I quit my job. I feel grateful my dh makes enough money. And now the division of labor approaches something -- not equal but not wildly out of whack. I do not feel like I am letting myself down. I already worked for 20+ years. I can imagine going back to a job later - maybe not so much a career as a "job," maybe something that I feel is meaningful and helping the community. I probably won't need to do full time or make six figures again. I know I am very lucky in this. I am not mourning a lost career.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While the schools remain closed in greater DMV area in the setting of pandemic-wide lows in testing and diagnosed cases, fully a QUARTER of American women are contemplating quitting their jobs, on every economic level. No one should be surprised that this challenge, like a myriad others, affects women of color harder than everyone else.

https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2020-09-30/leanin-org-finds-covid-19-could-push-women-out-of-workforce-and-senior-roles?sref=px9VEDa6&utm_source=url_link&fbclid=IwAR3r-BTlmgl2kkebaxZqAIQujm4yHcZr_hCGwby5Yg1BmNLahPquXDRgshc

We need to demand re-opening of the schools, prioritizing special needs students, early elementary grades, children of documented essential workers, and ESOL.

What is happening right now is not OK.

Whichever parent has the best medical insurance and makes the most money should continue working. If it isn't the man, then tough. He can learn to be a house husband.

But he won't. He's not programmed for it. Get real.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We've had one person quit because of the demands of virtual schooling. She has a middle schooler and 2 high schoolers and felt she needed to be present.

Notably, she's one of only 2 employees with school aged-kids. The other employee's child is attending school in-person. The rest of us either have very young kids with daycares back open, their children are grown, or don't have kids.

We have a lot with kids. The directors and vps all have childcare by now...paid help coming in, private schooling, nanny etc.

I’m doing a nannyshare with another director at work for my preschool age kid.

It’s the admin staff and junior staff that are suffering and trying to work with kids at home and patch together childcare still or cutting hours.

Yep.

The women at work who are in well paid jobs can afford to put money and networks toward the problem. Am exec I work with just sent her kid to a boarding school in England, another has a nanny coming over for full time distance learning help.

This is why they cooked up COVID in the first place! It’s all a long con engineered by the Koch brothers and that whole crew to undo 150 years of progress. They want women back at home, heightened racial tensions, chaos in the streets, and meanwhile they make their billions and re-order a docile society, locked down, and now focused on bare survival rather than the big big picture! You saw 911 mysteriously “shut down” last week nationwide?! Then Microsoft had a “global outage”. Suddenly there are thousands of mini tremors in California and Yosemite. And have you seen the prices of beef lately? This is SO not OK.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We've had one person quit because of the demands of virtual schooling. She has a middle schooler and 2 high schoolers and felt she needed to be present.

Notably, she's one of only 2 employees with school aged-kids. The other employee's child is attending school in-person. The rest of us either have very young kids with daycares back open, their children are grown, or don't have kids.

We have a lot with kids. The directors and vps all have childcare by now...paid help coming in, private schooling, nanny etc.

I’m doing a nannyshare with another director at work for my preschool age kid.

It’s the admin staff and junior staff that are suffering and trying to work with kids at home and patch together childcare still or cutting hours.

Yep.

Anonymous wrote:School isn't child care. They need to get child care. We don't need to open schools. You want to open schools but we cannot do that safely right now. Grow up and take care of your kids and stop expecting others to.

It's not about "child care." Most of these kids are "safe" and able to do their own basic "care." But monitoring the actual education/classes is a completely different story. An 8 year old can get herself dressed, feed herself simple meals, and just in general keep herself safe at home--but she might not have the self control to make sure she gets online and pays attention for the classes.

Anonymous wrote:I believe it. This is unsustainable if you’re ids aren’t in in person schooling.

It’s beyond sickening to watch your kids fail at distance learning, the house is a mess because 24-7 everyone, DH is useless and needs to focus at work, your own work falls to later and later in the day and evening, sitters either don’t speak English or sit in their phones most of the time.

Hate it in Wash DC. Open the elementary schools so the kids don’t fall further and further behind.

Not just elementary schools.

Middle schools and High schools too.

Otherwise I agree with your post.

Anonymous wrote:School isn't child care. They need to get child care. We don't need to open schools. You want to open schools but we cannot do that safely right now. Grow up and take care of your kids and stop expecting others to.

FALSE. Much evidence to the contrary.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand a single mom.

But no married woman should quit her job. I am married and will NOT be quitting. There is NO reason that woman should need to quit their jobs while men do not! Just say no, ladies. Is your husband going to quit his job to do housework and distance learning? Of course not. Women have to stop voluntarily sacrificing their careers and financial well-being when men do not.

What? How can single moms quit their jobs? Who is going to pay the bills? I see where you were headed with this tangent but your offramp is bananas.

