Anonymous wrote:I'd be worried he'd struggle with postpartum cheating. What does he do when you have your period ? Twice a day once in a while is great but not every day.

Uh, you know women can have sex while menstruating, right? We’re not banished to the red tent anymore.

In my 20s, I wished that my husband had a higher drive. I bought a vibrator and was quite happy. Now that we have 2 kids and I'm in peri-menopause, I am really happy I did not marry a high drive man.

Anonymous wrote:Let's trade boyfriends, mine is happy with 3 times a week. It's infuriating

Mine likes twice a month, scheduled. Do I lose? That said 2x a day and 20+ minutes to come sounds like it could be a bit much. It’s not quite there, but that is borderline compulsive to me and the fact it now hurts seems insensitive.

Let's trade boyfriends, mine is happy with 3 times a week. It's infuriating

Op I married a man like this! For 8 years he had to have sex every single day and he took forever so I would get so sore also. Even after I gave birth he was badgering me for sex before the healing period. Ugh. It got to the point where I couldn’t stand it anymore and dreaded going to bed at night knowing the protocol. Definitely was a factor in our divorce. Sexually incompatible. Btw I knew the night he didn’t want sex was because he was having it with someone else.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you live together?

OP here. We live together. He isn’t hurting me. I get sore but this is no abuse or violence. He has an issue where he can’t orgasm quickly and sex lasts 20+ minutes before he can orgasm. That’s a lot for me. I’ve had sex with past partners everyday but it was quickies and I was fine.

Yeah this is what I’m talking about. I posted earlier about not understanding when I was younger that the issue was him, not me. 20+ minute sex twice a day would make a lot of women sore. I think you need to explain to him that it’s not pleasurable for you because you are getting sore. Plus, if you only had sex once a day or once every other day, he probably would orgasm sooner.

OP here. We have had sex a couple do items a week when he was out of town or when we were sick, etc., and he still has the same issue. He said he has always and issue no matter the frequency or who he is with or by himself.

Well, that’s doesn’t mean you have to have intercourse until he come if that makes you sore. Have sex for as long as is comfortable for you, then ask him to stop and switch to something else. Hand job, oral, whatever.

Or he can finish himself. Seriously, two times a day is too much after a year. He sounds like a sex addict. He probably masturbates a lot, too, and you just aren't aware of it.

You're 35. Dump his ass.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been dating my boyfriend for over a year. Things are going really well. I’m super happy but I’m finding it hard to keep up with his sex drive. I’m a very high sex drive person and love daily sex, but he wants it multiple times a day. He will usually want it in the morning and at night. We are very into exploring and my body is so sore after sex. I would be more happy with every other day or once a night. I have told him before how it’s crazy how much sex he wants and he just laughs and says it’s because I turn him on too much. I don’t want him to think he’s not satisfying me or that I don’t enjoy sex with him. How can I tell him without hurting his feelings that I don’t want to have this much sex?

Tell him now so he can RUN!

What is the matter with you? She's sore from trying to keep up with him.

Op, he brushed off the fact that you are getting sore. He can deal with once/day.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do wonder if those couples who have incredible amounts of sex (twice a day) eventually grow tired of each other and tired of sex. There are so many people on DCUM who get bored with monogamy and tired of their spouses. We've been married 35 years and early in our marriage we'd have sex 3-4 times a week and after we had kids it was probably 2-3 times. With careers, business travel and kids I always thought that that was a lot of sex. Since we hit 50 it's been at least once and sometimes twice a week and I feel very good about that. The sex has always been very good to great so monogamy or boredom has never been a problem for me. But if we had gone at it like rabbits early on I do wonder if one of us would have gotten tired of it.

Sorry you just sound like low drive.
"tired of sex" does not compute.

NP - many people are tired of sex at least with their spouses. PP is likely 60 and if she is having sex 1-2 times a week I don’t think she is low drive. I’m 42 and we have sex 1-2 times a week and I don’t think I’m low drive, probably average.

Without shaming anyone, if you like the being sexual but it just hurts...why not do other things? You don’t have to always have PIV sex. Can’t you use hands, mouths...can’t you tease him while he pleasures himself?

This is all assuming you like being sexual twice a day. 40 minutes of penetration a DAY is a lot.

Anonymous wrote:I willing had sex multiple times a night and spent weekends in bed with my husband when we were dating. We both couldn’t get enough. We were mid 20s. Is there a reason you are so sore? Not lubricated/menopause?

You might be mismatched sexually.

+1

You are not sexually compatible. It will get worse over time.

Well OP, to be honest, no it is not normal for a 39-year old to take 20 minutes to achieve climax. It usually takes much shorter than this. Are you sure he isn't taking any medications, prescribed or recreational, that have this side effect? Typically this is the way of low libido men who cannot achieve orgasm easily but from what you're saying, he wants it too much to be low libido. It might be that he is a unicorn man who needs twice daily sex sessions with 20 minutes+ PIV part, and if this is the case, then my dear I'm very sorry but you are not compatible in bed long-term.

Anonymous wrote:find some way to satisfy his needs that doesn't leave you sore. Otherwise he'll resent you, turn to porn and masturbation, step out, or move on. I'm sure he does things for you that he'd otherwise rather not. Libido mismatch ends relationships.

NO. This person is telling you to put up with pain and ignore you own needs/desires, or you will wind up alone. WTF!!

Hopefully, your sex tempo is not 100% of the reason your boyfriend spends time with you.

It is VERY important that you have an honest discussion about your feelings and desires. You can be honest, because you do enjoy sex with him...but that will end if you keep suppressing your own desires.
Right now, the formula is too one sided, and that is NOT a healthy relationship.

You need a voice to stand up for yourself, or you will not be happy. He can only treat you well if you let him know what that looks like.

You are not being tested, but his reaction to your honest feedback could be a test for him (and how much he cares about you).

Anonymous wrote:I do wonder if those couples who have incredible amounts of sex (twice a day) eventually grow tired of each other and tired of sex. There are so many people on DCUM who get bored with monogamy and tired of their spouses. We've been married 35 years and early in our marriage we'd have sex 3-4 times a week and after we had kids it was probably 2-3 times. With careers, business travel and kids I always thought that that was a lot of sex. Since we hit 50 it's been at least once and sometimes twice a week and I feel very good about that. The sex has always been very good to great so monogamy or boredom has never been a problem for me. But if we had gone at it like rabbits early on I do wonder if one of us would have gotten tired of it.

Sorry you just sound like low drive.
"tired of sex" does not compute.

I do wonder if those couples who have incredible amounts of sex (twice a day) eventually grow tired of each other and tired of sex. There are so many people on DCUM who get bored with monogamy and tired of their spouses. We've been married 35 years and early in our marriage we'd have sex 3-4 times a week and after we had kids it was probably 2-3 times. With careers, business travel and kids I always thought that that was a lot of sex. Since we hit 50 it's been at least once and sometimes twice a week and I feel very good about that. The sex has always been very good to great so monogamy or boredom has never been a problem for me. But if we had gone at it like rabbits early on I do wonder if one of us would have gotten tired of it.

Maybe it's taking him 20 minutes because they're doing it so often. Go down to once a day and he'd be done a lot quicker.