Anonymous
Post 12/01/2020 23:54     Subject: Re:Should I just tell DS what we have in his college fund?
Is he also considering other state schools? UMBC, St. Mary's, etc. He may get more aid there and feel more comfortable in those environments.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2020 23:44     Subject: Re:Should I just tell DS what we have in his college fund?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Op here - thanks for these responses - we will definitely tell DS. I do feel a lot of guilt, which is probably being too hard on myself. Why didn't I save more so that he could go where he'd want? Why don't I sacrifice more so there's money for graduate school? If I had bought a smaller house 10 years ago, or not renovated our bathroom last summer, or put a little less into my 401K. We are not wealthy, so had to make choices, but I read on this board how people can pay full freight for their kids and it makes me feel unhappy.


People on here are not representative of the real world. This sight skews insanely wealthy.

You should never regret saving for retirement over saving for college. You can finance college, you can not finance your own retirement. It should come first.

College costs have sky rocketed in the last 30 years. It is INSANE what they are asking people to pay. It's not worth going into massive debt over. Look around at your coworkers and ask where they went. I bet you can't tell the difference between the UMD and the UNC people. So why pay more for UNC?!


I went to college 25 years ago and it was $40K for privates back then.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2020 23:42     Subject: Should I just tell DS what we have in his college fund?
OP, we listed about 50 colleges from most expensive to least expensive and drew a line to indicate: your choice has to be below this line. It made an impression with DS asking, and thinking about ... why is xx university 2x as expensive as yy?

I did take awhile to sink in. Give the student plenty of time to learn and think about it.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2020 23:33     Subject: Should I just tell DS what we have in his college fund?
Definitely tell him so he can plan. My parents did not tell me until after I was evaluating offers senior year that they planned on funding minimum state school and I’d need to figure out anything else. I was confused as they had encouraged me to apply to Ivies and had money for other things, but turned out college was not a priority. I had pinned my hopes and remember the disappointment and surprise. I think prior messaging would have helped a lot.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2020 23:22     Subject: Should I just tell DS what we have in his college fund?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:DS is a Junior with great stats - he talks of going to schools like UNC, Wake Forest, Case Western (sort of mid-sized schools), where the tuition is $50K plus R&B. We live in Maryland and I'm confident he will be accepted to UMD CP. Quite simply, by the time college rolls around, I'll have somewhere between $275-300K saved for college, to be split between him and his younger sibling. If he chooses to go to UNC, Wake, etc., it will require some merit aid or loans, and he'll still definitely blow through his share of the funds, with nothing left over for grad school, if he chooses to pursue it. If he goes to UMD CP, he'll likely have $50K or so leftover for graduate school or whatever. DS's main gripe with UMD is that it's too large, and too much of a rah-rah football/basketball school, which is not his thing. I don't want to force him there, but think it's the best move and it's diverse enough that he'll find his smaller tribe. He has many friends with more well-off families that are willing to pay full freight to wherever, so he is a little bummed that we aren't that flush with cash.

Anyway, the question is, whether I should just tell DS what's available, and the consequences of his decision, and let him decide? It may mean that he doesn't go to his dream school, which makes me sad because he's worked so hard, but this is also life and for him to understand that we can't always get what we want.

Thanks for listening.


He's not being completely honest with you. Anyone whose main gripe is that a school is too into basketball wouldn't seriously consider UNC. Doesn't really change anything, but his reasons for not wanting UMD CP go beyond sports.


