I find it strange that people frame it this way, about being able to afford kids. Anyone can afford kids. And most people’s income goes up over time, so they become more and more affordable as you go.

We had our first in grad school in our 20s. The question of if we could “afford” a baby wasn’t a factor. We lived in a studio apartment, and it was very cozy and pleasant with a new baby. Now we have 2 and expecting a 3rd in our mid 30s in a comfortable (not huge) suburban house.

I have a good friend raising two kids on 80K. They live in a very basic (but safe) rental highrise apartment in Alexandria. Soon they will be making more (once her husband gets his degree.) They are also 40 but prioritized having kids over achieving financial well being first.

At 300K, you have a *lot* of income. Question is more along the lines of how to tighten up on spending and embrace the trade-offs involved. It may be worth looking at the Mr. Money Mustache forums - the people there tend towards a combination of unreasonably frugal / unreasonably hopeful about investment returns, but if you look at their "case studies" section, you can see how they go about looking deep into various people's budgets. In fact, just the exercise of keeping track of spending can be quite eye-opening.

We're ~160K, four kids, stay at home spouse, elderly in-laws live with us and need support, one kid in private, and save money. We're not super tight-fisted, I think. But cars are > 10 years old, we mow our own lawn, no housekeeping, restaurant visits less than once a month. This lets us afford two vacations a year - once to the beach during off-season, once to drive a few hours to visit family. We live further out than McLean, though.

We're okay with messy and imperfect.

Anonymous wrote:3 kids is nothing....

My mother’s neighbor were up to five or six when they hit 40 and now have ten total. Wife is a SAHM and husband is an engineer so probably makes no more than$300k

Here’s how they do it:

1. No $ towards college for any of them.
2. Hand me downs.
3. Not sure that the kids do a ton of outside activities besides church stuff
4. Went to some private Christian school on financial aid
5. Live in Howard county instead of someplace closer in.

I wouldn’t say that there kids seem happy per se but they definitely are well adjusted and kind. Certainly not my vision of raising kids but seems to work for them. I will say though there is no way this would have worked if any of their children had any sort of SN.

Wow, this is my dream. I have an SN kid already so we are thinking to move to NJ or PA to make it work. (Much better services there)

Your standards are higher than others’. If you live in a crappy condo and send your kids to the overcrowded public schools like many on this thread, you could afford 3 kids in your 30’s on a measly 200-300k. One poster said they save “a bunch” with 3 kids and 180k hhi. Lol what is a bunch? To you, that may be 300k/yr or more, but it might be only 50-100k for this poster. If you were willing to compromise much of your lifestyle to have kids, you could and would have.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does it have to do with ivf? We are 33 with 3 kids. We live in the DC area, 5 bedroom, 5 bath house and have two vehicles. We both work, HHI is 200k. Children go to public school. We live ok and not beyond our means. Two vacations a year (one as a family and one just husband and I). Our vehicles we buy used and drive them until they die. Family babysits for us for free

No idea re the IVF.

Also OP it depends on your vision of what having kids means. Is there an ideal or are you willing to go with the flow? Do you have to live in Lyon Village or will Ashburn do? Do you need to buy out a store for infant clothes or are you willing to freecycle and wash frequently?
Thank
I'm not judging you. I wanted to have a kid when I could afford all the 'niceties' in life. Including where I chose to live and the aid of a night nanny. But many people want kids ASAP and they choose to forgo those in order to have that joy in their life immediately.

Its about choices.

You’re right. I definitely wanted the niceties. I love in a very upscale DC suburb. But I see people everywhere on their 30s with 3, 4, 5 kids and I am heartbroken about what did I do wrong? I always intended to have a 2-3 kid family (would have loved 4) but I never could make ends meet u til really recently and I’m an incredibly hard worker.

McLean or Potomac?

McLean

So MOVE. No one ever insisted you stay in McLean. Tons of more affordable suburbs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Umm people make it work. You don’t need a shit ton of money to have kids.

That's VERY untrue with the high costs of childcare in this area. Housing too, but mostly childcare.

Making it work can include being a Stay at home parent or moving to a cheaper area. People absolutely do make it work. Maybe not up to your standards but it is done all the time.

This is insane. We had a kid on 100k income while still pursuing higher ed because we knew we’d be risking infertility as we aged but we could always make more money in the future. We should make in the 300s in our forties but honestly we can afford everything we need on 100 right now and the baby doesn’t care one bit that we live in a small apartment

I don’t know! It’s not about age either. I think having 3 kids is really irresponsible. Replace yourself and be done. OP, I hope you’re successful in having at least 1 (or 2!)

3 kids is nothing....

My mother’s neighbor were up to five or six when they hit 40 and now have ten total. Wife is a SAHM and husband is an engineer so probably makes no more than$300k

Here’s how they do it:

1. No $ towards college for any of them.
2. Hand me downs.
3. Not sure that the kids do a ton of outside activities besides church stuff
4. Went to some private Christian school on financial aid
5. Live in Howard county instead of someplace closer in.

I wouldn’t say that there kids seem happy per se but they definitely are well adjusted and kind. Certainly not my vision of raising kids but seems to work for them. I will say though there is no way this would have worked if any of their children had any sort of SN.

Anonymous wrote:OP your backstory is very confusing. You didn’t go to college and struggled in your 30s but suddenly started making 300k at 40? That’s an odd set of facts. In any case the answer is that other people prioritized having children. Some of them can afford them and some cannot.

+1 I'm also confused by OP....

Anonymous wrote:Umm people make it work. You don’t need a shit ton of money to have kids.

That's VERY untrue with the high costs of childcare in this area. Housing too, but mostly childcare.

People just have different standards when it comes to lifestyle and child rearing. We are both 30 and have 3 under 3 but we own a modest home in a safe but not upscale neighborhood. Our kids will attend public schools and we won’t be doing much traveling over the next few years. We chose this because we love being parents and what brings us the most joy is growing and nurturing our family. I know lots of people would much prefer one child and a more luxurious lifestyle and that’s their choice! I wouldn’t worry too much about what other people have, most of us don’t have it all and it sounds like you had a child along with the lifestyle you want. You don’t need to have it all if what you have makes you happy.

I’m sorry op, I wish this wasn’t on recent topics I think you’d get more understanding from the infertility group.

You did the best you could. You took care of your family. You wanted to give Future kids stability. It’s devastating. It also happens though, to women in their 30’s, and some in their 20’s. No point in looking backward. Give yourself time to mourn your dream. Then look forward and realize you have many other options.