Anonymous wrote:I work in the office for 6 hours (10-4) then log in for another 1-2 hours at night after the kids are asleep. Neither DH or I are big TV people anyway.

This is what I did (pre-pandemic; no commute now for me so not an issue currently). But it meant staying in a very flexible job that was otherwise not a good fit until I found another job that was willing to give me similar flexibility. The flexibility requirement was something I was clear about right up front and, after turning down a few offers that couldn't guarantee what I needed, was able to negotiate into my offer when I did find the right job. DH's job is inflexible so I didn't have much choice; something's gotta give.

We do have family nearby, some more helpful than others, when we get in a pinch. Maybe you could find a nearby college kid or early-retired/non-working empty-nester to help in the morning or with pickup/evening?

We pay for a nanny full time. It's sure worth it when the kids get sick and need to stay home or there's a random holiday school is closed but work isn't, or say ... a pandemic hits and the kids have to do school from home.

2 FT WOH parents here, usually working 45-50 hours in office (plus more at home as necessary.) We used aftercare for DD -- from K-3rd grade or so, she loved it and would get mad if I tried to pick her up before 5:30. In 4th/5th, fewer of her friends used it because they had older siblings who could be home while they were there - or were being chauffeured around to activities by a nanny / au pair.

My daughter used to ask why she couldn't go to before care b/c some of her friends did both and she wanted to hang out with them.

One parent goes late and one parent goes early. When my kids were little like yours, I hardly saw DH. He was a chef. He dropped the kids off in the morning, got some sleep, and I picked up the kids in the evening. I had the kids pretty much all weekend while he either slept or worked. It doesn't last forever.

Anonymous wrote:We have APs. Lots of AP have a split schedule where they are off when kids are at school. The got to the gym. meet up for coffee, etc. You have to be comfortable though to having a young woman living with you. APs are not nannies. They require a lot of handholding. We found the program very rewarding for our family though and cannot wait to return to the program once the pandemic is under control.

This made me laugh because on the relationships forum, AP means something completely different!

I would just sign up for before-care but then look to build more flexibility into start times so that you could minimize how much you used it. It's usually not that expensive (especially when compared to hiring someone) and it's not like you are required to use all of it. It's not like school where a late drop off is a problem (at least in my experience). So pay for it, and even if you only wind up using 15 minutes of it so that you can drop your kid off a little early to make your commute work, it's worth it. Plus there will be other days when you use it all and will be grateful you have it. It just gives you way more flexibility, which is what you need at the moment because of all the different schedules.

Anonymous wrote:Ah good point! Forgot to add I don’t want to do before care. I feel like we’re hardly with our kids the way it is. They are so little and the days are so long. Want to avoid if I can. The Kindergartner could do before care if absolutely necessary. -OP

If your option is to hire help to care for your kids, what's the difference?

We have APs. Lots of AP have a split schedule where they are off when kids are at school. The got to the gym. meet up for coffee, etc. You have to be comfortable though to having a young woman living with you. APs are not nannies. They require a lot of handholding. We found the program very rewarding for our family though and cannot wait to return to the program once the pandemic is under control.

My commute is 10 min so i wait for the bus. Dh is DOD so goes to work by 6 and can be home by 3:30/4.

One parents works early and gets out early the other parent starts late and works later. And you use after/before care.

But, in the world we are in now, most likely, you will be working from home and your kid will be sitting in front of the TV or playing in the yard alone. I don't see before and after care coming back next year - it will still need to be small contained groups with limited exposure.

I think your children need to go to school closer to where you and your husband work.

1). Switch to a private or parochial school near where he works. Car time can be quality time with kids.

2). Look for a job closer to where you live and kids go to school.

3). Move closer to your job.

4). Ask your employer about working from home

5). One or both of you cut your hours and essentially work from home doing the childcare and household management stuff that you don’t want to hire out.

6). Pick up and move to an entirely new city where you can find safe and affordable housing near where you work. Bonus if you have some extended family there who can help out in a pinch.

The only way we made it pre-covid was that DH worked from home. Our elementary school is a block away from our house so DS walked to school and back since 1st grade. This type of independence helps.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ah good point! Forgot to add I don’t want to do before care. I feel like we’re hardly with our kids the way it is. They are so little and the days are so long. Want to avoid if I can. The Kindergartner could do before care if absolutely necessary. -OP

I don't get it. Are you concerned about getting enough time with your kids? Or do your restrictive work schedules make the logistics of kids in two different schools difficult? Either you flex your work to manage your kids' need, or you pay someone to handle the logistics. The paying someone can involve a nanny or before/after care. Time spent in a car driving your kid is still time spent.

FWIW, I've got a 1st grader and pre-schooler. We kept the kids' nanny, even pre-pandemic, so she could drive kids to their schools, handle the frequent days off that an elementary school child has, handle sick days, etc. She had always grocery shopped, cooked, and run errands for us...and she continued to do that during the hours pre-schooler was at school. Sure, pre-pandemic she was probably not working as "hard" as she did when the kids were babies and toddlers, but it was/is still worth it for us...and, frankly, after dealing with two babies/toddlers for years she deserved a slower period in her professional life. COVID has obviously ruined that completely.

This. You have to determine your priorities, OP, if you're lucky to be able to have options, and go from there.

DH and I have super flexible jobs that let us avoid before care. But if our school was on a later start time, we might well use it and then either forego aftercare entirely or pick them up early from it, around 4:30. We've made trade-offs in our careers to have these current, super flexible positions.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We kept our nanny. There was no other way for us and so much better than extended care. It’s a financial sacrifice but worth it to have loving and dependable care.

Does your nanny cook, clean, run errands for you while kids are at school?

Not clean beyond kids rooms, closets and playroom but she does all errands and all grocery shopping, meal prep, and home management (waiting for handyman, house cleaners, deliveries, payments, etc).

Basically Sahm stuff. I wish I had a sahm to help me! I don’t want to become one though....

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We kept our nanny. There was no other way for us and so much better than extended care. It’s a financial sacrifice but worth it to have loving and dependable care.

Does your nanny cook, clean, run errands for you while kids are at school?

Not clean beyond kids rooms, closets and playroom but she does all errands and all grocery shopping, meal prep, and home management (waiting for handyman, house cleaners, deliveries, payments, etc).