Anonymous
Post 11/21/2020 04:00     Subject: What has your child taught you about yourself?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:How much quiet, shy kids bore/annoy us. DH and I are both outgoing and all our kids are outgoing. Thank god. Never really noticed/realized until we compared them to other kids who have an issue coming out of their shell, especially during covid.


This is weird. Quiet kids annoy you?


Uhhm maybe annoy is too strong. Kids who you really have to bring out of their shell, or who are very shy/don't talk. Not talking special needs here- just kids without a lot of personality I think is weird because it's the antithesis of what being a kid should be. I'll just say I 'get' more vocal kids and it's easier to know what they are thinking/how they are feeling/what they need and to have fun hanging with them/bonding/communicating, etc. I don't go around hating quiet kids, I just appreciate that ours are outgoing- not hyper or motormouths, but able to converse/share ideas and keep it going.


Many quiet kids are super deep and fun once you get to know them.
But it’s good to be aware that most adults are shallow like you.
Anonymous
Post 11/21/2020 01:08     Subject: What has your child taught you about yourself?
Anonymous wrote:That I have little patience with a lot of noise and movement.



It's the quiet sounds that bother me the most. I hate the sound of my children eating. On the other hand, I have an amazing ability to block out the screams coming from the next room.
Anonymous
Post 11/21/2020 01:05     Subject: What has your child taught you about yourself?
Anonymous wrote:What a child I am! I can spend all day singing songs, playing barbies and swinging at playgrounds. I see people judge me for taking to my kids in grocery stores, playing on playgrounds and singing on hikes, but whatever. I’m only out to please my tots and they adore me. I love everything about toddlers- the songs, the toys, the books, and just their point of view. My daughter truly thinks unicorns exist and I will cry the day someone disabuses her of that notion. The world is mean, kids grow up too soon, and you only have one childhood.

I will say that at 8pm I’m DONE. And there is no more mom or dad until 8am. I have zero tolerance (unless they’re sick) for kids not going to bed on time and not sleeping. I know that so many co sleep and are up all night with kids. Nope. Our kids also stay in their rooms until 8am.

I have zero tolerance for a few things and for the rest I’m so flexible. People really aren’t black and white and we’re normally in the gray somewhere.


You sound horrible. Little kids go through so many sleep issues. You seriously don’t go lay with them and rub their backs when they’re just needing you? But you’re proud of bringing them to grocery stores during a pandemic?!
Anonymous
Post 11/21/2020 00:51     Subject: What has your child taught you about yourself?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:How much quiet, shy kids bore/annoy us. DH and I are both outgoing and all our kids are outgoing. Thank god. Never really noticed/realized until we compared them to other kids who have an issue coming out of their shell, especially during covid.


This is weird. Quiet kids annoy you?


Uhhm maybe annoy is too strong. Kids who you really have to bring out of their shell, or who are very shy/don't talk. Not talking special needs here- just kids without a lot of personality I think is weird because it's the antithesis of what being a kid should be. I'll just say I 'get' more vocal kids and it's easier to know what they are thinking/how they are feeling/what they need and to have fun hanging with them/bonding/communicating, etc. I don't go around hating quiet kids, I just appreciate that ours are outgoing- not hyper or motormouths, but able to converse/share ideas and keep it going.


...but how do you know if the child doesn't have special needs? So many special needs are invisible or not readily apparent.

I know a beautiful, sweet, and intelligent child who is working very hard to overcome a severe language disorder. He presents as very shy/reserved and tends to use shorter sentences because he has better control over his speech with shorter phrases and that way most folks don't suspect any issues. I'm sure you would characterize him as "boring" and someone you have to work hard to "bring him out of his shell". What an unbecoming look for you, PP.



I'll just back out of this post as I seemed to have triggered some with my response. I am talking only about what our kids have taught us. I don't hate your children. I'm not making assumptions about special needs/why your kid may be feeling quiet or loud. I am talking only about our experience with our kids and our friends kids/our kids friends. I'll reword it: Having children has taught us how much we like outgoing kids who chat and draw others out of their shells. I like that they have never met a stranger and I have learned more about how we see the world based on how they see theirs. Carry on.
Anonymous
Post 11/21/2020 00:38     Subject: What has your child taught you about yourself?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:How much quiet, shy kids bore/annoy us. DH and I are both outgoing and all our kids are outgoing. Thank god. Never really noticed/realized until we compared them to other kids who have an issue coming out of their shell, especially during covid.


This is weird. Quiet kids annoy you?


Uhhm maybe annoy is too strong. Kids who you really have to bring out of their shell, or who are very shy/don't talk. Not talking special needs here- just kids without a lot of personality I think is weird because it's the antithesis of what being a kid should be. I'll just say I 'get' more vocal kids and it's easier to know what they are thinking/how they are feeling/what they need and to have fun hanging with them/bonding/communicating, etc. I don't go around hating quiet kids, I just appreciate that ours are outgoing- not hyper or motormouths, but able to converse/share ideas and keep it going.


Impossible to assess. My child is super outgoing at home but incredibly shy and quiet around other people. Until she gets used to them and feels safe, and then she's outgoing again.

I'm glad you enjoy your own kids, but comparing the behavior of your kids to other kids is impossible because you will never know other kids as you know your own. And for that matter -- you will never really know what your kids are like when you aren't around.


THIS.

