OMG. OP, I am the SAHM who wrote about my expectations. My DH and I owe everything together. No prenup. If I had a prenup, I wouldn't have married or had kids or become a SAHM. Are you kidding me? I think your best bet is some East European escort kind of woman, or a washed up model? Seriously, that is the only thing that I have seen working...except don't ask her to do Christmas, ok?

I know a guy like OP. When he told me what he wanted, I thought he was joking, but he wasn't. He eventually found the kind of woman he wanted by going to lots of charity events, which he preferred to church events. His wife is nice, intelligent, and very traditional. If you spend some time in DC's more affluent suburbs or at DC private schools, you'll see that this kind of contended stay-at-home mom is far from extinct.

Also, a surprising number of ambitious professional women become almost indistinguishable from these women over time, as they decide that it isn't worth working any more.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make a ton of money. A fair amount of women would be willing to do the bulk of of the child/household work, so long as you make plenty to provide a good lifestyle and house help when she needs/wants it, since you aren’t willing to pitch in. She will also want to make sure, in the event of divorce, that her “half” will be still be a lot and keep her comfortable , since she pretty much gave up a career and even if she goes back to work, so won’t make nearly what she could have or once did.

OP here. I was in a relationship that just ended here I thought I found the one. We were very in love and happy but she refused to sign a prenup. I own multiple businesses and have a decent net worth. A prenup is non-negotiable. Most women do not want to sign one.

Of course. Think about what you are asking. You want someone to give up her career entirely, and with it the means of providing for herself for decades. And at the same time, you want her to sign away any rights to assets she could use to support herself.

Thinking about it in terms that you may understand better, you are asking someone to give up a career. You need to compensate her for that.

It’s this. OP, you’re going to have a hard time finding any normal woman to sign up for this sort of arrangement. It simply doesn’t offer much security. I mean would YOU agree to what you’re offering?

You sound incredibly focused on money and your business. Perhaps love and marriage isn’t a good idea for you? Why do you need to get married and have a family? You can just focus on your business and not worry about the chance to a woman taking your money. Problem solved!!

OP, you are going to have to go on a lot of dates and bring this up in person. No one is going to say on a message board that they want to dump their career, but plenty of people do if they will have a better lifestyle for doing so. These are not going to be doctors or lawyers. Think people with titles like Marketing Coordinator.

To get these dates, you will need to be attractive enough for a woman to agree to match with your profile. You will need to be clever/charming/whatever enough to have her agree to a date.

Anonymous wrote:Just marry any woman and don’t do the work around the house like every other man your age.

Hahahahaha!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m a very high earner and work 70-80 hour weeks. I will be involved as I possibly can with kids, but she will be the default parent. We will hire help with childcare and housekeeping, but she will manage the day-to-day responsibilities of cooking, cleaning, shuffling kids to school, etc. My parents had the same setup and it worked. My dad was very involved in raising us, but my mom did the bulk of it.

Define “very high earner.” Are you talking 300 or 400 thousand? Or seven figures?

Are you on board with hiring a housekeeper and babysitters or nannies or night nurses?

Are do you expect your wife to do all the cleaning and cooking and childcare without our sourcing?

OP here. I’m looking for a normal relationship. I do not want an arranged marriage or a religious person. I also do not want anyone that is younger than 30. A mature women is more important to me than a younger woman.

I’m more than fine with her having her own career. What I do want is her to stay at home while the kids need FT care because I do not want them to be 100% raised by nannies.

I make in the $400k/year range and have assets in the millions range.

You make the same as my spouse. And also have assets in the millions. Two homes.

I have worked from home full-time in with the government since our first child was born (used to go into the Office).

Your marriage will be a lot better down the road with a stimulated woman than one staring at the walls when the kids reach school age.

Marriages like you describe—man and a lot of time woman go out and cheat because they have zero connection anymore.

A man that wants a woman barefoot and in the kitchen usually runs an authoritarian style household. If your wife is smart and has a flexible job that’s another $200k/year added to your salary, her own retirement and great health benefits....but that would give her options if you turn into an @sshole which I guess you don’t want. You can’t control her that way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make a ton of money. A fair amount of women would be willing to do the bulk of of the child/household work, so long as you make plenty to provide a good lifestyle and house help when she needs/wants it, since you aren’t willing to pitch in. She will also want to make sure, in the event of divorce, that her “half” will be still be a lot and keep her comfortable , since she pretty much gave up a career and even if she goes back to work, so won’t make nearly what she could have or once did.

