Anonymous
12/08/2020 22:38
Subject: Strange preference - not being called "she" [not a gender issue]
You can be right or you can have a relationship. Or you can be a narcissist and incapable of relationships.
Anonymous
12/08/2020 21:06
Subject: Re:Strange preference - not being called "she" [not a gender issue]
Your mother is right - it’s rude to use “she” when the person is in earshot. Just say their name.
Anonymous
12/08/2020 19:01
Subject: Strange preference - not being called "she" [not a gender issue]
It is basic courtesy and good manners to refer to someone by their name, at least the first time in a sentence. I’m surprised that people are surprised by this.
My family has a relative by marriage who refers to her husband as “he” in conversation, and never uses his name in a sentence first before using he. It sounds very odd to my ear and makes me wonder why her parents didn’t teach her good manners.
My family has a relative by marriage who refers to her husband as “he” in conversation, and never uses his name in a sentence first before using he. It sounds very odd to my ear and makes me wonder why her parents didn’t teach her good manners.
Anonymous
12/08/2020 18:24
Subject: Re:Strange preference - not being called "she" [not a gender issue]
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Too bad so many people on here don't want their horizons broadened. This isn't old-fashioned. It's just very basic manners. To the PP who feels like it's a stand in so you're not repeating the name over and over again, try to test it out. In most instances, it's one reference, then neither a name or pronoun is called for again. Once you start working on this, you won't believe you ever did it the wrong before.
Op here. This is all so interesting, and I have never heard of anyone but my mom feeling this way.
Pp, I guess I don't understand why "neither a name or pronoun is called for again" after the first reference. I must be missing something.
Guess what Grandma did? Grandma told the dog that he can't have any Thanksgiving turkey, but then she gave him a piece! And then she asked me if she could give Fido more and I said sure, so she gave him another piece and the gravy spoon to lick and said 'Happy Thanksgiving Fido! " (Imagine an 8 year old telling this story out loud in that way that kids get a kick out of odd little things).
So, you're saying each "she" should be replaced with "Grandma?" That would sound very strange to my ear.
It doesn't matter if it sounds "very strange" to your ear. Your mom has made a request about how she wants to be addressed so do what she wants. What is wrong with you?
Anonymous
12/08/2020 18:22
Subject: Re:Strange preference - not being called "she" [not a gender issue]
Anonymous wrote:Regardless of what YOU think of it, OP, you should teach your son to address or refer to his grandmother as she wants to be addressed or referred to when he is in her presence. That is the polite thing to do. You want to train your son to be polite and respectful of his elders, right!?!
No, I don't agree that it is the polite thing to do. If my son's grandmother asked for him not to do something generally considered rude in our society, like calling a grandparent by their first name, sure, I would expect and tell him not to. If she expected to be called something not generally considered necessary for good manners in our culture, like "her royal highness," I would not expect or tell him to.
Way to take it to the extreme. Well done!
You do realize that she isn't asking to be called "her royal highness", right!?! She is asking for her grandchild to be grammatically correct when addressing her. Why on earth would you oppose that?
People like you are actually more of the problem than people like OP's mom because people like you think that it is okay to make things up and then want everyone else to dance on your dime. Sheesh.
Anonymous
12/08/2020 18:17
Subject: Re:Strange preference - not being called "she" [not a gender issue]
Regardless of what YOU think of it, OP, you should teach your son to address or refer to his grandmother as she wants to be addressed or referred to when he is in her presence. That is the polite thing to do. You want to train your son to be polite and respectful of his elders, right!?!
No, I don't agree that it is the polite thing to do. If my son's grandmother asked for him not to do something generally considered rude in our society, like calling a grandparent by their first name, sure, I would expect and tell him not to. If she expected to be called something not generally considered necessary for good manners in our culture, like "her royal highness," I would not expect or tell him to.
Anonymous
12/08/2020 18:14
Subject: Re:Strange preference - not being called "she" [not a gender issue]
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Too bad so many people on here don't want their horizons broadened. This isn't old-fashioned. It's just very basic manners. To the PP who feels like it's a stand in so you're not repeating the name over and over again, try to test it out. In most instances, it's one reference, then neither a name or pronoun is called for again. Once you start working on this, you won't believe you ever did it the wrong before.
Op here. This is all so interesting, and I have never heard of anyone but my mom feeling this way.
