was the weird one.

Ugh, stuff like this is why I hate trying to make new friends. I once told a close friend of several years that my husband and I would love to have them over for dinner sometime (something we'd done many times in the past) and she replied, "Ugh, can we not -- I feel like we get together so often and need a break." It was such a slap in the face and insanely hurtful, especially when "We're crazy busy right now, can we rain check?" would have been a completely acceptable response. It didn't kill our friendship right away but eventually it did die and she was the one who acted surprised.

There is a time to be blunt and "responding to a perfectly well-meaning invitation" is not it.

I am cringing over here and I am uninvolved in the situation. Let us know if you responded, OP!

Anonymous wrote:Is she foreign? I have a few Eastern European friends who don't mince words. I take them with a grain of salt and still love them ( that doesn't mean you need to love this woman, just that they are more direct)

IDK that’s less direct than filling in a weird blank.