Anonymous wrote:There was a time when all they did was for you. You will turn out the same way. Stop complaining.

Anonymous wrote:I also see the shrinking of life activities turning into hyper focus on those activities. I will hear about "that upcoming dentist appointment" for six weeks before, and the angst about it goes up the closer we get. I swear agoraphobia has set in and just leaving the house is stress-inducing.

Anonymous wrote:This post is so enlightening. I've felt this way about my mother for several years now and can't say I recall her being quite so selfish and narcissistic when I was younger. My spouse thinks it's because we didn't have as much in common when I was younger as we do now that I'm also a mother etc. But I've felt like it's age or dementia or something.

You can't make a single statement to the woman without her framing it in her direct experiences. Like to the point where we just painted our kitchen and she was like "oh yeah, that's like what I painted [some part of her house]. Spoiler alert, it's not at all. Or "oh you just moved, well I'm buying new furniture too." These aren't the strongest examples but every single thing feels like a pissing match.

When does it become so hard for people to just say "oh yeah, that's really nice!" Or "great job" or something?

It's to the point where I don't even want to say anything because I'm too exhausted to deal. Like others have said, let her prattle on while I do something else.

Anonymous wrote:You just described most baby boomers. This isn’t an age thing. They’ve always been like that.

My mom has maybe a 5 minute quota of interest in other people in any conversation. After that, it needs to be about her or she gets bored. Thankfully, when we’re on the phone I can just let her prattle on and I can do something else. She doesn’t even notice.

Anonymous wrote:Seriously? I mean my grandmother at 93, will talk about 5-10 min about herself but then she says, enough about me, it’s boring. And then she loves hearing what’s going on in my life. It’s a personality thing.

Anonymous wrote:Seriously? I mean my grandmother at 93, will talk about 5-10 min about herself but then she says, enough about me, it’s boring. And then she loves hearing what’s going on in my life. It’s a personality thing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is very common in many older people. As they age they become increasingly self-absorbed. Some of my elderly relatives will talk about nothing other than their myriad ailments, real and imaginary.

+1

Yup. I've know my MIL 30 years and it is the same for all that time.

Anonymous wrote:It's really refreshing to read these responses, because I've been feeling this way about my folks and was worried it was just me.

Mine have honestly always been very self-absorbed, but it's getting worse lately. They are in their late 60's, and while I know not all Boomers are this way, they are stereotypical of their generation in that generally, things have gone their way and they've lived very charmed lives. Not saying they weren't smart or didn't work hard, but theirs was a path of far less resistance compared to others. They were charismatic and attractive as young people and got a lot of attention and praise for it.

Now they are getting older, their world is getting much smaller. Perhaps the downside of easily finding success and getting attention for things that are beyond your control is that you may not develop much character. They aren't very interesting people to talk to. They don't have much perspective or wisdom, and they really struggle with empathy. I've noticed that a number of their longtime friends have pulled back in years. Others have serious health problems, so my folks aren't getting as much socialization (and both had very socially-oriented careers). They were used to a very full social calendar and people always wanting to get together. Now (and also with Covid), that isn't happening.

They also have very few emotional coping skills, so every setback is major. They were always healthy and active when they were younger and seemingly thought they were invincible, so the physical limitations they are facing have come as a nasty surprise. For the first time in their lives, things are not going their way in a profound sense, so any time I speak with them, it's just a litany of challenges that they're apoplectic at having to face.

Anonymous wrote:^But I do think the ones who just aren’t up for doing as much bc understandably they’re tired etc but still do SOMETHING are still better off than those who do nothing at all. Sure their world is smaller than it used to be and likely smaller than they like but it’s still not as small as those who have zero interest or involvement and then it’s about health.