OP’s statement that her kid would likely have $50k left from his share of the college fund after four years at UMD CP suggests that part of the plan is her kid living at home during college. The thing he’s not being completely honest about is very likely that he doesn’t want to live under OP’s roof for college.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2020 22:49     Subject: Re:Should I just tell DS what we have in his college fund?
Same PP from above, also wanted to say that while it’s hard to see others going to their dream schools, the UMD is an amazing school with such great programs. There’s always grad school and other opportunities to attend these schools. My DC is also interested in Case, but they do offer generous merit aid so that is worth considering. Lots of larger, southern state schools give good merit $$ but if your child is anything like mine (which it sounds like), then you’ll probably be avoiding these schools too. Still, make sure to have him to research on schools with good merit aid and outside scholarships, although the latter are extremely competitive
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2020 22:45     Subject: Re:Should I just tell DS what we have in his college fund?
OP, it’s really funny you posted this since we are in the exact same position with my DC. He will likely get into UMD no problem. He is a twin and we have a younger one, so clearly 80k a year is out of the question. He has super high stats, great ECs, and dreams of going to a top school. However, we were very clear with him and he understands that UMD will be completely paid for by us, but that if he chooses to go private or OOS, that there will be some loans involved. He has looked at other schools that give merit aid, it’s just too bad that the schools he likes only do financial or minimal merit aid.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2020 22:33     Subject: Should I just tell DS what we have in his college fund?
Yes, OP. Tell him. You'd be surprised at how reasonable college bound teens can be about use of funds and making a cost-benefit decision.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2020 10:38     Subject: Re:Should I just tell DS what we have in his college fund?
Yes. We had a similar discussion with our oldest, who then chose a state college (W&M) so then we might have some money left to help her with grad school.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2020 10:23     Subject: Should I just tell DS what we have in his college fund?
Anonymous wrote:Can you supplement from your monthly income while he is in school or is $300k the total parental contribution? I think you need to tell him the facts and guide his decision from there.


I wondered the same thing. We are currently saving 2k:month in the 529 so that money will be available as well as the money saved. What are you saving per month?
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2020 10:20     Subject: Re:Should I just tell DS what we have in his college fund?
Anonymous wrote:Op here - thanks for these responses - we will definitely tell DS. I do feel a lot of guilt, which is probably being too hard on myself. Why didn't I save more so that he could go where he'd want? Why don't I sacrifice more so there's money for graduate school? If I had bought a smaller house 10 years ago, or not renovated our bathroom last summer, or put a little less into my 401K. We are not wealthy, so had to make choices, but I read on this board how people can pay full freight for their kids and it makes me feel unhappy.


Op, please don’t feel guilty. I just posted and said I have lots of friends whose kids received merit at Case. I live in what is considered an affluent suburb of a city in another state (not DC area). Everyone I know chases merit - even people who can afford to pay full price out of current earnings. Bc the price of college is insane and they don’t see the value. You have saved a ton for your kids and should be proud. My sibling and I put ourselves through school - really hard to do today at these prices. My dd got merit at her top choice (not a top school) so it costs a few thousand more than our big 10 flagship. She loves it and I’m happy she’s happy but there is no way it’s worth the sticker price. At least people are honest where I live about what they will and won’t do. Glad I’m not in the DC area. You are doing well for your kids op. Once they get out of the bubble, they will see how lucky they are. My dd sees it at college.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2020 10:11     Subject: Should I just tell DS what we have in his college fund?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Yes, of course you should tell him. He may want to apply to some less competitive mid-size schools where he can get merit scholarships to bring the cost down. He might prefer those to UMD-CP. Are you willing to pay for one of his top picks if he gets in? It sounds like you'd rather not, and I think you need to be clear in your own mind about what your upper limit is.


+1

Tell him you have $150K to pay for his undergraduate education, and nothing beyond that.

FWIW, Case Western gave my DC with great stats $30K/year in merit money (no need-based aid).


Agree you should tell him his total amount. If you are going to be adding to siblings fund while ds is in college, maybe ds gets a little more? You need to figure that out. Also, you should let him apply and see where all the packages shake out. I have several friends with kids at Case Western and they all got great merit. So it may end up being similar to Maryland or he may end up having to take out the $5,500 loan. Which you would still need to walk him through but if he wants that environment, it may be worth it. Depending on what he wants to study, he may want to expand his list to other schools that offer merit. He will realize that once he knows how much he has to spend.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2020 09:39     Subject: Re:Should I just tell DS what we have in his college fund?
Anonymous wrote:Op here - thanks for these responses - we will definitely tell DS. I do feel a lot of guilt, which is probably being too hard on myself. Why didn't I save more so that he could go where he'd want? Why don't I sacrifice more so there's money for graduate school? If I had bought a smaller house 10 years ago, or not renovated our bathroom last summer, or put a little less into my 401K. We are not wealthy, so had to make choices, but I read on this board how people can pay full freight for their kids and it makes me feel unhappy.


People on here are not representative of the real world. This sight skews insanely wealthy.

You should never regret saving for retirement over saving for college. You can finance college, you can not finance your own retirement. It should come first.

College costs have sky rocketed in the last 30 years. It is INSANE what they are asking people to pay. It's not worth going into massive debt over. Look around at your coworkers and ask where they went. I bet you can't tell the difference between the UMD and the UNC people. So why pay more for UNC?!