Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband doesn’t do simple things around the house and for himself and then claims I’m bossing him around? For example, I’ll cook dinner and serve it. He gets up from the table and goes to play video games. I ask him “hey do you mind putting your plate in the sink?” And he gets huffy with me. Another time is when I’m in bed already, he’s in the living room watching tv and gets up to come to bed. When he comes in the room, he’s getting under the covers and I said “honey, are you going to turn the tv off?” He gets huffy again and says “I’m sick of you bossing me around”.

Same response when I told him he had food on his face and to wipe his left cheek.


Generally I have a pleasant demeanor and am not accusatory or anything. What do you do to not come across bossy?

F that. This is not about you, it's HIS problem.

Him: "I'm sick of you bossing me around."

You: "Then take some goddamn responsibility and take care of your own $h!t without having to be told."

That’s such a terrible unhealthy dynamic. Why get married just to bicker like that?

No, what they're doing now is bickering. And being a doormat is hardly a healthy dynamic. OP needs to firmly say what she means and shut this nonsense down.

Anonymous wrote:A lot of us have the incompetent spouse problem. You have to decide what’s important to you and do it yourself. Have a calm conversation about division of labor and then stick to it. Don’t do his part. Let the dishes pile up, etc. Then when it impacts you that he hasn’t done his part, explain why it sucks, eg “I want to cook dinner and I can’t because the dishes aren’t done and it is making me angry.” “I don’t want to clear your plate for you because it makes me resentful.” “I can’t sleep because you left the tv on.”

Try to explain why it is bothering you instead of talking to him like he’s a particularly stupid child, even though he is acting like a particularly stupid child. You have to still talk to him like an adult and that means explaining your feelings instead of appealing to some theoretically shared standard for household behavior.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“I’m not trying to boss you around. But we all have to be courteous and clean up after ourselves in the household. Plus it sets a good example for the kids. We all contribute. What’s a better way to approach this?”

This. Have a conversation with him asking how he would you approach this. If he responds with “So what if I leave my plate at the table?” I’d reply with “So your expectation is that in addition to cooking a meal for you, I’m here to clean up after you so that you can get to a video game. Is that it?”

I would turn this around slightly and talk about how it makes you feel unappreciated. That way it's not accusatory or condescending. The "how would you handle it" question is a little too indirect for me and maybe even slightly passive aggressive.

Anonymous wrote:Wow you put up with a lot more than I would. He sounds like my 10 year old son *if* I would let him get away with it--but I do tell my 10 year old, clear your plate, put in the dishwasher, clean up your mess, etc. I do it so that when he is an adult, he does it himself and does not expect someone else to do it. It takes me longer and is more effort in the short run to teach the kids to do things for themselve but pays off later.

If my dh told me he was sick of me "bossing him around" when I asked him to (barely) pull his weight, I'd tell him he was free to leave and live on his own and answer to no one but himself but I that I signed up for an equal partnership, not servitude.

and yeah, no more dinner for him.


and fwiw my DH is decent about doing his share but after the third or 4th time he criticized how I was folding his shirts, I came up with a brilliant solution: he can do his own damn laundry. When he grumbles now that he has no clean clothes (and has filled up two hampers) I merely make a noncommittal hmmm.

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he had some issues with his mother and has displaced anger towards you about it.

Anonymous wrote:You played the mommy role to him before marriage and now you want him to actually act like a responsible mature adult. Lol good luck

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you marry a man child? There had to have been signs of this behavior when dating.

Like what?

He ate out a ton, had roommates who hired cleaners, and only owned a Br worth of furniture, 5 shirts, shorts, slacks and shoes.

Anonymous wrote:Why did you marry a man child? There had to have been signs of this behavior when dating.