Anonymous
Post 10/21/2020 07:26     Subject: Re:How do you explain to a 17 year old they won’t be an adult at 18?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If you're the kind of parent you sound like you need to be prepared for them to move out. My mother told me I'd never be an adult until she let me, and that I'd need to live with her until I found a husband because I was stupid and useless and would never be able to do it on my own, among other nasty things she said and did. So I spent my teens plotting how to leave the moment I could. I saved every penny, figured out what I'd need to do to get my HS diploma, talked to my boss about adding more hours, and arranged to move in to my coworkers empty bedroom. I moved out the day after my birthday and never looked back. I graduated from college, law school, and have a happy family - life accomplishments that my mother takes full credit for, all while complaining that we don't visit so she can "show us off".


She still paid for your college, so you definitely weren't as "independent" as you'd like to think or have us think.


They definitely did not pay for my college - they didn’t pay a penny to support me after I moved out.
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2020 21:57     Subject: Re:How do you explain to a 17 year old they won’t be an adult at 18?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If you're the kind of parent you sound like you need to be prepared for them to move out. My mother told me I'd never be an adult until she let me, and that I'd need to live with her until I found a husband because I was stupid and useless and would never be able to do it on my own, among other nasty things she said and did. So I spent my teens plotting how to leave the moment I could. I saved every penny, figured out what I'd need to do to get my HS diploma, talked to my boss about adding more hours, and arranged to move in to my coworkers empty bedroom. I moved out the day after my birthday and never looked back. I graduated from college, law school, and have a happy family - life accomplishments that my mother takes full credit for, all while complaining that we don't visit so she can "show us off".


She still paid for your college, so you definitely weren't as "independent" as you'd like to think or have us think.


Where did PP say that her mom paid for college?


I have the same question.



???
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2020 20:05     Subject: Re:How do you explain to a 17 year old they won’t be an adult at 18?
Says a lot that she wants so desperately to leave you, OP.

Most of us can't get our 18 year olds to move on. They love us and know they have it good.

My friends who had parents like you tended to move out with boys in a hurry because they wanted their freedom.

Anonymous
Post 10/20/2020 20:00     Subject: How do you explain to a 17 year old they won’t be an adult at 18?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:First you choose better words. They are an adult at 18. That’s not something you as a parent get to bestow on your kids. What I guess you’re speaking about is certain privileges. If they want to behave in a certain way that conflicts with your values (eg no drugs in your house/vehicles) or lifestyle (eg 11pm curfew because you start work everyday at 7am), then you explain to them that if they make certain choices there are consequences. And lay out those consequences.

By law they are an adult, but this doesn’t mean their maturity level matches.

Doesn’t matter. At 18 they can do as they wish and face the consequences. Consequences can be from you or from the law, but you cannot prevent an adult from acting as they want. It’s a tough lesson many people learn.
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2020 19:45     Subject: How do you explain to a 17 year old they won’t be an adult at 18?
OP, what was your upbringing like? Were you raised in another country or are your parents immigrants? My in-laws had a similar issue and my SIL’s teacher paid them a visit before she was Children’s services. They didn’t realize some of their punishments were illegal.
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2020 19:40     Subject: Re:How do you explain to a 17 year old they won’t be an adult at 18?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If you're the kind of parent you sound like you need to be prepared for them to move out. My mother told me I'd never be an adult until she let me, and that I'd need to live with her until I found a husband because I was stupid and useless and would never be able to do it on my own, among other nasty things she said and did. So I spent my teens plotting how to leave the moment I could. I saved every penny, figured out what I'd need to do to get my HS diploma, talked to my boss about adding more hours, and arranged to move in to my coworkers empty bedroom. I moved out the day after my birthday and never looked back. I graduated from college, law school, and have a happy family - life accomplishments that my mother takes full credit for, all while complaining that we don't visit so she can "show us off".


She still paid for your college, so you definitely weren't as "independent" as you'd like to think or have us think.


Where did PP say that her mom paid for college?


I have the same question.
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2020 16:54     Subject: How do you explain to a 17 year old they won’t be an adult at 18?
How do you explain to yourself that 18 is not an adult and won't be allowed to move out?


Anonymous
Post 10/20/2020 16:43     Subject: How do you explain to a 17 year old they won’t be an adult at 18?
You know they can call the cops on you if you try to prevent them from leaving or moving out?

I'd focus on showing your child love. And hoping that they love you enough to visit you on holidays when they finally are allowed to leave by you. I know a lot of friends who never visited their parents once after they left home and got jobs.
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2020 16:40     Subject: Re:How do you explain to a 17 year old they won’t be an adult at 18?
Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you picked a bad time to start parenting.


+1

Sounds like OP really painted themselves in a corner with this one.