DD and her 3 friends are doing DL from our home. 3 outgoing girls, one shy one. I basically left her alone, didn’t place any socialization demands on her, and it turns out that she’s a delightful young lady. She is bursting with questions and ideas. She’ll come sit next to me and draw. Or talk. She’ll ask for my opinions on her art and her writing. She’s happy to try out “new” foods that I make. She just needed a little time and space to really show her personality, and I’m really glad for the opportunity to get to know her.
Anonymous
Post 11/20/2020 23:12     Subject: Re:What has your child taught you about yourself?
That there are many different ways to create a beautiful life. To not take for granted how easily things came to me as a kid.

+ 1 million on having my eyes opened to the abuses in my FOO.
Anonymous
Post 11/20/2020 22:53     Subject: Re:What has your child taught you about yourself?
Anonymous wrote:That I'm silly and funny. I have been keeping my silly side under wraps most of my life due a stifling home life growing up and a serious career, but being a mom allows me to fly my freak flag and my daughter finds it delightful. My husband likes it, too -- it's been nice for him to get to see a lighter side of me. And because they are so encouraging of it, I feel less self-conscious in general. Becoming a parent has made me feel like myself for the first time in my adult life. I feel more connected to who I was as a child and have been re-investing in old interests and just generally been more kind and accepting of myself. Such a gift (on top of my daughter, who is perhaps the most delightful person I've ever met).


I've learned that I'm funny but not at all silly. It's worked out okay, but was interesting to discover.
Anonymous
Post 11/20/2020 21:52     Subject: What has your child taught you about yourself?
How unaffectionate I am. After dealing with the kids all day, I do not want to be touched and I feel bad because my girls always want to lay on me at night. I've also realized how sensitive I am to noise. My house was always quiet and calm growing up but with 3 kids, it feels like a madhouse.
Anonymous
Post 11/20/2020 21:15     Subject: Re:What has your child taught you about yourself?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
13+ years down the road, I don't regret it at all.


And you never think it can happen to you?


1. You're a butthole who is projecting. Treat your kids better and they won't ditch you later in life.

2. It would be highly unlikely that this would happen to me because at 13, my child's life to this point is NIGHT AND DAY from my childhood. Additionally, I treat my kid lovingly not cold with equal doses of competitiveness and jealousy.



Agree 100%!! Some day I will tell my kid that I don't talk to my own mother and explain why, in whatever age appropriate way. And that will be a lesson that he does not need to put up with abusive people in his life. I would much rather teach that, than the idea that you are obligated to entertain abusive people til the end of your days because they happened to be your parents.
Anonymous
Post 11/20/2020 20:41     Subject: What has your child taught you about yourself?
I am more patient than I thought I could ever be, but when I am overwhelmed (maybe once a month) I can snap on a dime and I don’t even realize when things are about to blow!

I love to do baking, science, and craft projects with kids who are being good.

I have a strong intuition and things work out well when I just listen to it.

I haaaate pretend play!

My mom was the worst in a lot of ways! She would regularly be late picking me up, I would expect it and just sit and wait. I now realize how embarrassing that was and how weird it was. At the time I just dismissed it.

My faith is stronger now that I have chosen to teach it to them!
Anonymous
Post 11/19/2020 23:14     Subject: Re:What has your child taught you about yourself?
Anonymous wrote:
13+ years down the road, I don't regret it at all.


And you never think it can happen to you?


1. You're a butthole who is projecting. Treat your kids better and they won't ditch you later in life.

2. It would be highly unlikely that this would happen to me because at 13, my child's life to this point is NIGHT AND DAY from my childhood. Additionally, I treat my kid lovingly not cold with equal doses of competitiveness and jealousy.

Anonymous
Post 11/19/2020 21:29     Subject: What has your child taught you about yourself?
Anonymous wrote:How much quiet, shy kids bore/annoy us. DH and I are both outgoing and all our kids are outgoing. Thank god. Never really noticed/realized until we compared them to other kids who have an issue coming out of their shell, especially during covid.


This is weird. My 1st daughter reacts differently depending on the environment. Rah rah your kids must get all the tickets at Chuck-e-cheese.

Anonymous
Post 11/19/2020 20:44     Subject: What has your child taught you about yourself?
My tone can be too harsh when I am just being stern.
Anonymous
Post 11/19/2020 18:48     Subject: Re:What has your child taught you about yourself?
13+ years down the road, I don't regret it at all.


And you never think it can happen to you?
Anonymous
Post 11/19/2020 17:42     Subject: What has your child taught you about yourself?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I thought I had resolved my issues from my FOO, but having a child dug them all back up. I would have never done to my DC what my parents did to me, and I had to grieve all over again.


I think this is so common. It certainly happened for me. I have had to distance myself from my parents since having a child. There is a lot of stuff from my childhood that I have defended for years as being "understandable" because of my parents' backgrounds and how young they were when they became parents. But having my own baby, I just can't imagine doing or saying to her what they did to me. It was easier for me to be empathetic before I had my own experience of parenthood, at which point the resentment bubbled up.


Same here.


Me too. My oldest is hitting some milestones that have taken me back in time to when I was his age. My Mom isn't faring well in the comparisons. I haven't shared these thoughts with her because she tends to gloss over past hurts with "I don't remember that" or "you're in your 40s now, haven't you let go of that?" Well, no. I haven't.


+20

I stopped talking to my mother when I was about six months pregnant because I already saw terrible my parents were at parenting before I gave birth… Best decision I've ever made (and I'm convinced she has NPD as well).

13+ years down the road, I don't regret it at all.