Pp, I guess I don't understand why "neither a name or pronoun is called for again" after the first reference. I must be missing something.
Guess what Grandma did? Grandma told the dog that he can't have any Thanksgiving turkey, but then she gave him a piece! And then she asked me if she could give Fido more and I said sure, so she gave him another piece and the gravy spoon to lick and said 'Happy Thanksgiving Fido! " (Imagine an 8 year old telling this story out loud in that way that kids get a kick out of odd little things).
So, you're saying each "she" should be replaced with "Grandma?" That would sound very strange to my ear.
That is because it is strange. If I wrote a paper like that for school, I'd get it back with notes to stop using repetitive "Grandma" and replace with she/her. We learned this in grammar class.
Anonymous
12/08/2020 18:12
Subject: Re:Strange preference - not being called "she" [not a gender issue]
Yup, I get it too. If SHE can hear you, then you should use her name instead of the pronoun.
+1. That’s basic politeness. If She is standing there in the same room, you refer to her as mom or by name, not in third person.
Are you serious? Is that how you talk to adults? After you refer to the person once so that it is clear who you are talking about, it is perfectly polite to use she and her afterwards. We don't talk baby talk to our kids, and we don't ask them to talk baby talk to anyone else either.
Anonymous
12/08/2020 18:10
Subject: Re:Strange preference - not being called "she" [not a gender issue]
Anonymous wrote:Too bad so many people on here don't want their horizons broadened. This isn't old-fashioned. It's just very basic manners. To the PP who feels like it's a stand in so you're not repeating the name over and over again, try to test it out. In most instances, it's one reference, then neither a name or pronoun is called for again. Once you start working on this, you won't believe you ever did it the wrong before.
Op here. This is all so interesting, and I have never heard of anyone but my mom feeling this way.
Pp, I guess I don't understand why "neither a name or pronoun is called for again" after the first reference. I must be missing something.
Guess what Grandma did? Grandma told the dog that he can't have any Thanksgiving turkey, but then she gave him a piece! And then she asked me if she could give Fido more and I said sure, so she gave him another piece and the gravy spoon to lick and said 'Happy Thanksgiving Fido! " (Imagine an 8 year old telling this story out loud in that way that kids get a kick out of odd little things).
So, you're saying each "she" should be replaced with "Grandma?" That would sound very strange to my ear.
Anonymous
12/08/2020 18:09
Subject: Strange preference - not being called "she" [not a gender issue]
Being called mom over and over reminds me of my son's pediatrician, who I find annoying. When a kid is 12, you don't want to hear, "mom is going to take your coat, and then mom is going to step outside for a minute, and then I may want to talk to mom alone about a few things afterwards." Just say she and her. It's weird. Proper pronoun use is never wrong or rude.
Anonymous
12/08/2020 18:05
Subject: Re:Strange preference - not being called "she" [not a gender issue]
Anonymous wrote:I can react to being called "she" and not "mom" when I'm standing right there. It sounds tattle-tale-y like my kid is talking about someone on the playground.
And that is the way you feel. OP's mom feels differently so OP and her son need to respect that.
For what it is worth I agree with you but I would still train my kids to do what my mom wanted when they speak to her or speak about her in her presence.
Anonymous
12/08/2020 18:03
Subject: Re:Strange preference - not being called "she" [not a gender issue]
Regardless of what YOU think of it, OP, you should teach your son to address or refer to his grandmother as she wants to be addressed or referred to when he is in her presence. That is the polite thing to do. You want to train your son to be polite and respectful of his elders, right!?!
Anonymous
12/08/2020 18:02
Subject: Re:Strange preference - not being called "she" [not a gender issue]
I can react to being called "she" and not "mom" when I'm standing right there. It sounds tattle-tale-y like my kid is talking about someone on the playground.
Anonymous
12/08/2020 17:51
Subject: Re:Strange preference - not being called "she" [not a gender issue]
Too bad so many people on here don't want their horizons broadened. This isn't old-fashioned. It's just very basic manners. To the PP who feels like it's a stand in so you're not repeating the name over and over again, try to test it out. In most instances, it's one reference, then neither a name or pronoun is called for again. Once you start working on this, you won't believe you ever did it the wrong before.
Anonymous
12/08/2020 17:45
Subject: Strange preference - not being called "she" [not a gender issue]
I learned something new today! DCUM, you truly have broadened my horizons.