Anonymous wrote:Early on in our relationship, my future wife brought me along to her family’s beach house in Delaware. Well, it turns out us younger people were expected to sleep on air matresses in the living floor.

I did it for one night because I didn’t have any choice. In the morning, I got up and told her if that ever happened again, we were done. It’s never happened again.

You sound like quite the diva.

Early on in our relationship, my future wife brought me along to her family’s beach house in Delaware. Well, it turns out us younger people were expected to sleep on air matresses in the living floor.

I did it for one night because I didn’t have any choice. In the morning, I got up and told her if that ever happened again, we were done. It’s never happened again.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why people are so dramatic about sharing a bathroom. But I grew up in a house with one bathroom, and in the event of a potty emergency, a basement toilet. That's how my parents grew up too (and they were from huge families). You just get in, do your business, and get out. If you take too long of a shower, you might have to deal with someone coming in to go pee while you're in there.

I grew up like this too. Now I have 2 bathrooms per person. There have been times when it was just enough. I am not sharing a shower with anyone but my husband.

That seems extreme. OP's parents would need to have 16 bathrooms!

This happens to us at MIL/FIL's house. Plus everyone brings their dogs. It's the worst and I'm so glad we're not going for thanksgiving this year. They have a 4 bedroom house so besides the master they have 2 queen beds and 1 twin. We make SIL sleep at fiancee's house. Infants can sleep in PNP in room with you. Littler kids squeeze on floor in twin bed room. Maybe your folks want to get a rollaway mini crib for the babies instead of or in addition to a PNP?

Now that our kids are a little bigger, there's no longer enough beds for all of us. Next time we go, I hope we can just sleep at DH's cousins' house? It will cause a stir with MIL/FIL, but they have to see that they've run out of room. It's not personal!

Your marriages will all be helped if you go to a hotel

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why people are so dramatic about sharing a bathroom. But I grew up in a house with one bathroom, and in the event of a potty emergency, a basement toilet. That's how my parents grew up too (and they were from huge families). You just get in, do your business, and get out. If you take too long of a shower, you might have to deal with someone coming in to go pee while you're in there.
^^
See if I'm taking a shower and my BIL comes in to pee, I'm not going to be very happy. I do not stay in people's homes if I need to share a bathroom with a man who is not my husband.

Then don't. But for some people sharing a bathroom is NBD, if people are walking in on you then there are larger boundary issues that need to be addressed, or a lock needs to be installed.

YES! I'm from a modest upbringing and sharing of bathrooms was definitely no big deal. But it never - NEVER - occurred to any of us to even think about going into an occupied bathroom. Unless you have raging diarrhea or are projectile vomiting, most other functions can wait the 5-10 minutes while someone is in the shower. Who are these people who just walk into someones bathroom and start peeing - while someone else is in the shower? I can't believe that grown adults would do this, related or not.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:9:27 again- oh and my parents did kind of flip their shit the first time. They come from big pile-in families where everyone shared a room growing up and we always stayed with family than visiting them. They didn’t really get it. But you know what? They got over it. It’s fine now.

Yep. I admit it is sort of wild and crazy fun with everyone there. But nobody gets any sleep and it sucks also. I think my parents think it's self-indulgent to spend the money on the hotel, like it's more virtuous to suffer.

PP you are quoting and YES! Pretty sure my parents think this way too.

And yeah as a kid family reunions were loads of fun. But right now with three kids under the age of 5 (between my sister and I) and the configuration of my parents (now downsized) house, it was just a hot mess and no one got any sleep.

I remember it being a blast for me, as a kid, probably because I had no responsibility for how it went, and probably because what I remember as a super fun time my parents remember as children behaving badly. It's much less a blast when you're an adult.

We pile into my inlaws house with 3 adult couples and 3 grand kids - but there are 2 extra full bathrooms and a powder room. The kids sleep in the parents room until they are 2-3. Now the bedrooms are too small for the kids and their parents, so the kids sleep on the floor in the grandparents room.
Finding places to sleep is not a big deal with couches or a finished basement. The bathroom in your situation is what would break me and send me to a hotel.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:9:27 again- oh and my parents did kind of flip their shit the first time. They come from big pile-in families where everyone shared a room growing up and we always stayed with family than visiting them. They didn’t really get it. But you know what? They got over it. It’s fine now.

Yep. I admit it is sort of wild and crazy fun with everyone there. But nobody gets any sleep and it sucks also. I think my parents think it's self-indulgent to spend the money on the hotel, like it's more virtuous to suffer.

PP you are quoting and YES! Pretty sure my parents think this way too.

And yeah as a kid family reunions were loads of fun. But right now with three kids under the age of 5 (between my sister and I) and the configuration of my parents (now downsized) house, it was just a hot mess and no one got any sleep.

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why people are so dramatic about sharing a bathroom. But I grew up in a house with one bathroom, and in the event of a potty emergency, a basement toilet. That's how my parents grew up too (and they were from huge families). You just get in, do your business, and get out. If you take too long of a shower, you might have to deal with someone coming in to go pee while you're in there.
^^
See if I'm taking a shower and my BIL comes in to pee, I'm not going to be very happy. I do not stay in people's homes if I need to share a bathroom with a man who is not my husband.

Then don't. But for some people sharing a bathroom is NBD, if people are walking in on you then there are larger boundary issues that need to be addressed, or a lock needs to be installed.

I don't understand why people are so dramatic about sharing a bathroom. But I grew up in a house with one bathroom, and in the event of a potty emergency, a basement toilet. That's how my parents grew up too (and they were from huge families). You just get in, do your business, and get out. If you take too long of a shower, you might have to deal with someone coming in to go pee while you're in there.
^^
See if I'm taking a shower and my BIL comes in to pee, I'm not going to be very happy. I do not stay in people's homes if I need to share a bathroom with a man who is not my husband.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You stay in a hotel or get an airbnb or you and your family crowd into your old childhood bedroom.

Here is what you dont do, if you want your siblings to like you: You do not expect them to give up your childhood bedroom to you or your kid. My older sister expected me to stop staying at my parents' once she had kids. Nope, sorry. Just because I am childless doesnt mean I dont get to stay in my bedroom. I still count, too. You want more space, YOU go stay in a hotel.

SOrry, this should have said, you do not expect your sibling to give up THEIR childhood bedroom to you or your kid.

Actually it sounds like OP’s childfree sibling already gave up their room — they stay with the fiancé’s family. But the 2 married children are having a baby and there’s still not enough space.

Anonymous wrote:Why are people so offended by hotels? I think it's such a gift when someone stays in a hotel instead of with me.

Seriously. My parents are weird about that too, but I don’t care. We always stay at a hotel when visiting people.

Anonymous wrote:Brother stays with fiancé at her parents house
Baby stays with each couple- figure out a way.
When older cousins sleep in same room (brother who stays with me laws bedroom) and couples stay where they are.

Or go to hotel- although that has its own issues with staggered bedtimes and wake up times .

This exactly

There's no way to do it and to keep everyone's ideas of shoving into a tiny house in tact.

You just gotta rip the band aid off. Don't make your DH and your kid miserable because you can't have a hard conversation with your parents.

Also, how does your SIL feel about this? You may not need to know now, but if you can be a united front with her/brother about this that will help.