X1000. What, pp?! I’m a single mom and working as hard as I absolutely can to NOT lose my job. There’s no one to be my financial back up.

Kids can go live with Dad or you pay for child care.

My ex has zero desire to have our kid live with him.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand a single mom.

But no married woman should quit her job. I am married and will NOT be quitting. There is NO reason that woman should need to quit their jobs while men do not! Just say no, ladies. Is your husband going to quit his job to do housework and distance learning? Of course not. Women have to stop voluntarily sacrificing their careers and financial well-being when men do not.

What? How can single moms quit their jobs? Who is going to pay the bills? I see where you were headed with this tangent but your offramp is bananas.

X1000. What, pp?! I’m a single mom and working as hard as I absolutely can to NOT lose my job. There’s no one to be my financial back up.

Kids can go live with Dad or you pay for child care.

School isn't child care. They need to get child care. We don't need to open schools. You want to open schools but we cannot do that safely right now. Grow up and take care of your kids and stop expecting others to.

Anonymous wrote:I understand a single mom.

But no married woman should quit her job. I am married and will NOT be quitting. There is NO reason that woman should need to quit their jobs while men do not! Just say no, ladies. Is your husband going to quit his job to do housework and distance learning? Of course not. Women have to stop voluntarily sacrificing their careers and financial well-being when men do not.

How would a single mom quit her job? That makes zero sense.

I believe it. This is unsustainable if you’re ids aren’t in in person schooling.

It’s beyond sickening to watch your kids fail at distance learning, the house is a mess because 24-7 everyone, DH is useless and needs to focus at work, your own work falls to later and later in the day and evening, sitters either don’t speak English or sit in their phones most of the time.

Hate it in Wash DC. Open the elementary schools so the kids don’t fall further and further behind.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a SAHM, these articles about women quitting all seem pretty obvious to me. Yes, a few of you managed to marry a fully “woke” equal partner who will do 50% or more of the “mental load” in addition to housework and child rearing, but I learned pretty quickly I did not marry such a man.

And I’ll be damned if I’m going to carry the whole mental load, run the house, care for the kids AND work a full time job. I’m not a martyr.

So don’t do the mental load and housework. Just say no.

Prioritize yourself and your career. You deserve it the same as a privileged man does. Again no one is forcing you to do housework. You basically allowed your husband to force you to quit working and when your kids are older you’ll deeply regret it.

Because of the flexibility of my job and inflexibility of his, there was no question of who would manage DL. But DH does way more housework to compensate. And we’re doing way more takeout. And I’ve let go of my initial perfectionism about managing DL. We’re both working much longer days, and are tired, but hanging in there. So there are ways a DH can make a fair contribution, and women do need to insist on not doing simply everything. But it’s hard regardless and everyone needs to figure out the best way to preserve their well being.

Many times the only way to get a man to do his share is to force it. Don’t buy groceries. Don’t order toilet paper. Don’t watch the kids. Don’t schedule things. It’s amazing what they can do when they have to. Keep in mind all of these men likely managed their own life before their secretary/cook/cleaner/nanny moved in.

I don’t think you understand. My husbands threshold for when to do laundry is when the underwear is gone. But first he will just buy extra underwear to stretch the laundry intervals. Same with groceries. Yes, he wouldn’t let us starve, but the quality of food available is going to be dramatically lower until he finally shops. Plus, at this point I’ve been a SAHM for a long time, so if I suddenly just stopped, he would think something was wrong with me. I agree a working mom could attempt this, but my husband would (rightfully) view it as a breech of our agreement if I suddenly shirked all my duties.

I'm a sahm and its not unpaid. It costs my husband money to take care of me and the kids! He can't be pregnant or nurse anyway. I'm very happy and we've been married many years and faced challenges together.

Payment isn't the only value work csn have! I make a home for both of us and he earns money for both of us.

Anyway, I'm happy to have so many more Sahm friends now.

Anonymous wrote:I understand a single mom.

But no married woman should quit her job. I am married and will NOT be quitting. There is NO reason that woman should need to quit their jobs while men do not! Just say no, ladies. Is your husband going to quit his job to do housework and distance learning? Of course not. Women have to stop voluntarily sacrificing their careers and financial well-being when men do not.

What? How could a single parent quit unless they were independently wealthy?

And sorry, but I just went part time because my DH makes 2.5x my salary. I'm not blowing up our entire financial and emotional and lovely life in the name of false feminism. The problem is our patriarchal capitalist system and me killing myself and harming my kids ain't gonna fight that system. Fighting for both men and women to have a work/life balance where they aren't working 40-70 hours/week and they don't feel compelled to have fancy crap that nobody needs is probably a bit more important.