The new gf’s abusive x is worrisome. My cousin dated a woman whose abusive x threatened to kill our entire family. I was in HS and spent three days in a motel hiding while the police looked for the man. No one in my immediate family had ever met him, but he had family names and addresses from breaking into my cousin’s home while looking for his x and their kids. He took an address book after trashing the place and setting a fire. He terrified a few relatives by phone with his promises of what he would do if he found out we were sheltering them or knew where they were. Imagine how much easier it would have been for him if he only had to look on FB or Instagram.

OP here. Ex and his gf broke up. It's almost like he should have waited to introduce her to our kids until their relationship was more solid 🤷‍♀️

I never post photos of other children without first obtaining permission from the parents. I limit what I post of my own DC and do not take posting photos or check-ins lightly.

What were your social media rules before you divorced? If you don't allow photos of very limited ones in general you have more of an argument.

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry. I don't think there is anything you can do about social media these days. There is no privacy anymore.

I am a second wife and have three great step kids. I never post pictures of them, mostly out of respect for their own privacy, not so much for their mom's wishes. (She's never said anything). But I do hope more step parents (and gf/bf of people with kids!) think twice about doing this.

That's very good of you to think this way, PP. Not everyone is not this considerate and that's why they get trouble in their relationships.

I'm sorry. I don't think there is anything you can do about social media these days. There is no privacy anymore.

I am a second wife and have three great step kids. I never post pictures of them, mostly out of respect for their own privacy, not so much for their mom's wishes. (She's never said anything). But I do hope more step parents (and gf/bf of people with kids!) think twice about doing this.

What if you decided to have a wonderful relationship with this woman, who clearly likes and is kind to your kids? I wish my mom had taken that approach when I was young. She finally did after I was grown. What a happier childhood I could have had, if my mom had been willing to admit to herself that my stepmom was a great person who was treating me well.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I just got my kids back from a visit with their dad. The pushy gf took it upon herself to buy my 3rd grader her first bra. I am so upset - why would she think taking this milestone from me with my own daughter would be ok?

She sounds like she has poor boundaries and not much empathy-nice but immature. Do you have the type of relationship with your ex where you could just talk to the GF directly and be kind but share "when you do x, it makes me feel y. I appreciate that you care about the kids, but I would like you to respect that I am their mom."

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I just got my kids back from a visit with their dad. The pushy gf took it upon herself to buy my 3rd grader her first bra. I am so upset - why would she think taking this milestone from me with my own daughter would be ok?

She sounds like she has poor boundaries and not much empathy-nice but immature. Do you have the type of relationship with your ex where you could just talk to the GF directly and be kind but share "when you do x, it makes me feel y. I appreciate that you care about the kids, but I would like you to respect that I am their mom."

Anonymous wrote:I agree. your ex's girlfriend sounds really sweet. Better that than someone who just tolerates the kids.

With regards to the facebook thing - I personally would not post any pictures of my kid to facebook out of respect for their privacy. Since you do, it is more difficult to demand a different standard for your ex's family. Nonetheless I would talk to him about your safety concerns.

Not everyone was raised to see bra shopping as a mother-daughter milestone. It certainly wasn't for my mother. She probably just thought she was doing something nice for your daughter, especially if your daughter has been asking for a bra.

Agree- I get the sense there is some upset/bitterness from the OP that she's lost control of what happens in her kid's lives...and unfortunately that's one of the huge consequences of divorce. Been there, had therapy for that. Just b/c she bought a bra with your daughter doesn't mean YOU can't and that it won't be just as special to her. I also agree that bra shopping isn't seen as a milestone for every mother-daughter- certainly wasn't for my daughters and I.

I agree. your ex's girlfriend sounds really sweet. Better that than someone who just tolerates the kids.

With regards to the facebook thing - I personally would not post any pictures of my kid to facebook out of respect for their privacy. Since you do, it is more difficult to demand a different standard for your ex's family. Nonetheless I would talk to him about your safety concerns.

Not everyone was raised to see bra shopping as a mother-daughter milestone. It certainly wasn't for my mother. She probably just thought she was doing something nice for your daughter, especially if your daughter has been asking for a bra.

Sorry...just read she is in 3rd grade. Whether it's a bra or her first pair of roller skates, my opinion is the same.

At 13 I am surprised she isn't already wearing a bra. Maybe she said something to gf and/or her dad about wanting one...peer pressure at that age is a factor, not just physical need for one.

My SD's mother is a notoriously horrid dresser, hates to shop and is known to wear the same outfit day after day - stains, spills and dog hair included. She has no interest in clothes and when SD needed a prom dress, her mom told her to see if she could borrow one of her friends.
So SD asked her dad and I to take her shopping which we did.

As her father, I think my DH was within his rights to take her shopping for her first formal since her mother had no interest in doing so. Maybe that's the same here? Has your daughter been asking for a bra?

I get you are upset but when you got divorced your daughter's life was bound to be impacted by your ex's partner/spouse at some point. What if she was visiting them and got her first period? Would you expect her to not say anything?

I think you are looking for ways of finding any fault you can with your ex's girlfriend. Suggest you get counseling to learn how to deal with this before you damage your daughter.

OP here. I just got my kids back from a visit with their dad. The pushy gf took it upon herself to buy my 3rd grader her first bra. I am so upset - why would she think taking this milestone from me with my own daughter would be ok?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have joint legal custody, decisions about the kids' privacy should be jointly made. If he gave permission to her to post pictures without first having a discussion with you, I'd complain to him that it violates their privacy and you want him to tell her to stop posting pictures of your kids.

This is a very good point. Any decisions related with kids need to be joint and if he doesn't follow then either he take down the pics or take him to court.

This is not what joint legal custody means, lol. Can you imagine if “every decision relating to the kids” had to be a joint decision? How could that even work!