OP here. I was in a relationship that just ended here I thought I found the one. We were very in love and happy but she refused to sign a prenup. I own multiple businesses and have a decent net worth. A prenup is non-negotiable. Most women do not want to sign one.

Of course. Think about what you are asking. You want someone to give up her career entirely, and with it the means of providing for herself for decades. And at the same time, you want her to sign away any rights to assets she could use to support herself.

Thinking about it in terms that you may understand better, you are asking someone to give up a career. You need to compensate her for that.

I am a SAHM and my DH is a high enough earner. He does not have the time to take care of many things at home. My husband has some work hours, but I do not have any designated work hours. I am on the go for 24/7. Which means that after he comes home, I am still working and expect him to work along with me for the few hours before bedtime. This is fair because I could otherwise work the hours that a nanny does and take care of kids and some light household work only. But I am also expected to do the mental burden of planning and executing everything.

The problem with being a SAHM is that you are expected to be the manager as well as the worker bee. That is the big problem.

Before COVID -
I was able to outsource a lot of chores, and a lot of stuff for kids education (tutors, classes, coaches etc). It was not for my benefit. It was to benefit my DH who did not have the time to help with household and kids stuff. When the cleaning person was there, I was still supervising.

After COVID -
DH is home, kids are home, we are eating at home and no cleaning person can come. So my DH and my kids have had to get off their butts and help.

There is a lot more appreciation of all the work that is being done at home for them to get a super comfortable home life.

OP here. Okay. Tell me what I’m doing wrong and how to fix it to attract a woman with these qualities

Age: 30-35. A little younger is fine but I do not want a woman younger than 28. I need to have things in common and need a mature woman who has a good amount of life experience. I want a woman who knows what she wants.

Career: A woman who wants to be a lifelong SAHM or out her career on hold at least PT to be home with the kids when they need FT care.

Wife: I want a true partner. An actual marriage with respect and love. I do not want a mail order bride.

A woman ideally willing to sign a prenup relinquishing any rights to my businesses. It’s not unreasonable for me to protect my assets.

I will be involved as I can. I plan to be an involved parent and spouse.

Most of the women I attract now either do not want to a SAHM or are gold diggers and get upset when I bring up a prenup.

Anonymous wrote:OP, you might need to look at women from other cultures where what you’re asking for is still a more normal phenomenon. You’re looking for a huge imbalance of power and money in your favour, and I don’t know if a lot of women would want to trust that “forever and always”, especially with your requirement of a prenup.

A SAH will allow you to focus and grow your business, with her sacrificing all her possible career growth during that time. “Being taken care of” in the event of divorce does not equal it being equitable during your relationship, and

I would agree with this and for the most part do - but he also wants someone not religious and over age 30. All those criteria will be hard to find.

OP, you might need to look at women from other cultures where what you’re asking for is still a more normal phenomenon. You’re looking for a huge imbalance of power and money in your favour, and I don’t know if a lot of women would want to trust that “forever and always”, especially with your requirement of a prenup.

A SAH will allow you to focus and grow your business, with her sacrificing all her possible career growth during that time. “Being taken care of” in the event of divorce does not equal it being equitable during your relationship, and

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else getting abusive red flags from OP?

No. I'm getting serious Troll vibes.

Absolutely. The prenup post pushed it over the edge. Clearly the OP is a troll.

OP here. I’m not a troll. I think a prenup is completely valid when you own businesses and want to protect them. I’m not asking for her to sign a prenup for contingencies on money. I’m asking her to sign a prenup where she relinquishes any rights to my businesses.

You need to go to therapy. You seem overly focused on work, money and arrangements.

So here’s the problem. In a good relationship, you’ll just want your partner to be HAPPY. You’ll want your wife to stay at home if that makes her happy or work if that makes her happy. Going into a relationship with preconceived notions about who will do what is problematic. You’re looking at a relationship as a transaction.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:mail order bride from a 3rd world country?

But be careful, I've known a few men who have done this, and the women all left the men as soon as they got their green cards. Buyer beware.

OP here. I’m looking for a traditional relationship with my love. I just want to know if there are certain sites that cater to this that are not sugar baby sites or anything like a mail order bride.

Marry a teacher, that's what all the Big Law does

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else getting abusive red flags from OP?

No. I'm getting serious Troll vibes.

Absolutely. The prenup post pushed it over the edge. Clearly the OP is a troll.

OP here. I’m not a troll. I think a prenup is completely valid when you own businesses and want to protect them. I’m not asking for her to sign a prenup for contingencies on money. I’m asking her to sign a prenup where she relinquishes any rights to my businesses.